At this point, most of our readers have probably heard about the Boalt Hall students facing serious legal problems after allegedly beheading an exotic bird in a Las Vegas hotel. We’ve covered the developing story extensively this week, along with various personal anecdotes about Eric Cuellar and Justin Teixeira’s backgrounds.
One major gap in this crazily unique story, however, is: who was the third man suspected in the crime? Was it another student? A ghost? Or was it, gasp, as our Comment of the Week winner supposes, a well-known Boalt Hall professor…
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Congratulations to Ateaist, for bringing in some incisive political (and geographically appropriate) humor to this otherwise rather serious and bizarre situation:
It is now believed that the third man was John Yoo. Professor Yoo is currently at an undisclosed location, researching and drafting a memorandum on why tearing the head off an animal does not constitute “willful and malicious torture and killing of an animal” under Nevada law.
Can you imagine Professor Yoo, locked in a dark basement somewhere in the Berkeley hills (despite the fact that no one in Berkeley has a basement), slamming out his new manifesto on old typewriter in a drunken late-night mania? Me neither.
In any case, Ateaist, please send us your contact info via email and we’ll send an Above the Law t-shirt your way. Wear it proudly and wear it often! Unless you’re going to be committing felonies on camera, in which case, not so much.
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Earlier: The Accused Berkeley Bird Beheaders: The Arrest Report, The Dean’s Reaction, and More