Now in its eleventy-billionth season, The Bachelorette is one of my guiltiest of pleasures, if only because it’s so ridiculous. If for some reason you haven’t seen the show, here’s the plot: 25 guys get together to show off their machismo and vie for the heart of one of the rejects from The Bachelor in an epic battle to get a taste of those sweet sloppy seconds on national television. In an ideal world, the show’s subtitle would be something like “Because We’re Sick of the Women on Match.com and Their MySpace Angles.”
Anyway, this show usually attempts to pair successful gentleman callers with your average girl-next-door types (and yes, these days, girls next door quit their jobs and move back in with their parents specifically so they can be on a reality TV dating show). Ever since the show featured a more respectable female suitor (read: a dental student) in 2011, ABC’s been upping the ante with respect to the qualifications of the mostly all-white male contestants.
The show hasn’t even aired yet, but we’ve got an inside tip on one of the men who will appear on this season’s trainwreck. One of them is a federal prosecutor, and he’s a major, major stud.
Can you smell the prestige?
Meet Mike Garofola, an assistant U.S. attorney practicing out of the Southern District of Florida. This guy is basically a ghost when it comes to his online presence, but we have it on good authority that he’s a graduate of Fordham Law and clerked for Chief Judge Federico Moreno of the Southern District of Florida. When reached for comment, a representative from the U.S. Attorney’s Office wished Garofola luck in what’s likely to be an embarrassing jaunt into the wonderful world of realty television.
How could this guy possibly stand a chance among the doctors and former MLB players who will be co-starring with him on the show? Well, the Southern District of Florida Blog has some ideas:
He’s used to competing, beating out hundreds of applicants for a federal clerkship and then a job at the United States Attorney’s Office. And as a trial lawyer, he’s used to performing for an audience. So he stands a good chance.
Oh, and there’s also this:
Not for nothing, but this chick would be out of her mind if she didn’t want to check out his briefs.
Best of luck to Mike as he tries to find his one true love. We’ll be purchasing tickets for that gun show!
Local AUSA Mike Garofalo to be on The Bachelorette [Southern District of Florida Blog]