Government

Kraken Lawyers Demand Judge Post Video Of Sanctions Hearing So We'll All Quit Laughing At Them

WUT?

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The Kraken lawyers have done it again. They’ve actually topped their own batshit last act with something even more spectacularly insane. You gotta hand it to ’em!

When last we left our heroes, they had just emerged from a sanctions hearing with US District Judge Linda Parker who was furious about having her docket spammed with garbage affidavits by lawyers who appeared to have conducted exactly zero due diligence to determine their veracity.

As someone who tuned in for the entire proceeding, I can testify that it went horribly for Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Howard Kleinhendler, Stefanie Lambert Juntilla, and Julia Haller. It was six straight hours of the court holding up a facially nonsensical piece of “evidence” submitted by Team Kraken and asking “which of you legal eagles looked at this rancid excreta and decided it would be a good idea to bring it into my courtroom?” Followed by an awkward silence and then shouting, rinse and repeat. More or less.

There’s a reason that my writeup in these pages described it as a “Screaming Shitshow Debacle.” And that reason is that it was, without a doubt, a screaming shitshow debacle of epic proportions.

And yet! The Kraken brain trust is convinced that it would be in their best interests if even more people got to witness their humiliation, so last night they filed an emergency motion asking Judge Parker to put the video online, in direct contravention of the Local Rule and her own order to the contrary.

“Most outlets presented a narrative that counsel for plaintiffs believe to be incorrect,” Donald Campbell wrote for his attorney clients. “Those characterizations may change if the Court republishes the video and allows others to view it.”

Spoiler Alert: They will not change, but there will be great laughter in the land. And probably an MPRE issue spotter, as the parties seem to have anticipated, arguing that the case is of general public interest as it will adjudicate their interesting claim that an attorney has a First Amendment right to say literally any crazy thing while zealously representing a client.

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The timing of this motion may or may not relate to Lin Wood’s decision to republish a clip of the hearing posted on Telegram by one of his Qanon followers, accompanied by copy likening the proceedings to “Venezuela or Communist China.”

Naturally, a show cause motion demanding further sanctions for violating the court’s order was filed immediately by one of the opposing parties. And Lin Wood may have a decent First Amendment argument that he’s entitled to run his fool mouth, but no one would describe this as a “wise move” for a lawyer facing sanctions from a pissed off federal judge.

But Campbell’s motion barely mentioned Wood’s gaffe, concentrating instead on the right to correct the public misconception that the hearing was an unmitigated disaster for his clients.

“There was a lot of ‘spirit’ in the hearing in this court, which the public should be able to experience in its entirety — enabling citizens to draw their own inferences from the presentations instead of depending on media presentations,” he insisted, adding that letting the lawyers rewatch their nightmare might “help their preparation of supplemental briefs.”

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But her Honor was unmoved, denying the request the same day in a terse order noting that, in the pre-covid days, the media would have had precious little access to the proceedings at all.

As counsel notes in the motion, more than 13,000 people watched live, “viewing the proceedings just as they were conducted.” (ECF No. 152 at Pg ID 5287.) As to counsel’s suggestion that the video is needed to prepare a supplement brief, attorneys routinely prepare such briefs following a hearing without video or audio recordings of the proceedings and often without a transcript.

No video for you! So, you’ll just have to take my word for it. It was bonkers. And whatever comes next will probably be worse.

King v. Whitmer, Docket [Court Listener]

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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