Attorney Misconduct, Legal Ethics, Litigators, Rudeness

Lawyer Suspended From Practice For Being Lazy, Sarcastic Tool

Asking opposing counsel if he's "grow[n] a pair" yet will probably land a lawyer in the hot seat.

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Law is a profession that attracts some of the most cunning of linguists modern society has to offer. The ability to speak eloquently about dense legal concepts is an art that takes years to perfect, and is a skill that some lawyers can only hope to someday achieve. Until that time rolls around, other lawyers are happy to roll up their sleeves and employ the usage of a language they’re all fluent in to prove their respective points: sarcasm. It’s the lazy lawyer’s key to success — but it can also serve as his undoing.

Sometimes, being overly sarcastic can earn a lawyer a reputation for being a loveable jokester. Other times, being overly sarcastic can earn a lawyer a seat at his very own disciplinary hearing. For example, asking opposing counsel if he’s “grow[n] a pair” yet would probably land a lawyer in the hot seat.

The subject of today’s foray into ethical lapses definitely grew a pair of his own, because not only was he censured for his over-the-top sarcastic remarks, but he also admitted that he’d been ignoring his work in favor of golf trips and exotic vacations. Fore! Watch out for that legal career hitting the sand trap…

Meet Jared E. Stolz, a graduate of Seton Hall Law, who practices insurance coverage law. According to the 41-page opinion of the New Jersey Supreme Court’s Disciplinary Review Board, Stolz was a very bad boy from 2009-2010, when he sent the following snarky emails and faxes to opposing counsel on a case:

“Don’t feel you have to email me daily and let me know just how smart you are.”

“This will acknowledge receipt of your numerous Emails, faxes and letters. … In response thereto, Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla.”

“Did you get beat up in school a lot?, because you whine like a little girl.”

“Why don’t you grow a pair?”

“I’d send you the delivery receipt, but I put both your email addresses in my ‘Junk Mail’ box, because that is all I get from you, JUNK.”

“What’s that girlie email you have. Hotbox.com or something?”

During a later court hearing with the lawyer on the receiving end of Stolz’s less-than-cordial comments, a physical altercation occurred, and Stolz was asked not to touch the other lawyer. This exchange gave way to Stolz’s immediate, frat boy response: “Why would I want to touch a fag like you?” That’s just lovely.

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On top of Stolz’s not-so-witty repartee with opposing counsel, the fact that he’d been ignoring his cases in favor of more exciting opportunities — like international travel and golfing — came to light after he was accused of lying to a judge. For this transgression, Stolz apologized in the most nonchalant way possible:

I neglected my files. I played too much golf, I went to Punta Cana with my family all within two months. Was it wrong? I don’t know. This is the lifestyle I’ve chosen, the practice I’ve chosen because I worked at [a law firm] for 15 years in a cubical [sic] rising to managing director. I didn’t want that anymore. I want to play golf. I do insurance work. I missed it. I screwed up. I had no motivation to lie to the judge about this particular thing. …

Am I going to get lazy again and play more golf? I hope so. But I certainly did not intentionally lie to [a judge] or intentionally lie to [opposing counsel].

Luckily for Stolz, his antics earned him a three-month suspension from the practice of law. Of course, we say “luckily” because now Stolz will have plenty of time to get out there and hit the links. ::golf claps::

(Flip to the next page to see the full disciplinary opinion against Jared Stolz.)

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