A woman in North Dakota decided to hand out letters to trick-or-treaters that she deemed obese, explaining that she would not give candy to the overweight and chastising parents for letting their kids get this way.
Yeah, she’s a b**ch.
But it got Joe and Elie arguing about the ill-fated New York soda ban and whether the government — as opposed to a random lady in North Dakota — has any legitimate role in policing obesity….
Chilis, Sugar, Salt, Garlic, Distilled Vinegar, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Bisulfate as preservatives, and Xanthan Gum.
That’s how you make Sriracha sauce. Is it tasty? Sure. Does a hipster-filled Asian restaurant absolutely reek of the stuff? Yes.
Now imagine what it smells like to live next to the Sriracha factory where they mass produce that stuff, pumping out a dense cloud of vaporized high-octane chili vinegar 24/7. The residents of Irwindale, California don’t have to imagine, and the city has decided it’s sick and tired of living next to the cock-emblazoned factory and filed suit to shut down the plant.
It hasn’t taken long for the short-sighted, “screw lawyers” media narrative to take off…
One of the best things about my job is when I get to speak to law students on campus. I like talking to people, and I like dodging bullets from law school deans — it’s really the only exercise I get.
If you are kind of enough to pay for my travel and invite me to speak to your student group, I really don’t care if people leave in the middle of my talk. I know that sometimes students come to these things to grab a free lunch and then cut out, but even if you come to hear me for five minutes, I’m appreciative. The way I see it:
A. If I’m not an entertaining enough person to hold people’s attention for an hour, that’s on me. That’s my fault. It’s not like people walk out of a Louis C.K. performance five minutes in. I’m not as good as he is, but again, that’s my problem, not yours.
B. Five minutes is a REALLY LONG TIME. That’s as long as a Saturday Night Live monologue. It’s longer than the iconic Simpsons opening. You can attempt three forward passes and a punt in five minutes. You can kill a man with your bare hands in five minutes. I would love to be able to give everybody a free lunch who spent five minutes with one of my articles. My traffic would instantly quadruple and I’d be a rich man (mainly from the replication and teleportation technologies, but still). If you are willing to listen to me for even five minutes, thank you.
Of course, not everybody thinks like me. Speaking in front of people is a fundamentally egotistical adventure, and egomaniacs are liable to become butthurt when you get up and walk out in the middle of one of their sentences. They expect you to stay and hear all the details about how they sat with Arthur Miller masturbating to Nancy Grace reading the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.
And so one law school student organization is trying to do something about these diners and dashers, while another one thinks people should chill out with the rule making. See if you can guess which ones…
Does anybody really think Red Bull is good for you? For a moment, I’m not talking about legal standards or product safety or efficacious warning labels. I’m asking, just between us, don’t we all know that ingesting caffeine and sugar bombs is not a healthy thing? People aren’t supposed to have wings. We are terrestrial beings. I’d guess that every ingested substance that has ever made humans feel like they’ve slipped the bonds of gravity is bad for you.
A Brooklyn man downed a Red Bull, played some basketball, had a heart attack, and died. Does it really surprise anybody that this happens every now and again?
Okay, now put your “law talking” hats back on. Is it a wrongful death when somebody drinks something, dies, and everybody besides the manufacturer kind of shrugs and thinks, “Yeah, that’ll dog you”? This lawsuit alleging fraud, failure to warn, and breach of warranty by Red Bull manufacturers is surprising only insofar as it hasn’t been brought a hundred times already…
This is an absurd lawsuit. It’s about tacos. Because Elie spent today at CNBC appearing on Power Lunch along with Staci, I get to write this story instead, which is probably for the best because I can emotionally distance myself from the possibility that a taco dispensary may have to go out of business.
Two restaurants are squaring off in court over allegedly purloined taco recipes.
Yes, Biglaw partners are actually making statements about taco litigation…
It doesn’t have to be this way. Food and drink should be sources of health and happiness in one’s life. And they’re worthy subjects of intellectual interest as well; someone should start a museum devoted to them, don’t you think?
Let’s meet a lawyer whose love for food and drink has manifested itself in a healthy way….
Ed. note: This is the latest installment in a series of posts from the ATL Career Center’s team of expert contributors. Today, Megan Grandinetti — an attorney, health coach, and yoga teacher, whom we recently profiled — offers seven health tips for junior associates.
Law school does not prepare you for what it takes to be a junior associate. As a junior associate, you are experiencing a brand new kind of stress (the really bad kind!), which on its own can cause weight gain. Stress can also increase your blood pressure, prevent you from sleeping, give you unpleasant digestive symptoms (yuck), and wreak havoc on even the healthiest relationships.
Because you might be in a bit over your head, with very little time to take care of yourself, it is really easy to make choices that are bad for your health when you start your legal career.
Here are seven easy tips to help you make the first couple of years just a little bit healthier.
If so, you’re not alone. We’ve written before about how a legal career can be hazardous for your waistline. In a reader poll asking whether you’ve gained weight during your career as a legal professional, almost 60 percent of you answered in the affirmative (“yes, and I’m tipping the scales of justice”).
So what can be done? Meet a former Biglaw associate who can help you turn things around. Based on her own fit and fabulous physique, this attractive attorney knows a thing or two about getting and staying in shape….
Welcome to Above the Law’s newest feature, Fun With Fine Print. This occasional column will chronicle especially clever or awful examples of legalese, fine print, disclaimers, disclosures, and the like. Our readers who spend so much time toiling over contractual language, drafting it beforehand or litigating it after the fact, will hopefully appreciate — and contribute to — this feature.
We’ll start things off with an example of infamous fine print. Earlier this year, Subway got torpedoed over its regrettable response to a customer complaint. After Australian teenager Matt Corby complained that his “footlong” Subway sub was a mere eleven inches, Subway invoked the following fine print: “With regards to the size of the bread and calling it a footlong, ‘SUBWAY FOOTLONG’ is a registered trademark as a descriptive name for the sub sold in Subway® Restaurants and not intended to be a measurement of length.” Personally speaking, I think eleven inches is more than enough — but based on the uproar and litigation, maybe I’m in the minority.
Now let’s look at legalese worth celebrating, for its cleverness and its clarity. It also comes from a fast-food provider….
The holiday season is upon us, and yet again, you have no idea what to get for the fickle lawyer in your life. We’re here to help. Even if your bonus check hasn’t arrived yet, any one of the gifts we’ve highlighted here could be a worthy substitute until your employer decides to make it rain.
We’ve got an eclectic selection for you to choose from, so settle in by that stack of documents yet to be reviewed and dig in…
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past six years. You can reach them by email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
We currently have a very exciting and rare type of in-house opening in China at one of the world’s leading internet and social media companies. Our client is looking for an IP Transactional / TMT / Licensing attorney with 2 to 6 years experience. The new hire will be based in Shenzhen or Shanghai. Mandarin is not required (deal documentation will be in English) but is preferred. A solid reason to be in China and a commitment to that market is required of course. This new hire will likely be US qualified (but could also be qualified in UK or other jurisdictions) and with experience and training at a top law firm’s IP transactional / TMT practice and could be currently at a law firm or in-house. Qualified candidates currently Asia based, Europe based or US based will be considered. The new hire’s supervisors in this technology transactions in-house team are very well regarded US trained IP transactional lawyers, with substantial experience at Silicon Valley firms. The culture and atmosphere in this in-house group and the company in general is entrepreneurial, team oriented, and the work is cutting edge, even for a cutting edge industry. The upside of being in an important strategic in-house position in this fast growing and world leading internet company is of the “sky is the limit” variety. Its a very exciting place to be in China for a rising IP transactional lawyer in our opinion, for many reasons beyond the basic info we can share here in this ad / post. This is a special A+ opportunity.
If your firm is in ‘go’ mode when it comes to recruiting lateral partners with loyal clients, then take this quiz to see how well you measure up. Keep track of your ‘yes’ and ‘no’ responses.
1. Does your firm have a clearly defined strategy of practice groups that are priorities of growth for your office? Nothing gets done by random chance, but with a clear vision for the future. Identify the top practice areas for which you wish to add lateral partners. Seek input from practice group leaders and get specifics on needs, outcomes, and ideal target profiles.
2. In addition to clarifying your firm’s growth strategy, are you still open to the hire of a partner outside of your plan? I’ve made several placements that fit this category. The partner’s practice was not within the strategic growth plan of my client, but once the two parties started talking with each other, we all saw how it could indeed be a seamless fit. Be open to “Opportunistic Hires.” You never know where your next producing partner might come from, so you have to be open to it. I will be the first to admit that there is a quirky element of randomness in recruiting.
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