Ed. note: This is a special holiday post. Evan will be back next week with a substantive labor and employment law topic.
‘Twas the Night of the Filing
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the firm,
Only two lawyers were stirring, and beginning to squirm.
A fortnight afore plaintiffs had filed with great care,
In hopes that the judges to them would be fair.
These lawyers weren’t nestled all snug in their beds,
They were wringing their hands to quell their own dreads.
With partner in his trousers, and I in my slacks,
We desperately wanted this response off our backs.
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When out in the lobby arose such a clatter,
I ran from my office to see what’s the matter.
I knocked over my coffee in my mad dash,
And down on my carpet it made a great splash.
The lights in the lobby were dimmed so low,
The polished marble almost looked like fresh snow.
Then to my wondering eyes did appear,
A sleigh out the window being pulled by reindeer.
But the little old partner, so lively and quick,
Approached from behind and gave me a kick.
Fast like a snake the partner he came,
And scared me to death when he hissed out my name.
“Now, Evan! No partners, no counsel, no staff, and no clerks!
Not working this night is one of their perks.
Back to your office, back to our brief,
Until midnight we have to file this great sheaf!”
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Back at my desk a faint chime was then heard,
I thought, “The elevator,” but that’s just absurd.
As I went back to typing and researching the law,
Into my office leapt Santa with booming guffaw.
His eyes did twinkle and sparkle with glee,
And I thought, “Why’s he wasting his time here with me?”
“I have no cookies or milk for you to partake,
So what brings you here for heaven’s sake?”
“Before the North Pole an attorney was I,
Briefing and arguing in my necktie.
But an inkling I had and a calling I felt,
So I traded my suit for this great black belt.
And now this Christmas I deliver to you,
A brief all typed and booked with the blue.
The cites are persuasive, the arguments sound,
Now file this I tell you, file this right now!”
He then sprang from my office and left with great haste,
And I heard him whistle and away his sleigh raced.
Into Pacer I logged as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas you lawyers, and to you a good night!”
Evan Gibbs is an attorney at Troutman Sanders, where he primarily litigates employment cases and handles traditional labor matters. Connect with him on LinkedIn here, or e-mail him here. (The views expressed in this column are his own.)