Advice For The Hesitant Woman Writer (Part I)
The majority of what the public reads is being written by white men; this is problematic because it deprives the readers of diverse perspectives.
Jeena Cho
I’d like to make a public plea to all women. Please share your voice, your experiences, and your opinions. I often meet women who tell me they’d love to write if only they had something to say. These types of limiting self beliefs are depriving the world of your perspective, your value — your STORY!
It’s shameful that in 2016, the majority of popular media is still mostly written by men. For example, only 22% of bylines in the New York Times are by women.
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We need to increase the range of voices and quality of ideas we hear in the world. With technology like Medium, it’s easier now than ever to add your voice to the conversation.
Starting Where You Are
Last month, I was at a women lawyers’ luncheon. A woman came up to me and asked, “Are you the Anxious Lawyer?” Whenever this happens, I always feel embarrassed and flattered. I love knowing there’s a growing audience and it’s such an honor to connect with you — the readers — via emails, Twitter, and in person.
She asked me a question that I get asked frequently: “How did you go about writing the book?” I’ve learned that this question is usually loaded with a lot of underlying beliefs and fears so I asked her a question: “Are you thinking about writing a book?” I could see the shadow washing over her face as the self-doubt takes over and she responded, “I’d love to but I’m afraid.”
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I’ve found that many women fear being seen and heard. Perhaps you’re in this camp. You have a burning desire to express yourself but your inner critic is insistent on keeping you small, keeping you safe.
Most of my life, I’ve been a closeted writer. I have dozens of handwritten journals full of writing, but writing was a private affair. I’d admire people like Kelly Erb (aka Taxgirl) from afar, and criticize my own terrible writing while comparing it to her funny, sometimes snarky, concise, and interesting writing. Seriously, it takes skills to make tax interesting and relevant.
My advice? Start where you are.
Don’t Compare Your Chapter 1 to Someone Else’s Chapter 20!
When I meet women who wants to write, they often compare themselves to other more established writers. If your hesitancy for sharing your writing is because you are not [fill in your favorite author’s name] and your writing isn’t as good as hers, remember, she too had to start from Chapter 1 at some point. So, go ahead and start where you are. Give yourself the permission to write what Anne Lamott calls the “shitty first draft.” You don’t have to share it, publish it, or do anything else with it. Just focus on putting words on paper and write that thing which wants to be expressed.
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One of my coaching clients shared, “You have the mindfulness thing. I have nothing to write about.” But you see, I didn’t always write about mindfulness. I wrote about marriage, on choosing not to have kids, and shared my mom’s Kimchi recipe at first.
My Writing Journey
I first started blogging back in 2009 for our firm website. I found writing about debt, money, and personal finances to be really enjoyable. It was great when a client reached out to me to schedule a consultation after reading my blog posts.
Then I started a personal blog entitled Scripting Happiness. It was just random musings, and sort of an online diary. I had just gotten married and there were a lot of thoughts, feelings, and experiences I wanted to sort out, and it felt good to have a small community of women to share it with.
A couple of years later, I got a contract to update a two-volume LexisNexis book, How to Manage Your Law Office. In 2014, I signed a contract with the ABA to publish my upcoming book The Anxious Lawyer (affiliate link). That same year, I got a monthly column over at Ms. JD. By the way, I highly recommend writing for them!
Last year, I very hesitantly and reluctantly emailed Arianna Huffington to ask if I could write for her. Not only did she respond and say “yes,” she also graciously introduced me to her book editor. A couple of months later, David Lat said “yes” to this column you’re reading.
So, you see, it’s a journey and life rewards those who show up and try.
How to Work With Fear
Like all writers, I struggled with self-doubt, fear, and the super annoying inner critic. When it comes to writing — especially the kind of writing where you have to be vulnerable, honest, and bare what’s in your heart — fear wants to take over and sit in the driver seat.
Elizabeth Gilbert shares this advice in her new book, Big Magic (affiliate link) on working with fear:
Here’s how I’ve learned to deal with my fear: I made a decision a long time ago that if I want creativity in my life–and I do–then I will have to make space for fear, too.
Plenty of space.
I decided that I would need to build an expansive enough interior life that my fear and my creativity could peacefully coexist, since it appeared that they would always be together.
I write not because it’s easy. I write despite the fact that it’s hard. I write despite the inner critic screeching “don’t you dare write that!”
Why Your Voice Matters
Which brings me to the reason for this post — why I’m encouraging YOU, yes, you to write. According to The Op Ed Project, an organization that teaches women to write and contribute to op-ed columns, women’s voices are severely underrepresented in popular media. Writing is a way to share not only your own personal views but also to shape public discourse. The majority of what the public reads is being written by white men; this is problematic because it deprives the readers of diverse perspectives.
Finally, not expressing your views deprives others an opportunity to build empathy. Many years ago, I had a surgery for a rare brain condition. I shared my experience, the surgery, and the recovery on a message board. Many people wrote to thank me because it helped them to feel less isolated.
So, I’ll leave you with this question from Elizabeth Gilbert “Do you have the courage to bring forth the the treasures that are hidden within you?”
P.S. I’ll share advice from women writers on how to get started in my next post. Stay tuned!
Jeena Cho is the author of the upcoming American Bar Association book, The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Happier, Saner Law Practice Using Meditation (affiliate link). She offers training programs and coaching on stress management, work/life balance, and creating a sustainable law practice using mindfulness. She’s the host of the Resilient Lawyer podcast. She practices bankruptcy law with her husband in San Francisco, CA. Connect via Twitter @jeena_cho or email [email protected].
