When Humor In The Courtroom Isn't Funny

Was the "Valley Girl Prosecutor" video funny or very disturbing?

This august publication ran a story last week about an AUSA arguing in the Ninth Circuit. At the start of the argument, the lawyer announced that she was retiring at the end of the month. She had a conversation with the panel about where she went to law school and where a judge on the panel’s wife went to law school. She told them that she’s a legitimate valley girl and tells them, valley girl style — “Oh My God, I went to Cal.”

It sounded like what the start of Baby Got Back would have been if Sir Mix-a-Lot didn’t like people who went to Cal. You should check it out:

In lots of criminal appeals, the government doesn’t really need all that much argument time, and the court knows the success rate of the defense. Everyone knows the defense has an appeal as of right and gets a free lawyer to do it; the barrier to entry on an appeal is low, which, I suspect, gives judges a bit of a jaundiced eye from the start to the claims in a criminal appeal. For AUSAs and Judges who have forgotten that the case matters a whole lot to the person in prison, spending a minute or two yucking it up won’t really matter to what’s going to ultimately happen in the case.

And, as Kierkegaard taught us in Either/Or, laughter is a powerful thing:

A strange thing happened to me in my dream. I was rapt into the Seventh Heaven. There sat all the gods assembled. As a special dispensation I was granted the favor to have one wish. “Do you wish for youth,” said Mercury, “or for beauty, or power, or a long life; or do you wish for the most beautiful woman, or any other of the many fine things we have in our treasure trove? Choose, but only one thing!” For a moment I was at a loss. Then I addressed the gods in this wise: “Most honorable contemporaries, I choose one thing—that I may always have the laughs on MY side.” Not one god made answer, but all began to laugh. From this I concluded that my wish had been granted and thought that the gods knew how to express themselves with good taste

I don’t begrudge the AUSA. It’s harder for a court to say no to a friend; it’s good to have friends.

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Laughter, that is to say, humanizes.

That said, I agree with one of the commenters on Lat’s piece, D Toole:

No, I don’t find it adorable.
I find it highly disturbing our society gives the power to ruin the lives of the less fortunate to rich, privileged snobs.

I think it’s a rare defense lawyer who would get that kind of reception from an appellate panel. But judges are accustomed to seeing AUSAs and AUSAs are comfortable arguing appeals because they aren’t really required to meaningfully advocate in most cases — they announce who they represent and field questions if they need to. If they want to throw in a little soft shoe while standing there, why not?

Check out the demeanor of the defense lawyer who stands up for rebuttal after Henny Youngman. She looks out of place — like the homeschooled kid who is trying to find a place to sit on her first day of junior high. I’m not saying she’s a bad advocate; I’m saying that at some point she should get to argue her client’s case without having to worry that she isn’t hitting enough punchlines.

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Imagine for a moment that the client’s family was in the courtroom. You know, the guy who is in prison because the aged Valley Girl put him there. What is that guy’s family to think? Do they think their loved one got a fair shake? Do they think this is a neutral body? Do they think the judges are treating each side without fear or favor?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for humor and I’m all for humor in the courtroom. It can break the monotony of what are often otherwise dry proceedings, and it can be very effective advocacy. Though what’s the joke here? As I see it, the joke is “I am powerful enough to ignore the formality that is normally expected here.” Or, perhaps, “I am from the government, so I am allowed to be this self-involved, because talking about myself is more interesting than talking about this case.”

I have a hard time casting these jokes as anything that approaches funny. I’m not hating on humor in the courtroom; I just don’t think the jokes should suck.