Non-Sequiturs

Non-Sequiturs: 06.23.17

* An off-duty African-American police officer responded to gunfire heard from his apartment by grabbing his service weapon and heading out to assist his fellow officers. How do you think this blurb is going to end? If you answered "I don't have enough facts yet to know the outcome," you are an idiot or a child. If you answered "the white officers shot him," you are right, of course. If you answered, "the white officers detained him, realized their mistake, released him, and then a late arriving officer shot him, and the police lied about it for a day until a newspaper reported out the story," then you somehow knew that this went down in St. Louis. [New York Daily News] * The Fifth Circuit lifted a ban on a bill that will allow Mississippi to discriminate against the gay community. Story time: I saw this story in Morning Docket, and just now tried to Google it for comment in this column. I couldn't remember the exact details, so I just typed in "Mississippi gay bashing bill." Couldn't find what I was looking for. I thought a little and then tried "Mississippi religious freedom law," boom, Google gave me all the links. Here's the thing: I refuse to use the language of the oppressors. This bill is not about religious freedom, it's about gay bashing. I'm going to call it as such, I'm going to tag it as such, and I hope others will join me in reserving "religious freedom" for worshipers while telling bigots exactly what they are. [USA Today] * Undercover police officer handcuffs three teenagers on the National Mall for... selling water without a permit. The kids were black, of course. At this point, I'm pretty sure a police officer could be dying of thirst and I could have an entire river sloshing around in my backpack and I wouldn't tip it out so that the officer could lick the water off of my foot. BECAUSE IF I REACHED FOR THE WATER THE DESICCATED OFFICER WOULD STILL SHOOT ME AND SAY HE THOUGHT I WAS GOING FOR A GUN. [U.S. News] * Recipients of the prestigious Rangel and Pickering fellowships, aimed at helping minority applicants get started at the State Department, have been told by Trump's State Department that only temporary, non-career positions are available to them this year. I think I'm okay with that, insofar as I don't want any foreigner thinking that non-white Americans have a lot to do with this embarrassment of a country. We just work here. [Independent] * I've got to do some plugs in a second, so my editorial sense tells me I should link to something funny to lighten the mood. Here's a story about a world-famous comedian who will be touring America, town-hall style, to raise awareness about sexual assault. [NPR] * Join David Lat for a happy hour -- and Supreme Court talk -- in Minneapolis on Monday. [Federalist Society Events] * I was on the Brian Lehrer Show again, this time with Kai Wright, and I broke down like seven Supreme Court cases in half an hour, including basically wetting myself when they let me lead with REAL PROPERTY in the form of the Murr v. Wisconsin decision. [Brian Lehrer Show] * Time to check in with the Alt-Right. Breitbart has an explosive report claiming that Trump officials are quietly instructing schools to call boys and girls the pronouns of their choice. "Education Officials Quietly Push Transgender Ideology Onto Schools." It's their second most commented on story, behind a Nancy Pelosi hit job. "The deplorables didn't vote for this LGBTQLMFAO nonsense. Trump wasn't elected to continue ovomits LGBTQLMFAO PCBS legacy, Trump was elected to End it." Calling schoolchildren something that makes them feel comfortable and accepted = "Ovomits LGBTQLMFAO PCBS legacy." I will never give in to these people, and I don't care how many pollsters, spinsters, or allies tell me I have to in order to "win". [Breitbart]

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* An off-duty African-American police officer responded to gunfire heard from his apartment by grabbing his service weapon and heading out to assist his fellow officers. How do you think this blurb is going to end? If you answered “I don’t have enough facts yet to know the outcome,” you are an idiot or a child. If you answered “the white officers shot him,” you are right, of course. If you answered, “the white officers detained him, realized their mistake, released him, and then a late arriving officer shot him, and the police lied about it for a day until a newspaper reported out the story,” then you somehow knew that this went down in St. Louis. [New York Daily News]

* The Fifth Circuit lifted a ban on a bill that will allow Mississippi to discriminate against the gay community. Story time: I saw this story in Morning Docket, and just now tried to Google it for comment in this column. I couldn’t remember the exact details, so I just typed in “Mississippi gay bashing bill.” Couldn’t find what I was looking for. I thought a little and then tried “Mississippi religious freedom law,” boom, Google gave me all the links. Here’s the thing: I refuse to use the language of the oppressors. This bill is not about religious freedom, it’s about gay bashing. I’m going to call it as such, I’m going to tag it as such, and I hope others will join me in reserving “religious freedom” for worshipers while telling bigots exactly what they are. [USA Today]

* Undercover police officer handcuffs three teenagers on the National Mall for… selling water without a permit. The kids were black, of course. At this point, I’m pretty sure a police officer could be dying of thirst and I could have an entire river sloshing around in my backpack and I wouldn’t tip it out so that the officer could lick the water off of my foot. BECAUSE IF I REACHED FOR THE WATER THE DESICCATED OFFICER WOULD STILL SHOOT ME AND SAY HE THOUGHT I WAS GOING FOR A GUN. [U.S. News]

* Recipients of the prestigious Rangel and Pickering fellowships, aimed at helping minority applicants get started at the State Department, have been told by Trump’s State Department that only temporary, non-career positions are available to them this year. I think I’m okay with that, insofar as I don’t want any foreigner thinking that non-white Americans have a lot to do with this embarrassment of a country. We just work here. [Independent]

* I’ve got to do some plugs in a second, so my editorial sense tells me I should link to something funny to lighten the mood. Here’s a story about a world-famous comedian who will be touring America, town-hall style, to raise awareness about sexual assault. [NPR]

* Join David Lat for a happy hour — and Supreme Court talk — in Minneapolis on Monday. [Federalist Society]

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* I was on the Brian Lehrer Show again, this time with Kai Wright, and I broke down like seven Supreme Court cases in half an hour, including basically wetting myself when they let me lead with REAL PROPERTY in the form of the Murr v. Wisconsin decision. [Brian Lehrer Show]

* Time to check in with the Alt-Right. Breitbart has an explosive report claiming that Trump officials are quietly instructing schools to call boys and girls the pronouns of their choice. “Education Officials Quietly Push Transgender Ideology Onto Schools.” It’s their second most commented on story, behind a Nancy Pelosi hit job. Says one commenter: “The deplorables didn’t vote for this LGBTQLMFAO nonsense. Trump wasn’t elected to continue ovomits LGBTQLMFAO PCBS legacy, Trump was elected to End it.” Calling schoolchildren something that makes them feel comfortable and accepted = “Ovomits LGBTQLMFAO PCBS legacy.” I will never give in to these people, and I don’t care how many pollsters, spinsters, or allies tell me I have to in order to “win”. [Breitbart]

Elie Mystal is an editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.

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