From time to time, we have an opportunity to opine on LL.M. programs. I think they’re pretty much all worthless (tax LL.M. notwithstanding), but law schools make a lot of money from offering the programs.

There’s a whole industry involved in making you think that just about any LL.M. degree can help you in your career. And, if you don’t already have a job, you want to believe that there’s something simple you can do to improve your situation. Hey, it only costs money.

In the battle between common sense and greedy law schools, desperate job seekers are the losers. But let this be our final battle. If anybody signs up for this proposed LL.M. program, we can officially say that law schools can sell anything….

Here is an LL.M. program at the Michigan State University College of Law that is pending approval:

Global Food Law—LL.M. and M.J. (Online): Professionals can enhance their knowledge of international food law through this entirely online program, which is offered in cooperation with the MSU College of Agriculture and Natural Resources and the MSU Virtual University program.

Food Law? Global Food Law? They want you to pay money to study food law, online?

Here, I’ll save you the trouble — and thousands of dollars. Just spend a year eating crappy food, then walk into an interview, tap your gut, and say, “I know about Food Law.” The interviewer will say, “I’ll bet you do,” and you’ll laugh about it, and maybe later you can go out and grab Twinkies. It’ll be fun.

And much better than the alternative. The alternative is that you put “Global Food Law” on your freaking résumé and the interviewer says, “What is this?,” and you explain, and the guy says, “You paid for that? I’m sorry, please get the hell out of my office, we can’t hire lawyers that have absolutely no respect for the value of a dollar. Try not to purchase the Brooklyn Bridge or your way back to the turnip truck.”

Can you imagine the big laugh the people at MSU Law will get if even one person signs up for this? The only thing that will temper the celebration will be when they realize they have to find somebody to “teach” the damn class. Hell, maybe they’ll hire me. “Hey, isn’t that Above the Law guy fat? Let’s get him to eat pizza while he reads FDA regulations. Fine, fine, we’ll give him free pizza to do it.”

Earlier: The Value of the LL.M. Degree? Still Low


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