For a long time, Jonathan Lee Riches reigned as Craziest Pro Se Litigant in America. But at a certain point, JLR jumped the proverbial shark. His handwritten complaints, making bizarre allegations against everyone from Michael Vick to Martha Stewart to the late Benazir Bhutto, were just too clever by half. And once he passed the 1,500 mark in lawsuits, his shtick got… old.
Fortunately we have a new favorite pro se party for you. Meet Deborah Frisch (or Deborah E. Frisch, Ph.D., as she identifies herself in court filings). Frisch appears to be something of a loon, despite her doctorate and past teaching positions at such schools as the University of Oregon and the University of Arizona. Ironically enough, or maybe not so ironically, the nutty professor teaches… psychology.
Here’s the charming opening paragraph from a document that Frisch filed last week in federal district court in Oregon:
Plaintiff shall henceforth refer to self as litigant since she is defendant, appellant or plaintiff, depending on which shyster-vermin she is dealing with. Litigant files this response to the order filed by Docket Clerk Brinn and signed by USDC-OR Magistrate Coffin deeming all pending motions… moot since the frocked cowfucker in San Francisco denied the plaintiff’s appeal.
The “frocked cowfucker” appears to be the Honorable Alex Kozinski, Chief Judge of the Ninth Circuit, who served on a panel that rejected a Frisch appeal. For the record, his chambers are in Pasadena, not San Francisco.
Let’s look at the rest of Frisch’s filing, shall we?
Like a surprising number of pro se litigants, Frisch appears to have acquired some understanding, even if botched, of jurisdictional concepts like the final judgment rule and Article III courts:
The cowfucker and its wretched frocked colleagues denied litigant’s allegation that since the final judgment in the case was signed by Mary Moran, it is not a valid final judgment. Indeed, the final judgment needs to be signed by an honest to god article three judge like Chief Judge/Zucchini Patch Slavemaster Ann L. Aiken or Senior Judge Michael Hogan and not by a mere magistrate like Coffin and certainly not by court staff like Forgerer (USDC-OR SO 2009-14, 11(12?).09) Moran.
Chief Judges Kozinski and Aiken might be “cowfuckers” and “Zucchini Patch Slavematers,” respectively — but they are Article III cowfuckers and Zucchini Patch Slavemasters, dammit.
(Professor Frisch, you sound like an Article III Groupie. I like the cut of your jib.)
In the next paragraph, Dr. Frisch takes the gloves off:
Since litigant cannot believe that it is in the court’s interest continue to nonconsensually use Sterling, Christopher and the shyster-gook in Salem who is a whore for Isaiah Kroger’s sick fuck daddy-o to continue to escalate the aggression against the litigant’s rights that began on November 30, 2009 without the consent of Ms. Pew and Ms. Nogelmeier and escalated on May 10 and 17, 2010 to non-consensually include Mr. Pew, Ms. Reeves and Mr. Henry, litigant assumes that the mootness of all pending motions implies the rescinding of the disgusting, unjustified, revolting aggression against the litigant by Mr. Coffin on behalf of as-yet-unindicted-misdemeanors Fonberg-Weller and Weller-Fonberg on May 17, 2010.
Wow. Just… wow.
Deb Frisch rambles on incoherently for a few more lines, then dishes out this gem:
LITIGANT NO LONGER CHOSES TO COMPLY with the illegal first and fourteenth amendment harassment on May 14, 2010 by Gary Gleaves, who engaged in so much pathetic, inappropriate sexual banter disgusted as duck talk with Docket Clerk Brinn that made the litigant want to puke on many occasions. Get a room Gary and Laura you pathetic duck fans. While you’re at it, get a life.
We’re not sure what sexual banter disguised as duck talk talk sounds like — “I’d like to quack you in the quack, spread your webbed feet, and quack your quack,” perhaps? — and we’re not sure we want to find out.
UPDATE: As noted in the comments, “Duck Talk” probably refers to discussion of the University of Oregon Ducks. This completely eluded me, even though I lived in Oregon for a year (while clerking for a Ninth Circuit judge in Portland). As I’ve mentioned before, I am a total sports ignoramus.
After another paragraph of nuttiness, Frisch announces that she’s taking the case to a higher court:
Litigant will file notice of appeal to the supreme court of the fraudulent judgment by cowfucker kozinski’s whores next week.
(Referring to a judgment of the frequently reversed Ninth Circuit as “the fraudulent judgment by cowfucker kozinski’s whores” might actually help Frisch in getting the Roberts Court to grant cert.)
Litigant might wait until Monday to act on allegations above. But litigant might not. You never know what this litigant’s gonna do.
Finally — a line in Frisch’s filing that is undoubtedly true.
You can read the complete filing by clicking on the link below. Deborah Frisch has a long history of insanity on the internets. It would take forever to chronicle it; to get a taste of it, just enter Deborah Frisch into Google, and surf through the many links that are generated. Enjoy.
Frisch v. City of Springfield: Plaintiff’s Response to Docket Clerk Brinn’s Ostensible Official Misconduct [U.S. District Court for the District of Oregon]