‘Legal Tech Lists’: 5 Things I Hate About Hosting Legal Tech Panels
It’s not all fun and games.
Editor’s note: This is an installment in the “Reference Manual of Legal Tech Lists Vol. II,” an eBook set for release this summer.
In our continuing effort to explore the various nooks & crannies of the legaltech world, we’ve now taken up list creation by category.
Each entry of our brand-new Reference Manual of Legal Tech Lists will explore a new category lurking in the dark recesses of legaltech – you know, the kind that are buried deep down, of the sort you don’t talk about at parties.
For this segment of our series, we’ll explore the five worst things about hosting legal tech panels:
No. 1: Consensus Building
You know, lawyers and legal-adjacent professionals are pretty smart people. They’re doing all kinds of impressive stuff building technologies and advising businesses and individuals.
And yet … try to get them together on creating an agenda for a presentation, and it’s like herding feral cats.
This person is ignoring your emails. This other person wants to talk about something that’s not even related to the subject.
That person wants to try some new visual format (cat filters for all presenters), which you have to pretend to like, before rejecting out of hand.
That other person is like, “What if the whole program is an analogy for time travel?” And then, I slam my head against the laptop, and say: “All right. I’ll just draft something. Are you happy now?”
No. 2: Tech Glitches
It’s pretty much a corollary of Murphy’s Law that, if you’re gonna do a web-based technology panel, some tech glitch that didn’t come up in the run-through is going to absolutely happen when you go live.
And if you’re the moderator, you’ve just gotta work through it.
Like: “Uh oh, Chuck’s video isn’t working. But, let me assure you, you don’t need to see him sitting in his kitchen. Just listen to the dulcet tones of his voice describing some tech process I don’t understand, while we work through this issue.”
Or: “It looks like Maria’s internet just crashed, so now would be a good time for me to play some pan flute. Enjoy, because Zamfir’s got nothing on me.”
Yeah, you should learn the pan flute.
No. 3: Dumbassery
No, I’m not sure it’s a word — because I’m a dumbass. You see, here’s the thing about hosting legal tech panels: You’re probably getting picked to do it because you’re personable and non-offensive. It ain’t because you’ve figured out nuclear fission.
So, when you get on for the show, the best course of action is just to nod, smile and look pretty. When it comes time for you to ask the inevitable question about how AI works, don’t try to contribute to the conversation about “large language models,” if your largest language model is simply the alphabet.
Tell a joke, make the segue and recede into the bushes, like Homer Simpson.
No. 4: Pontificating Attendees
Perhaps the only thing worse than pontificating panelists and moderators are attendees who feel as if they should snag just a tiny bit of the spotlight, while also getting their CLE credit, and sipping a moderate amount of Sprite, as they shift back and forth at their standing desks.
Because everyone really wants to hear what you have to say, Chip! Just kidding: That’s not true, and you’re making everyone’s day worse.
If you feel yourself breaking into a 4-minute soliloquy on an item the panelists will undoubtedly bring up and cover in the next 5 minutes, maybe settle yourself, and ask a normal question instead. You can do it. I believe in you like Santa Claus at the end of “Elf.”
No. 5: Showering
One of the best things about the pandemic era was that knowledge workers didn’t have to go into the office anymore, and, even now, most knowledge workers don’t work full weeks in the office anymore.
Of course, when you were working in an office, you had to address the basic elements of human hygiene: like showering every day.
So, if you smell a faint wafting of moldy bologna and feet, it may actually be you, because you haven’t showered in three days.
But if you’re hosting a web conference, you need to get your hair unmatted and your teeth brushed. It kind of sucks, honestly.
But until you can deepfake yourself, you’ve gotta wash yourself. So grab the sponge on the stick, and get to it.
Jared Correia, a consultant and legal technology expert, is the host of the Non-Eventcast, the featured podcast of the Above the Law Non-Event for Tech-Perplexed Lawyers.
