Christmas-Themed Patents
Some are pretty absurd and deserve lumps of coal, while others are unsurprisingly full of Christmas kitsch.
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‘This patent deserves a lump of coal…’
In case my post on stupid patents didn’t tip you off, I am fascinated by the world of inventions that people see fit not only to create, but that they think are worth patenting. With the holiday season upon us, here are some of the more interesting Christmas-related patents. While I could’ve done an entire post just on trees, there are quite a few other novelties included below. Some are pretty absurd, while others are unsurprisingly full of Christmas kitsch.
Tinsel gun – This is an older one and no longer under patent, but back in 1970 an inventor patented “devices for dispensing tinsel and the like adaptable for decorating Christmas trees.” The idea behind this tinsel gun is to put a supply of tinsel inside, for it to be dispersed with a trigger control and a blade that allows the tinsel to be cut off. I’ve never been a fan of tinsel myself, but to each his own. If someone could figure out a device to automatically string lights for me, though, that’s a product I would pay for.
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Santa Claus visit kit – This kit is designed to provide parents with aid in the illusion of a visit from Santa, in case the presents in the stocking aren’t evidence enough for your growing and questioning child. It includes a device to make boot prints. It also directs parents to “plac[e] a snack within the region” with the child and then “remov[e] at least a portion of the snack” after the child has gone to bed. My thoughts on the latter? Isn’t this what parents and children have been doing for ages? Putting out cookies and milk for Santa before bed that are later consumed by parents while putting together that new bicycle that magically appears underneath the Christmas tree?
Santa Claus detector kit – Also known as a stocking with lights. The lights — which the parents have to manually switch on — are supposed to signal to the child that Santa did, indeed, come and deliver presents. Because actually looking inside the stocking is too much effort?
Christmas tree-shaped pasta – Just in case your Christmas meal wasn’t festive enough, you might want to serve up some tree-shaped pasta. Bonus points if it’s made with spinach to give it a nice green hue. And don’t forget post-dinner tea with Christmas tree-shaped tea bags.
Snowball gun – Only in 1947 would someone think this was a good idea that should be patented, rather than “OMG, you’ll shoot your eye out!” This invention is described as a “toy gun for projecting snow/pellets” turning loose snow into snow pellets and “is designed to provide harmless amusement.” I think I’ll stick to my good old-fashioned self-created snowballs, thank you very much.
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Cactus Christmas Tree – For all of you living in the Southwest, why go with the traditional evergreen tree when you can have a cactus Christmas tree, instead? This patent, granted in 2002, is short on details (the entire claim is for “An ornamental design for the cactus Christmas tree, as shown and described”) and appears from the submitted pictures to be nothing more than a fake-looking cactus. Oh, and in case you don’t like that version of a cactus Christmas tree, here’s another one patented in 2006.
Self-extinguishing Christmas tree – In case you’re worried about your Christmas tree catching fire, there’s a patent out there for a “Christmas tree fire prevention device” that “preferably includes an air-pressurized reservoir containing fire-retardant agent and a mechanism for automatically discharging the fire-retardant agent.”
Advent calendar – I’ve complained about design patents before so I’ll spare you my rant. I’ll let the design — a bunch of drawers where you can put a piece of candy, note, or small note into to help countdown to Christmas — speak for itself. Note that this patent was granted this year; don’t tell me you haven’t seen other advent calendars in past years that look nearly identical.
Mistletoe-supported headband – From 1984, but apparently there’s still a market for it today if Amazon is any indication.
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Krista L. Cox is a policy attorney who has spent her career working for non-profit organizations and associations. She has expertise in copyright, patent, and intellectual property enforcement law, as well as international trade. She currently works for a non-profit member association advocating for balanced copyright. You can reach her at [email protected].