Morning Docket

* Clarence Thomas lashes out at the “nastiness and lies” he’s had to deal with. By which he means the absolutely factual reporting about all the money he takes. [The Guardian]

* Trump is using campaign funds to pay most of his legal bills. [Brennan Center]

* Quinn Emanuel bumps up salaries in the UK. [Business Insider]

* In heartwarming news, former inmate passes the bar exam. [ABA Journal]

* Bob Menendez trial begins. [Reuters]

* Fifth Circuit gears up to tell stock market it can’t have its own corporate governance rules dealing with board diversity. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Forum shopping trip paid for by credit card. [Law360]

* Second hundred firms remain behind in price-insensitive work. Look, no one goes to Aldi for caviar and that’s perfectly fine. [American Lawyer]

* Antitrust practices see boom when administrations remember that the Sherman Act exists. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Judges’ Columbia boycott continues to be a stain on the judiciary. [Balls and Strikes]

* Attorney figures out that airline’s free promotion still charged taxes and fees and he wants those back. [LawFuel]

* ABA growing more amenable to bar exam alternatives. [Reuters]

* Hunter Biden trial set for June. Weird how career-minded judges don’t just magically disappear his cases from the docket. [Law360]

* Former Biglaw partner gets 15 year prison sentence [Roll on Friday]

* Rudy Giuliani says he’s broke, so why not return to making defamatory statements? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Shohei Ohtani’s former interpreter pleading guilty. What are the odds he avoids prison? Seriously, he’s probably looking for some action on that. [Law360]

* Co-founder of Panama Papers law firm has died while awaiting sentencing. [Barron’s]

* When it comes to the Constitution, instead of looking to the past, consider looking inside. [Slate]

* Another day, another criminal charge for Trump supporters attempting to breach voting machines. [Reuters]

* Forum shopping perfected. [Bloomberg Law News]

* ALM Staff discuss the new ranking. [American Lawyer]

* Aileen Cannon delays classified documents case indefinitely due to the overwhelming volume of motions that only exist because she’s refused to resolve them. [CNN]

* Columbia Law School still feels good about its graduates despite clerkship boycott from 13 conservative judges. Hey, as long as Columbia grads understand how to perform basic legal research they’re still a leg up on the judges themselves. [Reuters]

* Am Law Second Hundred trailed “in almost every financial metric” which sounds bad until you remember that this is kind of integral to how a ranking works. [American Lawyer]

* The history of the ahistorical… explaining the rise of originalism. [Slate]

* Lawyer says federal judge “pushed him and challenged him to a fight.” [ABA Journal]

* TikTok challenges constitutionality of divestment bill. [Law360]

* S&C pledges “vigilant” hiring checks based on campus protests implying they’ve had a lackadaisical approach to hiring until now. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Trump making fist pumps from the defense table… another display of his team’s crackerjack coaching! [Yahoo]

* Biglaw brings in coaching to support attorneys with ADHD. Just remember to bill any time with the counselors in 6 minute increments with code 9000-020. [ABA Journal]

* Ninth Circuit to hear case that blocked Idaho’s “abortion trafficking” law. Turns out states with tough regulations can’t control the situation when neighboring states have more lax restrictions. You’d think this would be a lesson in why “Chicago has tough gun laws but there’s gun violence all the time” is a disingenuous argument but that requires an unheard of level of good faith. [Reuters]

* Biglaw office gets modern with giant common gathering space and game rooms. [American Lawyer]

* Wishful thinking? Lawyers expecting Supreme Court to leave semblance of Chevron intact. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Resistance to “return-to-office” mandates head to court. [Washington Post]

* The Times is asking attorneys for feedback on their use of AI. Help out their research… it helps the Times devote coverage space to something besides the “Joe Biden so old…” jokes that make up roughly 90 percent of the paper. [New York Times]

* You can’t litigate your way into the Kentucky Derby. Sure but can you get in with a sweet legal concept for a name? [ABA Journal]

* Steven Calabresi is back banging out bizarre legal theories faster than Kendrick posts diss tracks. His latest suggests that hush money can’t be a crime because of the First Amendment which, as an actual expert explains here, is not true. [Election Law Blog]

* Congress can’t take bribes… that’s just for the Supreme Court, you fool! [Law360]

* Davis Polk planning to poke rivals in the eye as it leans into lateral recruiting. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Trump attorneys citing breakdown in client relationship told they still can’t leave the case without more. [CNBC]

* RNC chief counsel gig is open. Again. [NBC News]

* Lawyer’s license suspended after six-figures of client funds disappear. [Yahoo]

* Trump claims the gag order prevents him from testifying. So now Justice Merchan is going to have to the comically uncomfortable conversation asking if he thought he could lie about the court or if his elite white-collar lawyers have provided woefully ineffective assistance. [CNN]

* “The antitrust laws are not designed to ensure competitive markets,” declared the closing in Google’s antitrust case. Up is also down and we’ve always been at war with with Eastasia. [Bloomberg]

* Greenberg Traurig sues student group claiming that its speech activities against the war in Gaza amounts to “substantial assistance to a Foreign Terrorist Organization and its allies.” That, um, is not how the First Amendment works. [Fox News]

* Senior lawyer posts video of himself hiking naked through the forest. I’ve changed my mind, maybe it is time to ban TikTok. [Roll on Friday]

* Who will regulate AI? What about the CFTC? The answer, of course, will be “nobody” after the Supreme Court strikes down Chevron but for now androids can dream of electric enforcement actions. [Law360]

* More contempt fines on the table today in Trump trial. If only he could pay someone to catch-and-kill his Truth Social posts before he makes them! [Reuters]

* Larry Lessig explains why the Trump immunity arguments make no sense. [Rolling Stone]

* Bankruptcy firm files for bankruptcy. [Star Tribune]

* Data breach suit against ABA tossed. [ABA Journal]

* Acting Labor Secretary argues that the refusal to confirm her doesn’t prevent the whole department from functioning. [Law360]

* John Eastman asked to get his license suspension put on hold. After judge’s eyes bugged out at the gall… the request was denied. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Anna Delvey’s former lawyer is not having a good time these days. [Daily Beast]

* Good morning, for the first time, to A&O Sherman! [American Lawyer]

* The story of the judge who was living with an attorney representing clients in his courtroom was crazy, but now it seems multiple other judges knew about the relationship and kept it under wraps for years. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Harvey Weinstein heads back to court. [Reuters]

* Former general counsel collected $54 million without filing taxes. [ABA Journal]

* Another crypto executive heading to prison. [Law360]

* Suspended lawyer decided to just keep practicing anyway. How’s that working out? [LegalCheek]

* Trump attacks Todd Blanche behind-the-scenes, threatens to withhold legal fees. Again, Todd Blanche gave up a Biglaw partnership to live this whole Ransom of Orange Chief bit. [Mediaite]

* The Most Dangerous Game: Private equity firm accused of gambling on human lives. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Hugh Hewitt wrote a lengthy opinion piece about how “The left’s favorite legal ‘analysts’ are almost always wrong” which never (a) names a single left leaning analyst or (b) identifies any instance where a legal analyst was wrong about anything. Tremendous work all around over there. [Fox News]

* FTC action against affordable luxury brand merger “not in the bag.” Because when mergers break antitrust laws, courts write new rules and when the government challenges those mergers, courts say “didn’t you read those new rules we wrote?” And the cycle goes on and on. [Reuters]

* Man sentenced to 22 years for trying to give national secrets to Russian agents. Damn, where’s Judge Aileen Cannon when a defendant needs her? [Law360]

* State court ruling banning AI-enhanced video feels like a decision that’s going to undergo a lot of refining and transformation… not unlike an AI-enhanced video. [Legaltech News]

* Trump worries Pecker let him down. [Reuters]

* Trading getting hypercriticized for legal work for being hypercriticized for cooking in front of millions. [LegalCheek]

* Bill Barr thinks Donald Trump is a dangerous psychopath who threatens the core principles of the nation. But also, Joe Biden wants to put regulations on appliance efficiency so… pretty much the same thing. [Bloomberg Law News]

* People steal in VEGAS?!!?!? NO!!!![Law360]

* Law firms scramble to make sure their client relationships on the up and up. [National Law Journal]

* FEC complaint against Donald Trump after Daily Beast flagged curious vendor payments that might be cover for hiding campaign payments to lawyers. [USA Today]

* The list of law schools dominating the federal clerkship market reveals the power of “affirmative action for conservatives” as law schools with no business being on the list at all skyrocket after Trump administration packing. [Reuters]

* The legal industry isn’t rife with non-competes, but legal recruiting can be and the new FTC rule could open all that up. [American Lawyer]

* With Harvey Weinstein’s conviction overturned, prosecutors prepare for retrial. [Law360]

* Law firm suggests earbuds as solution to its open floor plan issues. [Roll on Friday]

* Paul Weiss struggling to secure foothold in Houston as top targets decide to stay at their current firms. Forget it, Paul… it’s H-Town. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Somehow we’d missed the release Liz Dye’s latest Legal Eagle video breaking down Trump’s beleaguered media company stock. [Legal Eagle]

* Understanding this morning’s oral argument over presidential immunity before Sam Alito just makes up something instead. [Dorf on Law]

* Over in the UK, a former judge proposes holding court in pubs to restore faith in the system. Clarence Thomas is down as long as one of the parties is buying! [LegalCheek]

* Chamber of Commerce sues over FTC’s ban on non-compete agreements because why should there be a “free” market? [Law360]

* Breaking down the synergies of a Troutman-Locke merger. The best of which is obviously this dish. [American Lawyer]

* McKinsey staring down a criminal probe over its opioid work. Who’d have thought a business built on encouraging rich people to do whatever they want to make money might have created a moral catastrophe? [Reuters]

* Biglaw talks a lot about generative AI, but this firm actually seems to have a strategy. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Attorney makes the jump to the comedy club circuit. [ABA Journal]

* Wait, are you suggesting we shouldn’t have trusted the journalistic integrity of the National Enquirer? This Trump trial teaches us something new every day! [Reuters]

* Outgoing Boeing leadership collecting around $45 million as they walk out the door. The existing door, not one blown out the side of one of their planes. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Supreme Court to hear yet another case of women placed in life-threatening peril because of Dobbs. This time it implicates a Ronald Reagan law, so let’s see how quickly the principled conservatives throw the Gipper under the bus and then back over him. [CNN]

* DOJ offers up $139 million to Larry Nassar victims over the FBI’s multiple levels of failure in putting a stop to the abuse. [Law360]

* Deep dive into Latham’s work to change NYC property taxes, where poor neighborhoods pay upwards of three times higher tax rates than more affluent ones. [Litigation Daily]

* The Washington Post wrote an editorial about the homelessness case. It’s as if they didn’t bother to figure out the basic facts of the homelessness case. [Balls and Strikes]

* Columbia law professors raise concerns over university’s handling of protest. [Intercept]

* “As DA Aims High, Trump Defense Gets ‘Down And Dirty.'” Pretty sure the whole case is about him getting down and dirty, but we’ll see have to wait for Stormy and Karen to testify. [Law360]

* Supreme Court to hear case about Idaho’s abortion ban and the criminalization of performing a life saving procedure. Who could have predicted this sort of infinite judicial line-drawing in policy matters? Oh wait, everyone. [Reuters]

* Reminder that antitrust warriors like Lina Khan don’t understand that mergers lead to efficiency!!! Also, remaining sugar production conglomerates collude in price fixing scheme causing costs of food staple to skyrocket. [Law.com]

* Speaking of Lina Khan, the FTC is about to ban non-compete agreements. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Chicago firms grew… but not as fast as New York. This occasion calls for a Malört! [American Lawyer]

* Neal Katyal has a suggestion for Trump’s gag order violations that might actually work… jail time suspended until after trial subject to reevaluation if Trump behaves. More likely to make a dent than fining him $1000 over and over. [Twitter, Yes, Let’s Just Be Honest And Keep Calling It That]

* Law school grads finding work easier than the cohort from 10 years ago… you know, when America was struggling to get out of a financial meltdown. [ABA Journal]

* After fighting over disclosing the witness list, prosecutors agreed to give Trump’s team the name of the first witness over the weekend with the admonishment that they didn’t want to see the name leaked or they wouldn’t be divulging any more names. Anyway, the first witness is David Pecker. [CNN]

* Meanwhile, Justice Engoron considers whether the many, many flaws in Trump’s civil fraud bond can be overlooked. [Reuters]

* Washington Post editorial board pushes for Supreme Court to protect laws to punish the homeless as a means to encourage using shelters. Except the case is explicitly and only about the constitutionality of cities penalizing homeless people when there are NOT available shelters. Do these people even bother reading up on these cases before writing about them? [Washington Post]

* Biglaw pushing recruiting earlier and earlier into the school year. Because students definitely need more distractions during 1L. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Self-immolation incident prompts security review. [Law360]

* More trouble for Lewis Brisbois. [American Lawyer]

* Michael Avenatti says he’s willing to testify on behalf of Trump. “I’m not saying any of this because I’m seeking a pardon,” he said. Sure. [Yahoo]

* The Trump jury is picked. The search for more alternates continues today. No rest for the very, very sleepy! [Washington Post]

* This story about the Dominion case and Clare Locke losing a lot of its talent to MWPP is… wild. [NY Times]

* Advice for Biglaw firms: when you tell a client “to avoid disclosure” and “try to do so in a way that looks legitimate,” you’re gonna have a bad time. [Roll on Friday]

* Ron DeSantis continues to throw taxpayer money on a heaping bonfire of avoidable litigation. This time it’s a law to allow public school chaplains. [USA Today]

* Another assessment of Judge Ho’s recent forum shopping speech concludes that his bombastic response only ended up making the case for reform that he set out to debunk. [Balls and Strikes]

* Democrats propose inspector general role for the judiciary. But we already have ProPublica, don’t we? [Law360]

* Gun manufacturers beg Supreme Court to bail them out on the bedrock principle that no one should be allowed to question them. [Reuters]

* Professor believes that the lawyers in danger of being replaced by ChatGPT and similar tech are the partners. In fairness, they’re saying, “I know there’s a case that says…” and what’s more hallucinatory than that? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Sentencing Commission finally takes steps against judges using acquitted conduct in sentencing. [Law360]

* Columbia student who was suspended for attacking Gaza war protesters with a chemical spray has sued the school arguing that the chemical was non-toxic so… it’s OK to shoot at people who’s speech he doesn’t like? [Columbia Daily Spectator]

* Former state and federal prosecutor with long history of benchslaps and wrongful convictions to be disbarred for her actions… now that she’s retired. For more on her history, check out this wild thread from Michael Harriot [Kansas Public Radio]

* Colorado moves to make brain waves protected “sensitive information.” [Legaltech News]

* “A waste of taxpayer resources and time,” says the office of Gov. Sarah Sanders. Curiously, she’s not describing the $19,000 lectern she bought, but the investigation into it. [ABC News]

* SpaceX effort to keep NLRB fight in Texas for forum shopping reasons fails on launchpad. [Reuters]

* Profiles of the first seven jurors in the Trump case. Y’all sure you want that many lawyers on the jury? [CNN]

* Bob Menendez appears to be planning to throw his wife under the bus. “Alexa, play ‘Getaway Car’ by Taylor Swift.”[Law360]

* Winston & Strawn settles claim that it violated copyright by filing brief copying text from a co-defendant’s brief. At least we know the settlement agreement isn’t copied since literally no one has ever brought such a stupid claim before. [Reuters]

* NY Court of Appeals questions whether it’s unconstitutional to require religious entities to actually be religious to get exemptions to health insurance regulations requiring abortion care coverage. Yes, can’t “collecting tax free money” be religious enough? [Bloomberg Law News]

* Law schools considering changes ahead of NextGen bar exam. [ABA Journal]

* Eric Adams looking to bring back Giuliani administration alums for his administration, starting in the legal department. The man definitely has his finger on the pulse of what New Yorkers want in 2024! [NY Times]

* Supreme Court authorizes Idaho’s anti-trans care law with Justice Gorsuch writing that the decision might abuse the standard notion of the Court’s shadow docket power, but all the justices who created those precedents are dead now and we have a supermajority so YOLO (you’d be shocked at how lightly paraphrased that is too). [Law360]

* Rudy tried to get his defamation verdict reversed. It went as well as the rest of his election legal work. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Armorer in the Alec Baldwin case sentenced to 18 months. [Reuters]

* Over in the UK, Kaplan apologizes after incorrectly informed a bunch of grads that they’d failed the Solicitor’s Qualification Exam, leading at least some to lose their job offers. [LegalCheek]

* Biglaw partner alleges that another lawyer filed an inflammatory affidavit for the purpose of serving as the basis of a negative NY Post article. [ABA Journal]

* A&O makes a withdrawal from the (Mil)bank. [Law.com International]

* Eriq Gardner chats with David Boies about a wide range of topics, but especially the firm’s contingency work and the billions in value it generates. [Puck]