Drugs, Lindsay Lohan, Sports

Sports Law, Spaw, Lorts: Drugs Edition

The Nevada State Athletic Commission will decide the fate of Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. in late February. The 26-year-old Mexican fighter tested positive for marijuana in September after his first professional loss.

I found that on CNNSI’s website. I don’t think it means that Chavez’s entire fate will be decided by the state athletic commission. No mortal can see that far into the future. Just his fate as it pertains to boxing in the state of Nevada. All because Chavez smoked some pot before stepping into the ring to get his head hit a bunch of times. This is our nation on drugs.

When I was younger, I thought pot use made you have really bad acne. Because some magazine article I read featured a kid smoking pot who had really bad acne. Later, I bought into the hype surrounding mentally ill adults and their youthful dabblings in acid. Whoa, their brains must be fried. Last year, I gleefully purchased stock in bath-salts-make-people-eat-face-skin. I’m 33 years old and I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever shake the effects of early childhood mythology and propaganda surrounding drug use, even though I’ve spent much of my life imbibing where and when I see fit.

Let’s talk sports drugs….


So Lance Armstrong is appearing on Oprah Winfrey’s network, called the Oprah Winfrey Network, next week. There are very loud whispers that he’ll use the occasion to admit that he doped his way through the Pyrenees on his way to seven Tour de France titles. If true, this would qualify as very big news to those people who were shocked when George Michael announced he was gay.

The BBC considered the possibility that Lance would admit to doping and gamed some of the legal possibilities with some powder-haired barrister jerks along the way. One of the Queen’s subjects had this to say:

Sports lawyer Simon Boyes, who lectures at the Nottingham Law School in the UK, questioned whether it would be a “no-holds barred” interview.

“I can’t imagine Lance Armstrong would take the risk of going into the interview blind, with the potential to say something that could put him in a difficult position,” said Boyes.

“I would be extremely surprised if there wasn’t an agreement beforehand about the kind of questions that will be asked.”

I’m glad to know that bed wetting, risk averse lawyers reside on both sides of the pond. Contra Boyes, I can imagine that Armstrong would take the risk of going into the interview blind. Just think of the sick amount of sympathy it would engender if Lance Armstrong showed up on national TV sporting dark glasses and claimed not to be able to see s**t.

The BBC article also details the various legal pitfalls that remain for Armstrong. From the Dallas insurance company wanting their bonus back to the way in which Armstrong potentially defamed other riders who accused him of doping, the uniball Texan has left a fairly wide wake of possible liability in the short time he’s been on the world stage.

Finally, that old chestnut of perjury is considered. Here, an American lawyer named Stuart Slotnick, takes the reins:

However, the passage of time may well help Armstrong, who swore on oath in 2005 that he had never doped.

“Perjury is a statement under oath that is false and carries a potential prison sentence of up to five years,” said Slotnick.

“But in most cases, with exceptions such as murder, the Statute of Limitations means you have five years in which you can be prosecuted from the date of any crime. After that time, a defendant can go to the judge and say it’s too late.

“I’m sure Armstrong and his team will look back at all his statements to make sure he is clear for five years. Otherwise it might put him in jeopardy.”

I hope Lance doesn’t actually have to “go to the judge and say it’s too late.” I sincerely hope they don’t waste everyone’s time like that. That’d be dumb.


Yesterday, Jerry Sandusky appeared in court as his lawyers argued that his original lawyer was no good and Jerry deserves a new trial but holy god, I cannot for the life of me muster up any sort of excitement for one more round of discussion on Jerry Sandusky. And it is not because what he did was so disgusting, because what he did is a dime-a-dozen sort of thing if you even read the newspaper (whether it’s actually a paper or not because who am I kidding, no one likes ink on their hands), but rather it’s because the possibility of writing any more words about Jerry Sandusky is just so boring to even consider and it reminds me of some awful tabloid fixture like Kim Kardashian or Lindsay Lohan, and who really wants to read anything more about those two. But then as I say this, I’m greeted by the best profile of Lindsay Lohan that has ever been written and you guys should probably read it if you haven’t already because it’s seriously the best, and don’t worry about getting ink on your hands because you can read this newspaper on your computer by clicking here or even here or… yep, here.


* Florida State running back James Wilder Jr. was arrested for the third time in less than a year this week. Wilder is the son of James Wilder, a former NFL running back, not Thornton Wilder. While we’re somehow on the subject, I hated Our Town. Loathed it, really. Terrible play.

* Andray Blatche was questioned as part of an investigation into an alleged sexual assault. That last name is so onomatopoeic.

* Oakland Raider Rolando McClain was arrested again this week. The arrest began with tinted windows and ended with the words “F**k y’all.” Just win, baby.

Lance Armstrong: What could be fallout from Oprah interview? [BBC]
Jerry Sandusky Had An Appeal Hearing Today, Which Meant Lawyerin’ Joe Was A Witness To His Own Lawyerin’ [Deadspin]
Here Is What Happens When You Cast Lindsay Lohan in Your Movie [New York Times Magazine]

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