Small Law Firms

Toxic Waste: How To Avoid Getting Sidetracked By Difficult People

Always remember that life is too short to get emotionally tied up in a matter involving a bully.

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If your legal career has lasted a total of 50 seconds or longer, there’s a 300 percent chance that you have encountered at least a loose handful of difficult people in your practice of law. I think that some of it is strategic — who hasn’t felt compelled to settle a case just to avoid any future interactions with an insufferable opposing party or counsel? But I also think there are just some people out there who just never learned to play nice on the kickball field. And, to the surprise of no one, people with these toxic personalities seem to routinely become embroiled in legal disputes. In our profession, they are as avoidable as bar association dues and office chit-chat about weekend plans.

In the meantime, I’ve noticed an increase in aggressive behavior among those involved in matters I’m trying to resolve. Bullying at the negotiating table has apparently become the new black. (It’s almost as if we have some sort of national figurehead modeling appalling, childish behavior to a pliable audience made out of rage clay.) To me, this is an alarming trend for attorneys, because I don’t think even the working hours and billable requirements of practicing law are nearly as grating on the soul as having to deal with a grab bag of petty tyrants day after day.

By at this point in my fabled career, jerks are more exhausting than intimidating. I’m more likely to cower in fear at a strong legal argument from an articulate writer. But dealing with a toxic personality is always going to be irritating, and can sidetrack an otherwise productive day.

Fortunately, I have some battle-tested tips for managing the presidential wannabes in the practice of law:

• Set the ground rules: Bullies often come charging in with a list of demands and impossible deadlines. In most instances, you don’t have to comply with what they insist upon. In a situation like that, I acknowledge the communication and let them know that a response may be provided. Consider something like this: “Thank you for your email. I’ve forwarded it to the client for discussion. A response will be forthcoming if appropriate.”

• Get it in writing: Bullies like to disrupt your day by showing up in person or trying to engage on the phone. I let people with difficult personalities know that I only will deal with them in writing. That way they can’t twist my words and I have a record of what was communicated. Make sure your staff knows that you will not be meeting with them or taking their calls.

• Be the sole point of contact: I notice that difficult people tend to spread their communications among different parties so everyone is left a little in the dark, and then can be played against each other. Make sure your client and anyone associated with your client knows that any communication with a difficult person should go through you.

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• Keep it professional: Toxic personalities like to make things personal. They want to drag you down into the mud with them. But don’t wrestle with the pig. Keep the focus on the dispute and moving forward toward resolution. Address people formally as if you are on a marble pedestal above the fray looking down while shaking your head with dismay about the sad state of the world.

• Be the “Disappointed Teacher”: On a related note, it sometimes helps to think of a jerk as a petulant child who just doesn’t know any better. So it can be helpful to adopt the persona of what I think of as a “Disappointed Teacher”: “Timmy, I know you are frustrated and I might not be your favorite person right now, but let’s try working together to see if we can make this situation better for everyone.”

• Keep it short and sweet: No amount of impressive analysis or factual recitation is going to convince someone who is not open to convincing. And the more you give them, the more they are going to have to try to drag you into an unproductive argument in which they try to use your words against you. Don’t provide ammo.

• Gather evidence: Decision makers will label you and your client as the good guys or the bad guys when framing your case in their heads. Decision makers are inclined to resolve things so the good guys win. Written communications — especially emails — will likely come up as primary factual support in the future, so responding nicely to nasty emails and letters is a good way to get on the “good guy” track. Staying polite also helps emotionally distance you from a personal attack.

• All in a day’s work: One way I deal with difficult people is to remember that I am being paid to handle them for my clients. I like my clients and I don’t want them to deal with jerks. So by dealing with them myself, I’m basically a super hero whose weapons are a dual monitor, a Westlaw password, and an Outlook account.

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• Team up: Bullies like to target individuals, because for them things are personal. It may help to have a group of lawyers in your office take turns communicating with the difficult person, as this makes it more difficult to single out someone for attacks. Just make sure everyone is well-apprised of the case facts and status.

• Productively procrastinate: Jerks like to steal all of your time and attention. Often if I start the day engaging with a toxic personality, I end up drawn away from more meaningful work, as they are likely to continue emailing or calling once I reach out. So often I will wait to respond until later in the day, or send my response right before heading out.

My final word of advice is to remember that life is too short to get emotionally tied up in a matter involving a bully. Worst-case scenario, refer the case to another attorney — but be up front about the situation. Sometimes stepping down may even be beneficial for the client if the focus has moved to a conflict between attorneys rather than the subject matter of the dispute. But often the best solution for dealing with a bully is a deep breath, a healthy eye roll, and a polite email thanking them for their correspondence, which probably includes at least one reference to your incompetence.

Allison Peryea is a shareholder attorney at Leahy Fjelstad Peryea, a boutique law firm in downtown Seattle that primarily serves community association clients. Her practice focuses on covenant enforcement and dispute resolution. She is a longtime humor writer with a background in journalism and cat ownership. You can reach her by email at Allison.Peryea@leahyps.com.

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