Morning Docket

* Lawyer sentenced 4 to 23 months for trading representation for sex acts. Yet again the billable hour triumphs over alternative fee arrangements. [ABA Journal]

* Things look bleak for Chevron, soon-to-be toppled by a literal red herring. [Slate]

* Supreme Court also considered whether a pure omission amounts to securities fraud. [Bloomberg Law News]

* In the UK, Conservatives launch negative campaign against Labour leader for having been a lawyer. [LegalCheek]

* Fifth Circuit blocks Texas book ban. [NBC News]

* Private equity practices poised for growth as dealmakers embrace the end of the-little-recession-that-couldn’t. [American Lawyer]

* Bill Barr’s new law firm adds a bunch of the other former White House lawyers who pushed back against the insurrection making them “too disgraced from working with Trump for most firms… not quite disgraced enough to work for a firm that could ever work for Trump again.” Good luck in that niche. [Reuters]

* Supreme Court to hear argument over fishing regulations, but it’s just a red herring for the justices to destroy Chevron. [Bloomberg Law News]

* When Eric Adams decided to beat back the federal corruption probe into his fundraising by doing more fundraising, there was concern that the identity of the donors might make things worse for Adams. Let’s see… “billionaire businessman with ties to sanctioned Russian oligarchs”? Perfect. No notes. [NY Daily News]

* E. Jean Carroll team notes that Trump’s continued to constantly defame ever since he lost the case and asks jury to consider how much money it would take to make him stop. [Business Insider]

* Court to decide proper standard for giving fired union advocates their jobs back. The workers are in venti trouble. [ABA Journal]

* Fake nudes could become real crime. [WSJ]

* Multiple billion+ energy and infrastructure deals last week for Kirkland and Akin. [American Lawyer]

* Brazil’s courts leaning into AI to deal with court clog. [Law.com International]

* Firms offering black box partner comp really hope senior lawyers aren’t competitive high-achievers who might care about their self-worth or anything. [American Lawyer]

* Joe Tacopina leaves Trump legal team. But he’ll always have the good times to look back on. [Reuters]

* Security risks to federal judges on display as Trump’s followers phone in threats. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Judge says law professor paying his benchslapping to a charity didn’t meet the terms of the sanction order. [ABA Journal]

* Supreme Court set to decide if cities can crack down on homeless population. Unlikely to go well for homeless. [Guardian]

* Chicago Bears general counsel out. Coaching that finished at the bottom of the division still there. [Law.com]

* Funniest lawyer in New Jersey running for governor. [Gothamist]

* Elon’s admitted drug use combined with rumors that he showed up to a company meeting on drugs have raised insurance issues for his board. [Bloomberg Law News]

* While we’ve seen some Biglaw firms make big ticket real estate splashes, many have figured out the basic hoteling strategy that the rest of corporate America embraced years ago. We’ve been advocating this for a while now. [Law.com]

* Bids to get Trump kicked off state ballots aren’t necessarily the work of Democrats. A profile of the conservatives pushing to invoke the Fourteenth Amendment. [Reuters]

* AI hallucinates when asked legal questions… writes The Hill roughly a year after everyone else figured that out and months after the big players in the space announced products to avoid this. Starting to understand why NYTimes Pitchbot has a “no The Hill” policy. [The Hill]

* Prince estate continues to be fraught with conflict eight years on. [Variety]

* Judge in Trump’s civil trial receives bomb threat. Probably because he wouldn’t let Trump bomb his own closing. [Daily Beast]

* Bob Menendez hires Jones Day lawyer from McDonnell team that got the Supreme Court to functionally legalize public corruption. Hope the firm likes being paid in gold bars. [Politico]

* Ron DeSantis keeps on losing. Today it’s the Eleventh Circuit ruling that, as governor, he cannot just fire local officials from office. Next week it’s Iowa.  [Reuters]

* Bankruptcy partners charging up to $2400 per hour. No wonder the client went bankrupt. [American Lawyer]

* Ohio law requiring parental consent to obtain a social media account blocked like it was an anti-vaxx high school acquaintance. [CNN]

* Biglaw may have failed to recognize as clients began sending some work elsewhere. Probably too busy rolling around naked in piles of cash to notice. [ABA Journal]

* The mass exodus from Fisher Broyles suggested that fully distributed firms carry instability along with their promise. This piece carries that idea further and suggests that it’s the faster evolution of these firms as a concept that holds seeds of any one entity’s destruction [Bloomberg Law News]

* Here we go again. Rates increase, clients say they’re going to give the work to more cost effective firms, this lasts until someone gets skittish about not using Cravath, everything goes back to normal. We’re apparently now in stage 2. [American Lawyer]

* FTC paying cash prizes for people who can figure out how to stop voice cloning. [Corporate Counsel]

* Most law firm associates were women last year… [Reuters]

* … and therefore white dudes who can’t get firm jobs are lining up to sue. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Jewish family whose painting got looted by Nazis. The Ninth Circuit decided to still not give it back. [LA Times]

* Disneyworld as law enforcement tool. [The Hill]

* AI soon to replace human fashion models. This carries both name-image-likeness and diversity concerns, but also how will Leonardo DiCaprio know who to date? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Labor Department imposes rule preventing employers from calling anyone who relies on the job for their livelihood as independent contractors to keep them cheap. [Reuters]

* Debt collectors hitting people up with overnight email or texts likely violating federal law. [New Jersey Law Journal]

* Look how easy it is for the Supreme Court to jump ahead of the appellate courts when it doesn’t involve the speedy resolution of Donald Trump’s trials. [ABA Journal]

* Attorneys argue that NRA functioned as Wayne LaPierre’s “piggy bank.” [Courthouse News Service]

* Judges in England and Wales can use AI in their opinions. Does the computer have to wear a silly wig, too? [ABC]

* Fully distributed firms offer a lot of benefits, but long-term stability might not be one of them. [American Lawyer]

* When does being a good corporate citizen become collusion. [Bloomberg Law News]

* You got peanut butter in my chocolate! But it doesn’t look right so let’s sue.[ABA Journal]

* Biglaw raises trickle across the pond. [LegalCheek]

* Trump plans to use 18th century law to spark mass deportations. [Rolling Stone]

* Elon might be a failure at running a social media company or building cars that don’t spontaneously combust, but he might succeed at undermining decades of labor law. [New Republic]

* Lawyer asks for probation over being coked up in court. [GoErie]

* NYC sues the bus companies for participating in the human trafficking regime that Texas is running. A more significant trafficking development than the slight record change in the Epstein case and literally getting a fraction of the coverage. [Reuters]

* Woman who sucks… still sucks. [CNN]

* Law360’s management is bad at things? NO… that can’t be. [TheVerge]

* The Times did something stupid so guess who is there to talk about it… [Washington Post]

* DISCO is… not having a good 365 days. Or the best 365 days? [Bloomberg Law News]

* I’ll take 64 loads from my footlong. This is entirely an advertising suit. [ABA Journal]

* Good thought experiment: if the ballot question was political, where do state courts stand. [Law.com]

* Unsealed Jeffrey Epstein documents include references to Alan Dershowitz and social media is going wild even though we’ve known about these accusations for a really long time and Dershowitz already settled a case about this in 2022. [CNN]

* Meanwhile, Pat McAfee decided to punt in a bid to avoid defamation liability after his buddy Aaron Rodgers accused Jimmy Kimmel of being on the Epstein list… which of course Kimmel is not. [Variety]

* Trump asks Supreme Court to overturn Colorado ballot decision. It’s not going to happen, but a full-throated endorsement of states’ rights would be the funniest outcome. [CBS]

* Calls to sue the Cincinnati Bengals over allegedly covering up an injury and skewing the gambling market. On the one hand, this is stupid. On the other hand, screw the Bengals. [Bloomberg Law News]

* West Point can continue its admissions policy after federal judge tossed a preliminary injunction request for Ed Blum’s Bigot Brigade. [Reuters]

* Law firm consolidation set to “heat up” this year. [American Lawyer]

* Prosecutors add Qatar to the list of countries Bob Menendez allegedly took money from. Maybe he was just slowly trying to drain funding for Hamas by collecting all the cash himself… did you ever think of that? [Washington Post]

* Federal law requires emergency room doctors to save lives — including where abortions are necessary to save the life of a mother. Because the Supremacy Clause just doesn’t exist in the minds of Texans, the state argued that its abortion ban superseded federal law and the Fifth Circuit agreed because it’s the Fifth Circuit. [Texas Tribune]

* Speaking of Texas and the Supremacy Clause, the federal government has now asked the Supreme Court to intervene on the state’s effort to create its own border policy. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Tom Girardi becomes real defendant of Beverly Hills after court deems him competent to stand trial. [Law360]

* Former bankruptcy judge argues that he can’t be sued for his actions on the bench, even if those actions on the bench benefited the lawyer he was secretly sleeping with. [Reuters]

* Law professors are working together on generative AI policies. [ABA Journal]

* The answer to the question of whether the fake case citations tussle would be stupid or bad news for Michael Cohen has been answered: bad news for Michael Cohen. But also… how does the lawyer not check random research provided by a client?!? [NPR]

* Steamboat Willie is now public domain… so obviously dumb people are turning it into NFTs. [Cointelegraph]

* Key antitrust questions that the courts could — but inevitably won’t — answer. [Reuters]

* Lawsuit alleges the NFL engaged in strong-arm, monopolistic practices? No, that can’t be! [Courthouse News Service]

* DOJ plans to open the new year with a lot of white-collar guilty pleas. [Bloomberg Law News]

* More than 130 lawyers join Pierson Ferdinand from Fisher Broyles. [American Lawyer]

* The law firms we lost in 2023. Turn up your speakers and hit Sarah MacLachlan’s Angel for this one.[American Lawyer]

* Maine joins Colorado and invokes the Fourteenth Amendment to bar Trump from the ballot. Critics point out that, politically, this is only happening in states Trump would lose in November — which is true — but it could compromise the nomination if he’s stripped of delegates from a significant number of states. Or could have compromised the nomination before Nikki Haley decided to blow up her career over a remedial American History question. [CNN]

* DOJ threatens to sue Texas over its new border law because the Supremacy Clause still exists. [Houston Chronicle]

* Meanwhile, employers are desperate for immigrant work options as full employment and labor shortages collide. So, obviously, the next election is going to turn on “blood poisoning.” [Bloomberg Law News]

* Trial over NRA finances moves forward as NYAG believes she has smoking gun. [Reuters]

* NY bans lawyers from practicing without an office in the state. WeWork definitely missed its moment. [Brooklyn Daily Eagle]

* John Oates has moved on from partnership with Daryl Hall amid legal tussle. [People]

* Trump wins right to appear on Michigan ballot. [CNN]

* Judge took 5-year-old away from his mother to build the child’s “stress muscles” by depriving him of his primary caregiver. [Daily Montanan]

* Bar looks to snatch Marilyn Mosby’s law license. [CBS]

* Every Grand Canyon University ad seemed a little off. The FTC appears to agree. [Reuters]

* Court stops the clock on Apple Watch import ban. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Lawyer in trouble for having holiday spirit. [Fox News]

* In-house looks to cut budgets again. [Corporate Counsel]

* Ninth Circuit says former congressman convicted for taking illegal cash shouldn’t have been tried where he got his bribe, but could be tried again where he lied about the bribe. [Reuters]

* Cryptocurrency creates boom market for lawyers… in bankruptcy. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Apple Watch imports halt as White House declines to veto international ban. [Law360]

* There’s a math theorem in the making that whatever the severity of an existing allegation against Donald Trump, a more severe allegation exists. [CNN]

* Paul Weiss office move becomes the biggest real estate transaction in the country this year. [Law360]

* Many demand that Clarence Thomas recuse himself from January 6 cases which will never happen because it presumes a modicum of ethics. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Deals hit 10-year low in 2023, but conditions are on the upswing. [Reuters]

* AI doesn’t require new agencies, the existing ones are just fine. True… but what happens when the Supreme Court overturns Chevron and guts those agencies? [WSJ]

* Perhaps Ed Blum’s Bigot Brigade is done messing with law firms. [American Lawyer]

* Former Gibson attorney sentenced to 2 months for insider trading. Shoulda taught not leaving a paper trail in school. [Law360]

* It’s possible that team Trump isn’t sending their best. Or they are… which is more sad. [Politico]

* Best holiday decorations in UK Biglaw. Anyone want to start that contest over here? Let us know. [LegalCheek]

* SEC reworking rule after lawless federal judges blew up regulation and no one said “Fifth Circuit” but you all knew it was Fifth Circuit didn’t you? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Supreme Court poised to explain how the smartest slaveholders in history understood ozone pollution and knew it was no biggie. [Reuters]

* More litigation against AI for learning from published works. [New York Law Journal]

* Crime rate is lowest in like forever… and yet. [NBC News]

* Colorado Supreme Court kicks Trump off the ballot, which was inevitable since the trial court opinion had turned on the “the presidency is the only government office that is not held by an officer” argument. So now the U.S. Supreme Court is going to concoct some legal gibberish to make that fly… but John Roberts is a font of gibberish so this should work out for Trump. [Guardian]

* AI cannot secure patents for its inventions in the UK. [Law360]

* WilmerHale probing the wild weekend where OpenAI bounced Sam Altman and then… didn’t. [Bloomberg Law News]

* More states jump on new bar exam. [Reuters]

* New Mexico will bring back public court records after litigation between New Mexico and CNS. [Courthouse News Service]

* John Roberts doesn’t need billionaire handouts to be the richest justice. [Forbes]

* Greg Abbott prepares to squander Texas taxpayer dollars on supremacy clause fight. [AP]

* Insurers jumping into the litigation finance game. [Bloomberg Law News]

* The final law school class admitted before the Supreme Court struck down affirmative action is most diverse ever. [Reuters]

* Every Norton Rose has its thorn. [American Lawyer]

* Remember when Rudy Giuliani responded to his defamation case by defaming the same people again? Well, they also understand how to do the same thing twice. [Law360]

* After a successful pilot program, firm makes reduced pay for reduced hours option permanent. [LegalCheek]

* Most lawyers don’t brag about getting sanctioned, but Alina Habba isn’t most lawyers. [RawStory]

* Regulators reject fake money company’s offer to new fake money regulations. [Law360]

* Looking back at a year of layoffs. [American Lawyer]

* Law.com puts out its “go-to” law schools ranking for non-Biglaw career paths. [Law.com]

* Southwest Airlines shells out over its catastrophic holiday collapse. [Reuters]

* Lengthy profile of a legal typographer’s battle against AI run amok. [Bloomberg Law News]