Government

Mike Lindell, Noted Sane Person, Promises To Subpoena Obama's CIA Director For Stealing His Phone

It makes perfect sense ... if you grind the pillows into a fine powder and then snort them.

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Pillow fluffing CEO Mike Lindell has an active fantasy life. Just four weeks before the midterms, and he’s still out there promising that he’ll be restoring Trump to the Oval Office in one week’s time.

“When I get back tomorrow, I’m going to be calling every single journalist in this country,” he gabbled at a Trump rally in Arizona two days ago.

“I can put my information out now, I can put my evidence out now, the 32 terabytes,” he went on, promising to rain subpoenas down on his enemies in the lawsuit he filed after the FBI seized his phone in the parking lot of a Hardees in Minnesota.

Here’s the election fraud aficionado in Nevada, promising to use his lawsuit to prove once and for all that the 2020 election was stolen.

“We also yesterday — now I’m going to get this wrong for sure — we subpoenaed Brennan, Clapper, a guy named Baker,” he said, pausing for a few hearty cheers from the members of the crowd who somehow remember Barack Obama’s CIA Director, Director of National Intelligence, and FBI General Counsel.

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“We subpoenaed them in this case,” he announced triumphantly, adding that there were “other names, too, but I don’t want to get ’em wrong in case they didn’t get subpoenaed.”

In point of fact, Lindell did “get this wrong for sure.” US District Judge Eric Tostrud does not appear to have approved subpoenas for three officials who have been out of office since 2017 in regards to a warrant issued on September 7 of 2022. Instead the court told Lindell and his distinguished legal team, which includes Harvard emeritus Alan Dershowitz, that they would actually need to serve the government before getting an emergency TRO. After which he handed Lindell’s motion to expedite off to the magistrate judge, who dropkicked it without ceremony, noting that it took the plaintiff two weeks to get around to demanding the underlying search warrant materials, which is hardly indicia of an emergency.

“The Court declines to expedite a Motion to Compel when there is no apparent reason it could not have been filed earlier, and therefore denies the Motion to Expedite,” US Magistrate Judge Elizabeth Cowan Wright wrote tartly.

Since then the only action on the docket has been from the government, entering appearances, objecting to Lindell’s demands, and noting that, outside US District Judge Aileen Cannon’s courtroom, a party under investigation can’t demand equitable anomalous jurisdiction for a duly executed warrant and then file a Rule 41 motion for return of property during the pendency of an investigation.

Or, more accurately, he can demand any dumb thing he wants, assuming he’s got a lawyer nutty enough to put it in a motion for him. But the court isn’t going to do anything about it, because that shut up, that’s not how any of this works.

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Lindell closed out that portion of his speech exhorting his followers to use the code “FBI” at MyPillow to support his crusade to expose the Deep State Obama-era officials who are plotting to cancel culture the First Amendment and shut him up. Something which hasn’t happened once in four straight years, but … hope springs eternal.

Lindell v. US [Docket via Court Listener]

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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