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Money Mindset

Lawyers are not known for being good with money.

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Lawyers are not known for being good with money.

For one thing, most lawyers are not entrepreneurial. Most of us work at law firms, non-profit, or government entities where compensation is fixed and increases on a regular schedule. Bonuses are usually consistent across an associate class, if they exist at all. So until you get to be a partner who brings in business, or are negotiating a lateral hire at a fairly high level, there’s very little negotiation or room for money-making decisions. This is especially true for women who are socialized not to negotiate and tend to forgo opportunities for raising their compensation that men seize one.

Secondly, lawyers are risk-averse. I’ve discussed this at length in this column before, but in short law school teaches you to always imagine the worst-case outcome and to prepare for it. That means you’re constantly catastrophizing what may go wrong – and when it comes to money, that usually means living in fear of not having enough or of losing what you have.

So in this three-part column series I want to teach you the most important ways to unf*ck your money mindset and stop leaving money on the table. Unf*cking your money mindset means removing the emotional drama from your relationship with money. It allows you to see it as a resource that you can always get more of if you are willing to do the work and deal with the emotional discomfort you might experience.

In this first installment in the series, we’re going to focus on the ways in which you are leaving money on the table.

The biggest money mindset mistake I see lawyers make – especially women lawyers – is leaving money on the table because they are not willing to be uncomfortable. This is a huge way in which we fail to see how we are costing ourselves money by avoiding managing our own minds.

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Let’s say, for instance, that you get a bonus, but it’s smaller than you expected – and smaller than other people at the firm got. (This can happen once you’re a partner, or even as an associate in smaller firms where compensation is not lockstep.) Say the range is $30,000 to $60,000, and you got $30,000 but you think given what you’ve created in revenue and business this year you deserve at least $45,000. You know there is an appeals process. But every time you think about appealing it, you start to feel really anxious. You are afraid that people will think you’re greedy, or that you don’t deserve it – and you’re afraid if it gets denied you’ll feel humiliated. So you let the appeal deadline lapse.

Here’s what just happened in this scenario: You paid $15,000 in order to not feel anxious and uncomfortable. You left $15,000 on the table so that you wouldn’t experience an uncomfortable conversation.

And really, anxiety is just a physical sensation in your body. It’s a rapid heart-rate, shallow breathing, sometimes a flushed face or chest or stomach upset. That’s all it is.

So you paid $15,000 to not feel anxious for a few hours. If I asked you whether you were willing to have a leg cramp for a few hours in order to get $15,000 afterwards, you’d probably say hell yes. I know I would. But you’re not willing to feel the equivalent of a leg cramp – the sensation of anxiety in your body – so you leave that money on the table.

Or think about bringing in business, which most lawyers will have to do eventually in their careers, especially if they want to make more money. Bringing in business involves networking and making offers. It’s sales in a different form. You have to meet people, and ask for their business.

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But what if you feel uncomfortable networking? What if you don’t like asking for people’s business? What if you’re worried people will think you’re pushy, or it will be awkward, or they will say no and you’ll feel rejected?

All of those are just feelings. They are just sensations in your body that you fear you will experience – anxiety, fear, shame. They are just different versions of that leg cramp I talked about earlier.

So imagine how much money you are leaving on the table if you avoid opportunities to network and make offers. Thousands of dollars? Tens of thousands? Hundreds of thousands? Even millions, over the course of your career? You’re essentially paying all that money just so you don’t feel physically uncomfortable for a few minutes or hours at a time.

So next time you have the opportunity to make more money – whether by negotiating your compensation, asking for someone’s business, or making an offer – and you are tempted to avoid it because you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself how much money you’re probably passing up. And ask yourself if you’d be willing to have a leg cramp or a headache for a few hours to make that much money. If so, you know what to do.

Kara Loewentheil, J.D., C.M.C., is a former litigator and academic who now runs a boutique life coaching practice, with a focus on high-achieving women who struggle with anxiety and insecurity. As a Certified Master Coach, Kara is intimately acquainted with the unique challenges high-achieving women face in their professional careers and personal lives. Kara teaches her clients cognitive-based techniques for dealing with stress, anxiety, and lawyer brain so that they can create confidence to build the lives and careers they want. She is also the host of the only podcast that teaches lawyers and other smart feminist women how to actually rewire their brains so that they can feel confident and get what they want in life. The UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast is available on iTunes or wherever else you get your podcasts. To download a free guide to creating more confidence and believing in your own abilities, go to www.unfckyourbrain.com/guide.

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