Bad Ideas, Breasts, Dubious Defenses, Holy Crap, Nude Dancing, You Go Girl

The Naked Truth Always Comes Out in Court (But Not Like This)

Last month, there was some controversy out in California about public nudity. In San Francisco, it’s totally legal to prance around naked all day long, but local nudists were upset when they found out they might soon be forced to put down a towel before sitting buck-ass-naked on public seats.

Now a similar controversy has traveled to New York — not over increased restrictions on nudity, but whether there can be public nudity at all. Holly Van Voast, a 45-year-old activist for the cause, has had her fair share to say about it. And by “say,” I of course mean “show.”

Van Voast has grinned and bared it all — in Times Square, on the Staten Island Ferry, and most recently, in the middle of Grand Central Station. One of these public displays of middle-aged nudity landed her in Midtown Community Court yesterday, where the naked truth was revealed….

WARNING: A photo of a topless Van Voast — tastefully redacted, of course — appears after the jump. If you can’t handle it, or if you’re not in a place where you can view a (tastefully redacted) photo of a topless woman, please stop reading here.

Van Voast, accompanied by Franklin Schwartz, an 89-year-old court-appointed attorney, showed up to answer for her public nudity charges dressed only in a black coat. Anyone who has ever watched low-budget porn immediately knows exactly what that means. The New York Times has the full monty:

Appearing for a summons she received after exposing herself inside Grand Central in August, Ms. Van Voast wasted little time in building an unimaginably poor defense.

She removed her black coat to reveal her bare breasts to the court. The room went silent. “It was like, ‘What do we do now?’ ” a court officer recalled.

Judge Mella tabled the case until the afternoon, saying she would consider not filing a complaint against Ms. Van Voast if she apologized for her behavior.

Holly Van Voast

Yup, Van Voast was naked underneath her robe coat, and she decided to show Judge Rita Mella a thing or two. (Well, I guess since she exposed both of her boobs, it was exactly two things, but who’s counting?)

Not wanting to go tit for tat, Van Voast later apologized, but left her poor, old lawyer a little bewildered. Hell, I’m surprised Franklin Schwartz didn’t go into cardiac arrest on the spot. I mean, come on: Van Voast’s tetons may not be grand, but they’re still pretty nice for a woman of her age (pay no attention to that mustache).

According to the Times, Schwartz said that “he had never seen anything quite like this in his 62 years of practicing law.” Sounds like he needs to get out more.

In Court for Disrobing, and Doing It Again [New York Times]
Woman Charged with Taking Off Her Clothes in Public Demonstrates Her Technique in Court [ABA Journal]

(hidden for your protection)

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