Biglaw, Gender, Women's Issues

The Doom Of Our Species: Intelligent Women Refuse To Spawn

We know that the movie Idiocracy stars Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. But if you are at all concerned with the future of humanity, you really need to watch it. The premise of the movie is that smart people have fewer kids than dumb people. And so, over time, humanity gets dumber. THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING. And, sorry to say, but the women of Biglaw are partially to blame. WE NEED YOUR SMART BABIES....

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I know that the movie Idiocracy stars Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. But if you are at all concerned with the future of humanity, you really need to watch it. The premise of the movie is that smart people have fewer kids than dumb people. And so, over time, humanity gets dumber.

THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

And, sorry to say, but the women of Biglaw are partially to blame. WE NEED YOUR SMART BABIES. I know that’s a double standard. I know it’s fundamentally unfair that women have to pass a bowling ball through their vagina while men have to, worst case scenario, jerk off into a cup. But I didn’t make the rules.

And dumb women, all across the world, are pumping out impoverished spawn as if there was an invisible being that lives in the sky who outlaws birth control.

Smart ladies aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. I have proof!

Well, the Wall Street Journal has proof….

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Here’s the report from the Wall Street Journal. Read it. Read it and despair:

A full 43% of skilled white-collar Gen X women, ages 33 to 46 years old, haven’t yet had children based on a study of 2,952 college-educated white-collar workers released last week.

The study conducted for the Center for Work-Life Policy, by Knowledge Networks, suggests the pressures imposed by demanding work schedules of 60 hours or more a week, along with strong career ambitions, heavy debt loads and the sluggish economy, are among the reasons, according to the Center. The conclusions are based on a survey, focus-group discussions and one-on-one interviews.

You see what happens, law schools? Your unreasonably high tuition is killing our species by thwarting our natural inclination to reproduce.

Seriously though, smart, educated, career-focused women need to start f***ing. And having babies. And saving us from the plebeians. Is it the right time? No. Will your career suffer? Probably. Will the guy you mate with turn out to be an unreliable asshole who has his head on a swivel looking for a younger, dumber, less pregnant model? It’s a legitimate risk.

But we need your genes! Don’t you understand? You must do what is hard:

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“Searching for a balance between work demands and personal obligations leaves them overworked, overstressed and overstretched,” the study says.

No doubt. I wouldn’t trade places with a career woman for anything. All indications are that it sucks.

But we need these women to pass on their intelligence, their ambition, and their money to the next generation. Otherwise, I mean just look at the millennials. THEY THINK THEY CAN MAKE FRIENDS ON THE COMPUTER. We don’t need any more of that.

So really, Biglaw ladies. It’s time to pull the goalie. Sucks to be you, but there’s no other way to save our species.

When – And Whether – To Have A Family [Wall Street Journal]

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