Non-Sequiturs: 02.05.15

* Student suspended for "terroristic threat" because he brought Sauron's ring to school. If we outlaw magic rings, only outlaws will have magic rings. [Lowering the Bar] * Jami Tillotson, the public defender arrested for defending the public, will not be charged with anything, which is for the best since she didn't do anything wrong. [SF Weekly] * Elizabeth Wurtzel is getting a boob job. Oh, and she has cancer. But her essay makes it clear that she's way more focused about moving to a D cup. [Vice] * Remember when Eric Holder ended the scheme that let federal and local law enforcement divvy up forfeiture proceeds? Well, not so fast my friend. [LFC360] * Federal judges investigating an extramarital affair between a prosecutor and an ATF agent. Because the only one who's supposed to get rogered in the criminal justice system is the defendant. [The Florida Times-Union] * A freelance lawyer focusing on legal ethics raises ethical concerns. How meta. [Legal Research and Writing Pro] * Guess who didn't file an amicus brief in King v. Burwell? Does the Chamber of Commerce think this argument is just too dumb to stake their reputation? [Constitutional Accountability Center] * Watch out for some light spoilers in this review of Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [Legal Underground] * Law school grad wants to pay someone to actually teach him or her how to practice law. Because obviously the last $150K+ didn't do it. Since this may get taken down, we've got a screenshot of the post on the next page. [Craigslist]