Crime

Michael Cohen May Have Tapes... Which Brings Us Into 'Galatically Stupid' Territory

Who does this? No lawyer does this. LAWYERS DON'T DO THIS!

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The Washington Post reports that President Trump’s associates are worried because Trump’s personal attorney, Michael Cohen, had “some proclivity to make tapes.” Apparently, Cohen would regularly tape conversations with his associates, and the Trump people don’t know who else he might have recorded.

I am aware of no words or curses in English, Elvish, or Orcish that adequately capture the drooling stupidity of a “lawyer” who makes voice recordings of conversations with his client. It’s simply not done. They don’t “teach” you not to do it in law school, just like they don’t teach you where to poop in high school. YOU ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO KNOW BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE.

Since I honestly don’t know what to say, here are just some random quotes from lawyers I know on Facebook who I told the news to while waiting for my coffee to brew:

• “O.M.F.G.”
• “THERE ARE NO DUMBER HUMAN BEINGS ON EARTH”
• “This reminds me of that Onion article about the guy who wrestled the crocodile.” [Ed note: That was a classic.]
• “Thank you for playing should we, or should we not, listen to the advice of the galatically stupid… MICHAEL COHEN.”

My own thoughts turned to this.

But the credited tweet is certainly this:

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https://twitter.com/_FleerUltra/status/984579633822740481

We don’t know if Cohen actually has tapes of the president, and if he does, we don’t know if such tapes would fall under the crime-fraud exception to attorney-client privilege. But it is worth remembering that Cohen was “like family” to Trump, and so even if he doesn’t have tapes on Trump himself, it’s entirely possible that he has tapes with Jared, Ivanka, Don Jr., or Eric. I am very much starting to think that at the end of this all, President Trump is going to have to make some kind of George R.R. Martin choice about which child he will sacrifice to jail in order to save himself.

But that’s just speculation. What we know right now is that Michael Cohen could not be doing a better job of bringing down the Trump administration if he was an Archangel sent by God to punish and torment the president.

Trump’s allies worry that federal investigators may have seized recordings made by his attorney [Washington Post]

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Elie Mystal is the Executive Editor of Above the Law and the Legal Editor for More Perfect. He can be reached @ElieNYC on Twitter, or at [email protected]. He will resist.

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