Here’s a short list for why Congress was so insistent on banishing TikTok from American soil: the national security risk of a Chinese company potentially accessing American data and Israel’s obvious losses on the PR front:

Congress came up with an apparently foolproof solution to their problem. Banning a town hall like TikTok may pose some free speech issues but as long as we lean on the “We’re doing this for National Security” angle and thumb the scale at the Supreme Court, there’s not much the American people can do. Right?

Unfortunately, they’ve forgotten two words that go at the very heart of what it means to be an American: “Fuck You.” Spite is a big mover when it comes to explaining what makes us tick — just think about how we vote. Even if the data we share by using apps could pose a legitimate national security risk, people are very okay with China having their data if it means sticking it to the man. Enter Xiaohongshu, or Little Red Book.

The app borrows its name from Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book, an accurate description of a bunch of aphorisms and speeches meant to disseminate Communist Party talking points. Just to be clear, I’m not saying that in the way Fox News does — that’s what it actually was and was meant to do. You’d be hard pressed to think of a more poetic platform for Americans to flock to in the face of government censorship. And as far as free speech goes? Looks like you won’t be censored for talking about climate change worsened wildfires or ongoing genocide:

Folks are going to straight up learn Mandarin out of spite and lulz:

For what it is worth, Congress was right about one thing. The Chinese “spies” do seem very interested in American data. It’s just that the data in question are pictures of the user’s cats:

And who knows what cascading effects will come from seeing more of what life is like in China. Will the constant threats from Fox News that the woke left is trying to turn America into Communist China hit the same after the public has fled to what is effectively some of the best propaganda possible?

Can you imagine the whiplash from reading about congestion prices in New York and America’s poor public transit woes to seeing how advanced commutes can be?

Gotta love perverse incentives. There’s been talk of Elon Musk pulling a King Twit and buying TikTok for something in the $50B range, but TikTok has shut that down as “pure fiction.” What options are left for Congress?  Block every international app that promises to be the new TikTok? What are we, China? Damn, we can’t use that expression anymore — our public transit doesn’t even hold a candle to theirs.

Earlier: TikTok Plans To Fight Censorship, Mouthy Politicians Make It Very Easy For Them

Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s.  He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at [email protected] and by tweet at @WritesForRent.