Morning Docket
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* Department of Justice likely to get involved in PGA/LIV merger. Weird how spending major Biglaw dollars calling one of them a monopoly might backfire when you try to merge with them. [Law360]
* After inviting thorough mocking of their legal acumen, Harlan Crow’s lawyers at Gibson Dunn back away from original “let’s just do contempt” offer and suggest a meeting with Senate staffers. [NBC News]
* Speaking of… comparing Clarence Thomas to the “lowliest” federal worker is a stark reminder that John Roberts is running a cesspool of ethical compromise. [Bloomberg Law News]
* Batman defeats Italian designer in trademark dispute. Not that it matters… that guy will break out of Arkham and be designing clothes again within a couple months. [Reuters]
* “There Is One Group the Roberts Court Really Doesn’t Like.” Take a guess! It’s fun because there’s at least three or four groups it could be! [New York Times]
* Move over law firms, legal technology vendors poised to become next fashionable cyber target. [Legaltech News]
* A dive into K-Pop and contracts. [LegalCheek]
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* Fifth Circuit judge scolds attorney for “personal attack” because she accurately described the district court opinion as unprecedented. As Inigo Montoya would put it, “I don’t think that word means what Judge Elrod thinks it means. [Slate]
* After watching Disney’s experience beating up on Florida lawyers, Penguin Random House is starting to sue Florida school districts for banning books. [AP]
* Montana has banned TikTok in a reminder that “free speech” is now limited to punishing students for carrying mean signs during FedSoc events. [Wall Street Journal]
* Deutsche Bank paying $75 million to settle claims that the bank facilitated Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking operations. Another win for Boies Schiller Flexner and Edwards Pottinger representing Epstein’s victims. [Reuters]
* Massachusetts US Attorney accused of abuse of power “to achieve a political goal epitomiz[ing] the type of ‘political justice’ that Congress intended to prohibit.” Too bad she wasn’t a judge taking free vacations from parties before the court… she’d be home free by now.[Law360]
* WilmerHale earned 5 percent of its total revenue from Meta, the company you remember as Facebook before they completely retooled to chase a creepy VR chat room that they’ve since killed after costing the company about $13 billion. Which is all to say that Wilmer may want to diversify its revenue streams at this rate. [Bloomberg Law News]
* A discussion of Shadow Docket by Steve Vladeck (affiliate link). [ABA Journal]
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* Supreme Court will delve into whether lawmakers can probe Trump’s hotel deal with the government. We’ll see how Harlan Crow weighs in on this. [Politico]
* It’s becoming a mantra but, “Disney’s lawyers are smarter than Ron DeSantis’s lawyers.” [New York Times]
* Legislators press Navy to move faster on Camp Lejeune claims… so we know they’ve been watching late-night TV too. [Bloomberg Law News]
* On the one hand, sleeping with your client while repping her in a divorce is an ethical violation, it did create a new ground for divorce so… getting closer to the finish line! [Law.com]
* Chief legal officers are getting more compensation in the form of bonuses… which just so happens to consistently favor male attorneys because it’s all a game of discriminatory whack-a-mole. [Corporate Counsel]
* Federal Circuit tussle over Judge Pauline Newman’s competency continues, with a special committee asking the judge to respond to a request that she undergo psych evaluations. Imagine if the courts dealt with, I don’t know, taking hundreds of thousands in donor gifts and under-the-table compensation with the same alacrity. [Law360]
* Holograms testifying at trial? It’s like living in the future but just with the frivolous parts. [Reuters]
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* John Durham publishes report ripping all the wrongdoing that he could never substantiate during all the years taxpayers paid him to investigate. It’s the legal equivalent of “look, I know she was into me… no I never asked her out, but I stalked her for awhile and I’m positive she’d have totally been into me if I had.” In other words, the perfect document for the Fox audience. [Law360]
* Biglaw attorneys have taken to TikTok and their employers are worried about their online personas. Take the moral panic Biglaw had over the internet, and then Facebook, and then Twitter, and just insert it here. [Bloomberg Law News]
* Wells Fargo puts up a billion dollars to settle shareholder complaints that the bank misled them over its compliance with the orders entered after the last time the bank misled them. [Reuters]
* Law firms are leasing office space again. So much for using the lessons of the pandemic to cut overhead and maybe give clients a break. [American Lawyer]
* Ukraine’s top Supreme Court justice accused of taking massive bribe. Has Harlan Crow ever been to Kyiv? [Radio Free Europe]
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* Twilight of the screamer: Attorneys who cling to the toxic Biglaw management style are losing out. Which probably makes them mad. [American Lawyer]
* The Third Circuit is going ahead with its humane filing deadline proposal over vocal dissent. If they hate it so much, they’re free to file a complaint… during regular business hours. [Bloomberg Law News]
* Trump will not testify in the E. Jean Carroll trial. A bold move to rely on that cross. [Law360]
* Will artificial intelligence finally end the billable hour? Probably not. [The Recorder]
* Elon Musk doesn’t really have a plan B if a new lawsuit successfully shuts down SpaceX’s half-baked launchpad. [Reuters]
* An update on Harvey, the AI tool deployed by Allen & Overy. [Business Today]
* John Quinn opines on AI and intellectual property. [Forbes]
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* Leonard Leo used his Federalist Society contacts to secure $1.6 billion donation, which Politico suggests might “raise questions about its nonpartisan, non-political status.” Nope. We had no questions. [Politico]
* Joe Tacopina’s second day of cross-examination somehow managed to be worse according to Mitchell Epner. [Daily Beast]
* Though he may not be around for long, as eyes turn toward whether or not Joe Tacopina is conflicted out of the Donald Trump case because of past interactions with Stormy Daniels. What are the odds this is all heading toward some half-baked mistrial motion? I’m guessing around 1 in… 1. [Law360]
* All that Zooming and Teamsing (yet another reason Teams sucks — no good way to convert the product name into an activity) during the pandemic left the Justice Department a treasure trove of material. [Bloomberg Law News]
* Hollywood writers go on strike. Now you’re stuck with all the online journalists for your entertainment needs. [Reuters]
* Midsized law firms are embracing emerging companies practice while bigger firms grow more cautious. [American Lawyer]
* UK regulators investigating the abuse of NDAs. [LegalCheek]
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* Much like everyone else, law firms have no interest in paying Twitter. [LegalCheek]
* Lawyers think the profession has gotten less civil, but that’s just what those degenerate scumbags would say. [ABA Journal]
* A nice guide to the lawyers working with Jack Smith on Trump’s classified documents case. [ABC News]
* No sooner did we note in this here column that New York would rewrite the rules to make criminal defense work even harder than NYC’s prosecutors reversed their push for the change. They don’t have a vote, but it’s taken a lot of the effort. [NY Times]
* Eleventh Circuit issues 2-1 opinion that suppressing the rights of Black voters is acceptable, but only if you’re coy enough. [Reuters]
* DC Circuit won’t break up Meta’s Instagram and WhatsApp acquisitions. If only they could undo the whole “Meta” part of Facebook. [Law360]
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* Report says Biglaw firms are more enthusiastic about merging this year. Shearman’s wondering why y’all got to go rubbing salt on it. [Reuters]
* Goldman Sachs estimates that AI will replace 44 percent of legal tasks. Nice try, Goldman. You’re not getting a 44 percent discount on those bills. [Legaltech News]
* The court system is a little closer to keeping judges from magically transforming acquittals into prison time. [Bloomberg Law News]
* TIL they tried to impose a salary cap on esports players, but the federal government intervened. Not sure this is the urgent antitrust action we were all waiting for, but you do you. [Law360]
* Not entirely surprising, but the financial jitters slowing big deal work have prompted more mid-sized deals and consequently more work for the Am Law second 50. It’s good to dominate the wading pool when everyone’s scared of the waves. [American Lawyer]
* Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow’s lawyer is an internet sensation. [Yahoo]
* Former aide to the governor of Maryland accused of corruption died in “agent-involved shooting” which is the awkward passive phrasing of “shot by the FBI.” Further details about how it came to that aren’t out yet. [NPR]
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* NY prosecutors signal that Donald Trump is about to be indicted. It’s probably a misdemeanor for falsifying records to bribe Stormy Daniels into silence, but it’s something. [Huffington Post]
* Speaking of bribery, the trial of the Fox executives accused of bribing soccer officials results in split verdict. The only proper result for a case about a sport that drags on forever and ends in a draw. [Courthouse News Service]
* Alex Murdaugh is appealing his conviction based on… well, the filing doesn’t say but I’m sure those crazy kids will come up with something. [The Hill]
* Brett Favre’s lawyer says his defamation claims against commentators addressing the Mississippi welfare scandal are a “slam dunk.” Which is the wrong sport. [Awful Announcing]
* DoNotPay hit with class action lawsuit. Maybe the algorithm can defend them here! If the company is willing to bet a million on its ability to win a SCOTUS case, it can surely do this pro se. [CBS News]
* DOJ opposing efforts to keep judges from enhancing sentences for minor crime convictions based on allegations where the jury acquitted. See, this is a reason to be furious with Merrick Garland. [Reuters]
* Do you still use paper business cards? Should you upgrade to one of the objectively cooler options out there or are you too much of an American Psycho fan to give up paper? [Daily Business Review]
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* Regulators tell Elon Musk that he can’t start putting chips in people’s brains. GAH! Kill a monkey (or 1500) and suddenly the bureaucrats in Washington won’t let you do anything anymore. [Reuters]
* “Murdaugh Committed Murders As Career Spiraled” should be every attorney’s defense to a rough month… “I know I just considered taking my book of business to Jones Day, but I could’ve done a double murder.” [Law360]
* Biden administration plans to shift the liability for hacks to software manufacturers. This policy seems stupid but at least the president is trying to address the harms of massive data breaches instead of having public fever dreams about drag story time. America is broken. [Bloomberg Law News]
* After securing abortion restrictions, the new right-wing legal mission is advocating for strict voting restrictions. [ProPublica]
* Legal technology made the national news! Our coverage was better. [MSNBC]
* Let the battle for AI supremacy in Biglaw begin! [Legaltech News]
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* When the Trump administration used COVID as a rationale to unilaterally rewrite immigration laws, the Supreme Court thought that was fine. Today, the same justices will scream bloody murder at the idea of the Biden administration using the COVID economic slump to justify forgiving $20K worth of student loans the same way the government forgave millions in PPP loans. Because… reasons. [Reuters]
* Law firms get conservative on legal technology amid recession fears. I guess this means they aren’t trying to bring in tech to reduce attorney ranks. [Legaltech News]
* Rupert Murdoch acknowledges in testimony that Fox News lied about the election. Did these people even have in-house counsel in 2020? [Law360]
* Merrick Garland’s appearance on Capitol Hill tomorrow will very much suck for him. [Esquire]
* The ongoing Neil Gerrard scandal will go to court next week to find out just how much Dechert owes one of its former clients. [Bloomberg Law News]
* Florida court denies the habeas petition a pregnant detainee filed on behalf of her fetus. As always “Life Begins At Conception… Some Terms and Conditions Apply.” [The Guardian]
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* Another effort to strike “non-lawyer” from the industry vernacular. Deploying the phrase to denigrate other professionals is bad, but… it’s pretty important for a host of ethical reasons that folks know if their law firm contact is a lawyer or not. [Law.com]
* Shocking absolutely no one, when faculty met to discuss an effort by some Christian law students to get official recognition for new clubs to exclude LGBTQ students, the meeting was recorded and leaked to Fox News. Because the whole point for these initiatives is to get on Fox News. But now police are involved and students are getting a crash course in the difference between one- and two-party consent states. [NHPR]
* Alex Murdaugh’s lawyer pulled a gun on the prosecutor? Meh, seems par for this course. [Intelligencer]
* Even if Section 230 survives, it won’t shield ChatGPT. [Lawfare]
* Regulators are starting to think billion-dollar crypto deals might be a problem. Welcome to the party. [Reuters]
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* Fox doesn’t own the Discovery Network, but discovery now owns Fox News! See… it’s a Rule 26 joke. [Law360]
* A lawyer who represents themselves may have a fool for a client, but it’s possible that a lawyer hired to represent another lawyer over the handling of Trump’s classified documents case also has a fool for a client. [Reuters]
* There’s a lot of panic that the Supreme Court will fundamentally destroy the internet as we know it, just because they’ve already destroyed voting rights, reproductive rights, and the Second Amendment as we knew them. But everyone is forgetting that the Supreme Court needs to refill its Mana meter before it can obliterate another cornerstone of society. [CBS]
* NBA team hires Weil partner to head up in-house efforts. [Bloomberg]
* Another Republican governor pushing to get the data period-tracking apps into the hands of law enforcement because unlike periods, the fascism train is never late. [Washington Post]
* Jeremy Clarkson tells a lawyer with dyslexia to “learn to spell,” because Jeremy Clarkson is a dick. [Legal Cheek]
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* Supreme Court considering whether or not to blame Google for terrorism, which seems like a stretch because even if someone searched for terrorism, they’d have to wade through 35 ads for unrelated garbage before getting anything relevant. [Vox]
* Allen & Overy becomes first firm to go all in on ChatGPT style tech announcing that it’s working with Harvey. [Legal Futures]
* NBA great George Gervin sues Ralph Lauren for releasing a retro-styled shoe called the “Gervin Mid.” So… apparently Ralph Lauren thought George Gervin was dead. [Law360]
* New York Governor Kathy Hochul fought hard for her right to be publicly humiliated, and officially succeeded as the NY Senate that attempted to offer her basic political dignity caved and officially rejected Hector LaSalle nomination to serve as chief judge. Crackerjack politicking! [Politico]
* Litigation financing spent $3.2B last year. It would be nice if justice didn’t need speculators to function, but if this is the system we’re sticking with, it’s nice that they’re there. [Reuters]
* Kari Lake’s lawyers get slapped with bar complaints because… obviously. [NBC]
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* Just because the law determines that someone is a dangerous threat to others, the Fifth Circuit rules that court orders still can’t take away their guns because that’s a fundamental right. You know, walking around as a free person is a fundamental right too… can the justice system still put criminals in prison? [Reuters]
* Lizzo is now officially 100 percent that bitch. [Law360]
* Baker McKenzie office managing partner steps aside amid investigation into office-wide discrimination claims. [LegalCheek]
* Mergers are going to get bigger. Which is the point of all mergers, but we mean a lot bigger. [American Lawyer]
* Data breaches are going to get costlier to deal with. So maybe plan ahead? Or don’t… plaintiffs lawyers need work too. [Law.com Barometer]
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* Law firms don’t appreciate associates building their own brand through social media. Because “professional development” only flows one direction. [Legal Intelligencer]
* Hunter Biden seems to have found lawyers who are aware that ripping private data off a computer is generally a crime. [Washington Post]
* Real Criminal Defendants Of Beverly Hills. [Reuters]
* Andrew Tate’s got a new lawyer. He’s probably mansplaining how the law works to her right now. [Rolling Stone]
* Supreme Court considers whether algorithms might evade the spirit of internet laws. [The Atlantic]
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* Sam Bankman-Fried objects to “overbroad” bail restrictions. Bail restrictions can be onerous and harassing but these boil down to “please don’t talk to possible witnesses against you or send automatically deleting communications,” which seems… reasonable. Next thing you know they’re going to be telling him he can’t pay fines with magic beans! [Reuters]
* When looking in the mirror in 2023, there’s one question we must all ask ourselves: Was I at Camp Lejeune? I don’t think so, but these ads have got me wondering if I might’ve been stationed there for 5 years and just forgot. [Bloomberg]
* Life Sciences work is going to stay busy. It seems there’s still plenty of money out there despite all the grumbling. [The Recorder]
* It took a Ninth Circuit opinion, but it turns out that, yes, the president can fire people who work for him. Glad we got that settled. [Law360]
* The Prenda Law saga continues as a federal court shuts down the latest attempt of the imprisoned lawyer to file more of the same lawsuits that landed him in prison in the first place. [Ars Technica]
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* There’s a lot to say about Brett Kavanaugh’s speech at Notre Dame Law School, but he used the opportunity to bash the US News rankings blasting the idea that the publication’s reputation survey can capture the quality of an education. His clerks this Term all went to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. [CNN]
* Shearman & Sterling used to be a top 5 earning firm. Now it’s banking on a merger — that feels more like a takeover — to save it. What happened? [American Lawyer]
* Forum shopping has gotten to the point where attorneys pushing fringe legal theories have a 100 percent chance of landing a friendly judge. [The Nation]
* Ted Lieu proposes resolution to regulate AI written by AI. I guess we already let oil companies write environmental laws so this isn’t much different. [NBC]
* John Eastman disbarment proceedings coming soon. [The Guardian]
* Republicans target ESG rules. It’s one thing to complain about the SEC, but these proposals would bar investment funds from making demands on companies they own. So much for the free market! [Bloomberg]