Judge Rips Into Lawyer For Dressing 'Like Something Out Of Harry Potter'
The transcript of this benchslap is both hilarious and cringe-worthy.
Several months ago, our friends at Legal Cheek uncovered the curious case of a solicitor named Alan Blacker. Though you wouldn’t know his name if you met him in court, because in such formal settings, Blacker goes by “The Right Honourable Lord Harley of Counsel,” which as probably fake names go is better than my title, “Lord Buick of Sentencing Memo.” Anyway, Little Lord Fauntleroy here shows up to a hearing using his fancy title adorned with military decorations… from “volunteer medical work.”
This, understandably, enraged Judge Wynn Morgan (who has his own history of grandstanding for publicity). Judge Morgan cast aspersions on the solicitor’s title and then laid into him over his outfit. But we had all this second-hand.
Now Legal Cheek has gotten ahold of the transcript from this fateful hearing, and the dust-up between the judge and discount Hagrid can be read in all its glory.
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JUDGE MORGAN: … I am sure there has been something on the jury’s mind, and it has been on my mind, and I would be very grateful if, now that the matter has concluded, we can discover: What are these ribbons on your gown, please?
LORD HARLEY: I am sorry, your Honour?
JUDGE MORGAN: What are the ribbons?
LORD HARLEY: They are service medals, sir, for voluntary medical service.
JUDGE MORGAN: I am so sorry?
LORD HARLEY: They are service medal ribbons, your Honour, for voluntary medical service.
JUDGE MORGAN: Voluntary?
LORD HARLEY: Medical service. I have been an officer in both the St John’s Ambulance Brigade and in the Emergency Response Service.
JUDGE MORGAN: And you wear them on your gown as a matter of course, do you?
Pretty judgmental for a grown man wearing a wig. Seriously, everything about dress-up time in the UK is so stupid and listening to a man in a ridiculous getup chastise another man for his ridiculous getup is the height of absurdity. This is like watching bad cosplayers fight at the Comic-Con hotel bar, except a person has actually died here.
Like any good nerd, Lord Harley appeals to canonical authority, explaining that no less an authority than the Lord Chief Justice of the United Kingdom, Lord Thompson, told him that he could wear his medals in court. Unfortunately…
JUDGE MORGAN: Lord Thompson?
LORD HARLEY: Yes, your Honour. I do not believe he is still the Lord Chief Justice. I believe he has now retired.
JUDGE MORGAN: Well, to my certain knowledge, since I started practise in 1978, there has been no Lord Chief Justice in England, Wales or Northern Ireland called Thompson.
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D’oh. I’ve never practiced in the UK, but wouldn’t every lawyer know the past several Lord Chief Justices of the UK? Like, I’d imagine that would be like me saying “oh, yeah, Chief Justice Bork gave that to me” and expecting that could hoodwink a judge.
Feeling like he’s on a roll, the judge starts going after Lord Harley’s earldom before he gets cocky and starts saying a bunch of stuff about the regulation of lawyers in England that isn’t true (at least according to Legal Cheek, and I trust them because they actually do this crazy British system thing). Flew too close to the sun there, your Honour.
Judge Morgan found a new soft spot to attack when it came to his attention that — in addition to the medals — Lord Harley had badges sewn into his gown as if being a lawyer was like being a Webelos or something.
JUDGE MORGAN: I have not been able to see them but I also understand that you have some badges attached to your gown, is that right?
LORD HARLEY: I have the badge of my regimental association, your Honour, who paid for a substantial part of my education in the law and as an advocate …
JUDGE MORGAN: All credit to them, I am sure.
LORD HARLEY: Thank you, your Honour.
Snap.
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Lord Harley sounds like a tool, but Judge Morgan seems like a bit of a dick too, especially when he drags the poor opposing counsel into this to dial up the humiliation:
JUDGE MORGAN: … As I say, I have been practising in these courts since 1978, I am not going to embarrass him but your opponent has been here even longer than I, have you not? (pause) Mr Nicholas Gareth Jones, have you ever seen a barrister or a solicitor appear before these courts wearing medal ribbons?
MR JONES: No.
JUDGE MORGAN: Have you ever seen a barrister or a solicitor appearing before these courts with badges sewn onto his gown?
MR JONES: No.
JUDGE MORGAN: Do you recall, as I certainly do, that here in South Wales we had a barrister who later became a distinguished judge who had won, during the Battle of Normandy, the highest honour for gallantry, the Victoria Cross?
MR JONES: Yes.
JUDGE MORGAN: Did you ever see that particular individual coming into court wearing a medal ribbon?
MR JONES: No.
JUDGE MORGAN: Would you not agree with me that that particular individual would have regarded it as the height of vulgarity for such a thing to be done?
Poor Mr. Gareth Jones. The only thing worse than a dressing down is being used as an expendable prop in someone else’s dressing down.
JUDGE MORGAN: … If you ever appear before this court again dressed as you are at the moment, I shall exercise my right to decline to hear you. I did not raise any of these matters before this case started, although I wanted to, because I am mindful of the fact that a young man has died and I did not want to interfere with the dignity of the proceedings, but if you want to come into court looking like something out of Harry Potter, you can forget coming into this court ever again. Do I make myself clear?
And there’s the famous line we all heard about last summer. Pretty brutal tongue-lashing. What does Lord Harley have to say in his defense?
As for south Wales’s most notorious advocate himself — Blacker too had short shrift for this publication:
“Dear Sirs and Mesdames,” he wrote to Legal Cheek. “His Lordship makes no comments to the gutter press.”
So I assume he’ll be happy to talk to Above the Law.
(Flip to the next page for the complete transcript.)
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