Government

Pillow Dude Seeks State Attorney General For Hot SCOTUS Action

Ewwww, swipe left!

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Either the Pillow Fluffer is casting for the world’s most niche MyPorno, or he’s seeking a state attorney general crazy enough to be his plus one for an obscene act on the steps of the Supreme Court.

“Those states are the plaintiffs when we bring this to the Supreme Court,” he shouted in indignant retort to the haters who noted that his confident prediction that the SCOTUS would return Trump to the White House on August 13 had failed to come to pass.

“Nothing has changed, everybody! Everybody is emailing me going ‘Mike, you said August,” he said, affecting the whine of the rubes who actually took him at his word when he promised a triumphant return of the Dear Leader last month. “I said I was hoping it was August. But these, uh, you know — this is not my timing.”

Or it might have something to do with the fact that the evidence he promised would “prove” that the election was hacked was described by his own cyber “experts” as a “turd.” Although Lindell was undeterred, chalking the setback up to Antifa.

“Nothing has changed other than we’re off by some months here because we have to get the attorney generals in,” he continued this morning. “We have the case ready to go to the Supreme Court, we just have to get the attorney generals on as the plaintiffs and tack ’em on to the lawsuit, and we’ll bring it to the Supreme Court.”

UH HUH.

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Let’s assume that this is not something Mike Lindell picked up from the transmitter in his fillings, but is a regurgitation of information an IRL lawyer told him. (Probably a bankruptcy attorney from Flagstaff or Sheboygan, or possibly Krypton.)

Presumably he’s talking about the Supreme Court’s original jurisdiction when one state sues another. Indeed Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton did file an original SCOTUS claim against Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Georgia back in December asking the judge to toss electoral votes from those swing states before the January 6 certification. And even though the case was ridiculous, 106 Republican House members and 17 Republican state AGs signed on to it.

But that still left them nine justices short — well, seven who dropkicked the thing for lack of standing, plus Alito and Thomas, who said they thought the Court’s jurisdiction was non-discretionary, but wouldn’t have voided the election as the plaintiffs requested.

Perhaps there is a state attorney general craven enough to get down in the mud with Lindell, although it’s been a month since his South Dakota cyber hootenanny debacle and if there was an AG willing to put his or her name on whatever batcrap filing Team Pillow cooked up, presumably Lindell would have done it already. But if SCOTUS wasn’t going to play that game before the election was certified, it seems pretty unlikely that they’ll be raring to go eight months after the inauguration.

And not for nothing, but for all his troubles, Ken Paxton is the IRL Attorney General of a state. He’s not some pillow pumping weirdo who goes on Steve Bannon’s show for public therapy sessions multiple times a week and sees Antifa lurking behind every bush.

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Guess we’ll have to wait and see if there’s an AG willing to make a Pillow porno. These guys do get off on the weirdest shit.

Elizabeth Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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