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Using Anger As A Tool For Your Career

Like many emotions, anger serves a purpose.

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facepalm face palm mistake lawyer partner associate

For a long time, in the interest of being viewed as the “perfect” associate in my law career, I would shove down my anger and say, “sure, I’m happy to work 24 hours a day while you run off to a Broadway show and dinner,” or “sure, I’m happy to work twice as many hours as some of my colleagues because you like my work better,” when really, I wasn’t happy at all: I was outraged. And then because I repressed the anger, it became resentment, and then resentment turned into depression, and then I drank a lot of alcohol and ate entirely too much food to soothe myself. (Sound familiar?)

But what if anger doesn’t have to spiral into self-soothing with alcohol, drugs, or food?  What if you could use your anger as a tool in your career?

Like many emotions, anger serves a purpose. When you look at the anger as a warning sign, you can see that it is a symptom that something is wrong. When you see anger for what it is, when you meet it, when you understand it–anger becomes a wonderful (albeit, sometimes unpleasant) tool for uncovering the problem and for motivating you to change.

But in order to harness it as a tool, first, you need to recognize the anger in your body:

Do me a favor and clench your fist really tight. Now do that same motion again, really slowly. You don’t go from a relaxed hand to a clenched fist immediately. Your fingers have to curl into themselves, your fingertips have to reach the base of your palm, you have to grip your thumb around the rest of your fingers. And you have to squeeze your fingers tightly to make it clench, maybe digging the fingernails into the surface of the palm.

If you pay attention, anger works itself through the body in a very similar fashion. Depending on how angry you become, you might roll your eyes or purse your lips or furl your brow. Your upper trapezius muscles might seize, lifting your shoulders involuntarily up toward your ears. Your pectoral muscles might tighten across your chest, making it more difficult for you to breathe. Your heart rate might quicken. Your blood pressure might soar. Your face might redden. Your entire body might clench as tightly as your fist.

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So if you pay attention, the body will probably tell you you’re angry before you even start to feel the emotions of anger, or before your mind starts to tell you why you’re angry.

Then, allow yourself to feel the anger: 

When you start to feel the anger in your body, you can pause and say aloud (either to yourself or to a friend): I am feeling anger right now.  And then let yourself really feel it. Notice how it feels as it spreads through your body. Don’t jump to the thoughts or the emotions–stay in the body. After giving yourself permission to feel the anger, notice how your body feels. Is it less or more restricted? (If it’s less restricted, that’s wonderful. If it’s more restricted, that’s ok, too.)

Investigate the cause of the anger:

And then spend some time investigating, without judgment, what it is that triggered the anger in the first place. Sometimes, it’s as simple as: I have too much work on my plate. Other times, it’s: I am being treated unfairly compared to my colleagues. Or it might be: my boss doesn’t treat me with respect. Or: I spend so much time at the office that I feel inadequate as a mother/father/spouse/lover. Or: my officemate is the least considerate person on the planet.

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Use that knowledge to fuel change:

Anger can only be used as a tool if you understand why you’re angry. If you are blindly angry, and you quit your job and get a new one without figuring out why, you might put yourself in the exact same situation you were in before. Once you figure out why you’re angry, make a list of possible ways that you can change your situation. Many work-related problems can be resolved with communication to the right person–your boss, a staffing partner, human resources, etc. And if they cannot be resolved, it might be a sign that it is time to move on to a new job, one where you’re not going to repeat the same patterns (fingers crossed).

Being a resentful, yet outwardly stellar employee seems to be the norm in our society. But what if you can find a job, or create a situation at work, where you don’t have to carry that anger and resentment? Doesn’t that feel a lot better?

Megan Grandinetti is a wellness & life coach, yoga teacher, and recovering attorney.  Learn more about Megan, and receive a free 10-minute guided meditation, by visiting www.megangrandinettiyoga.com and signing up for her email list.

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