Media and Journalism

Advice For The Hesitant Woman Writer (Part II)

If you share your opinion and find your own voice, you’re inevitably going to ruffle some feathers. How can you handle it?

By Jeena Cho on February 01, 2016 2:16 pm
Jeena Cho

Jeena Cho

If you’ve missed Part I of this article, you can read it here.

In my previous post, I discussed why it’s important for women to add their voices to the conversation. The short answer is: because it’s 2016 and it’s shameful that there aren’t more women writers.

In this post, I will share some wisdom from two women writers I really admire, one of whom is Carolyn Elefant over at My Shingle. (Carolyn also used to write for Above the Law.) My Shingle is truly the go-to destination for anyone who is considering going solo as well as for those already in solo practice. She also offers a wealth of knowledge and wisdom for how to be a good lawyer.

The second writer I interviewed for this post is Jennifer Romig. She blogs over at Listen Like a Lawyer. The blog focuses on a critical skill that most of us aren’t very good at — the art of listening. She covers topics such as deposition-taking skills, and why it’s so hard to be understood.

Both are excellent blogs and I highly recommend them!

Dealing With the Inner Critic

This is perhaps one of the most common reason for why we don’t share our voices — that nagging voice inside of your head that says, “Who do you think you are?” What’s interesting is that this voice isn’t unique to you. Every writer struggles with this. Knowing this will hopefully give you some comfort.

I have found that over time, I have gotten better about taming the inner critic. She never disappears, but she’s no longer in the driver’s seat. Romig shares the following advice for working with the inner critic:
When writers get started, their inner critic is also a beginner at being an “inner writing critic.” The inner critic may have two problems at that point: paralyzing the writer with too much criticism, and being wrong about what’s actually bad.
Getting feedback from others about your work is also helpful but be mindful about whose advice you seek (and listen to). Romig selectively sought out advice from writers she respects.
When I planned out the launch of Listen Like a Lawyer, a successful and busy legal blogger was kind enough to read a few of my initial draft posts. He gave me some great advice I’ve kept in mind ever since. That was one of the nicest and kindest things anyone could do for a writer.

How to Deal With Negative Feedback, Trolls, and the Haters

What I have learned is that if you share your opinion and find your own voice, you’re inevitably going to ruffle some feathers. People are going to disagree with you. People will say things that will hurt your feelings. That’s just part of the deal. However, the thing that I have found to be incredibly helpful is this sage advice from Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead (affiliate link): “…we seek out feedback not because it tells us about our own value or merit, but because it tells us whether we are reaching the people we need to reach in the way we want to.”

In other words, feedback doesn’t say anything about you — as a person. It only gives you information about the reader!

Carolyn Elefant gave a helpful example on ways to deal with (and grow from) feedback and criticism.
I appreciate negative feedback and criticism if well-founded because it forces me to rethink my arguments and make them stronger. One early blogger, David Giacalone, often took me to task for my overly enthusiastic views of solo practice and sometimes illogical reasoning which forced me to become more rigorous even though I did not necessarily change my views. But David never lobbed ad-hominem attacks and we actually became internet friends. I long for this kind of intelligent discourse in the blogosphere but I think you know that it’s very rare.
As for when you should engage or disengage with trolls and haters? Well, that requires some wisdom. Elefant shared:
I have no problem going to bat against someone who criticizes me in a rude way — but I limit myself to two rounds and then I quit. I personally believe that it is important to respond to bonafide criticism even if couched in nastiness and frankly, I lose respect for bloggers who don’t at least attempt to engage their critics. However, some trolls and haters are truly crackpots. The ones who make racial slurs or derogatory comments about appearance — those I will ignore just as I would a drunk or mentally-ill person who might make a nasty remark to me on the street.

Just Do It! Start Writing TODAY!

When I asked Elefant what advice she had to offer to the hesitant writer, she shared: “I am not sure what advice I could give to a woman other than to do it (which is about as useful as telling someone who wants to lose weight to stop eating!)”

This is common sense advice but completely full of truism. Challenge yourself to develop a writing habit — every day. One practice that I have found to be useful is Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages. It’s really simple. Each morning, you write (using pen and paper) three pages. It’s an exercise in free-form writing. You just write whatever comes to mind, without editing.

Perhaps my favorite advice on writing comes from Stephen King. His book On Writing was my bible when I was struggling with The Anxious Lawyer manuscript (affiliate links). King writes, “If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered anyway.”

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, as Elefant suggests:
…it really doesn’t matter if what you have to say matters to anyone else —so long as it matters to you. At MyShingle, I blog about what matters to me. Sometimes, what matters to me doesn’t matter to anyone at all and sometimes it does. If you start trying to write about what you think matters to others, your writing will not be genuine. But if you write about what matters to you, your writing will be so authentic that it can’t help but make a difference for others.
So, my dear readers, go out there and write. Write about what matters to you! This might be gardening and lawyering, being blonde on a budget, law for creative entrepreneurs, legal design, or being a mom and a lawyer. And when you do, be sure to drop me an email [email protected] or let me know over on Twitter @jeena_cho.

Jeena Cho is the author of the upcoming American Bar Association book, The Anxious Lawyer: An 8-Week Guide to a Happier, Saner Law Practice Using Meditation (affiliate link). She offers coaching, and workshops on using mindfulness for cultivating a more balanced life, stress management, and sustainable law practice. She practices bankruptcy law with her husband in San Francisco, CA. Connect via Twitter @jeena_cho or email [email protected].