In-House Counsel

The Road Not Taken: The Scottish Play

Don't belittle your colleagues. Make them shine, and in turn, improve your workplace relationships.

By Celeste Harrison Forst on June 07, 2016 12:57 pm

iStock_000011259011Small

“Is this a dagger I see before me, the
 handle toward my hand?”

— Macbeth

I had an opportunity to talk about my colleagues to someone who matters this week. I could have played the political game, said something nice, followed by something indirectly disparaging, then finished my workplace sabotage by pointing out my unrivaled ability to do everything my colleagues do, but better. I could have kept my mouth shut about my colleagues and not said anything about them. I could have filled the space with foibles of my successes. But in this situation, I felt compelled and comfortable enough to articulate the ways I see my colleagues shine.

Some people would say the correct choice is always to highlight yourself. To be fair, they have a point. You can’t trust that anyone else will do your marketing for you. You are responsible for making sure those who need to know how great you are actually know how great you are. But on the great spectrum of workplace collegiality, from co-dependent adoration to deliberate betrayal, there is an acre where healthy workplace relationships thrive.

I’m very lucky and I know it. I have colleagues who are talented, hard-working, and trustworthy. They make it easy to say nice things about them. In my group, there hasn’t been a penalty for being generous with praise because when we praise each other, we mean it. That seems so obvious, doesn’t  it? If a colleague says something nice about you to someone in leadership, it’s entirely possible and even true that they mean it and aren’t trying to undermine you. Unfortunately, for many of us, a compliment from a colleague is as ominous as King Duncan’s horses breaking free of their stalls and devouring each other.

One of the most destructive ways colleagues can interact is through an insincere guise of compliments and mutual support. The vulnerability one shows to a colleague when figuring out a solution to a problem becomes ammunition for the sniper who uses it to say to management, “Oh, Lauren? She’s wonderful, love her. Of course, she’s still has a lot to learn, but she’ll get there. She’s great.” In a few months, Lauren, a seasoned professional, may not understand why her review includes notes about needing additional training to really “take ownership” over her position.

In my group, only compliments are acceptable. If one of us tried to weaken another through passive-aggressive derision, whoever the audience is would independently put a stop to the attack. This isn’t only because we are good, loving, strong people (although my colleagues are), it is also self-serving for all of us. It is wonderful working at a place where you can give and receive compliments without worrying about ulterior motives. Because we can give compliments to each other, we do. Because we give compliments to each other, we see each other’s strengths. Because we see each other’s strengths, we appreciate each other more. And because we appreciate each other more, our work becomes easier.  We cooperate and collaborate well, and the times when we have to pull together make us stronger.

When I got to tell someone who matters about the individual strengths of many of my colleagues, I got something out of it as well. I got to remind myself of the wonderful people I work with and the type of colleague, employee, and lawyer I want to be; it wasn’t a wholly altruistic act.  I may not have marketed myself at that moment, but I marketed to myself and it made my job the following day a little more enjoyable. Sometimes we get ahead when we leave our daggers in their sheaths and keep our hands clean.      

Celeste Harrison Forst has practiced in small and mid-sized firms and is now in-house at a large manufacturing and technology company where she receives daily hugs from her colleagues. You can reach Celeste directly at [email protected].