Health / Wellness

Yale Law School Alum And Author Gretchen Rubin On Mental Health, Clerking For Sandra Day O’Connor, And Our Highest Aims

Through her research and scholarship, Rubin has emerged as one of the most interesting commentators on happiness.

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Gretchen Rubin (Photo by Andy Ryan/Corbis Outline)

“I don’t pretend to know / The challenges we’re facing / I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost / And you need time / But I’m not afraid / I know who I married / Just let me stay here by your side / That would be enough.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda, “It’s Quiet Uptown” (Hamilton)

On Monday, Joanna Litt, an attorney and wife of Sidley Austin partner Gabe MacConaill, penned an opinion piece for Law.com titled, ‘Big Law Killed My Husband’: An Open Letter From a Sidley Partner’s Widow.

My ATL colleagues Kathryn Rubino and Jill Switzer covered Litt’s piece in their articles titled, Biglaw Widow Blames Firm For Husband’s Suicide and Lawyer Suicides Are Becoming All Too Frequent, respectively.

Switzer succinctly captures the psyche of so many attorneys:

[MacConaill’s] wife, Joanna Litt, also a lawyer, in researching the unanswerable, came across the concept of “maladaptive perfectionism,” that is, unrealistic standards of achievement combined with hypercriticism of failing to meet them. Anyone reading this see herself/himself in that definition? I thought so.

It feels like just yesterday, I covered Eilene Zimmerman, a Biglaw widow who is featured in the New York Times article, “The Lawyer, the Addict — A high-power Silicon Valley attorney dies. His ex-wife investigates, and finds a web of drug abuse in his profession,”

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While Litt’s husband died in Sidley Austin’s parking garage, Zimmerman’s husband passed away while on a work conference call. Both men literally sacrificed their lives for their work… and died at work. In a punishing profession, too many lawyers are paying the ultimate price. As I have previously noted, the difference between heeding the warnings and missing the signals can be life and death.

It’s times like these, I pay special attention to those around me who seem a little beat up by work, a little less joyful, and have lost their passion and spark. Often times, when young attorneys are trying to establish their careers they tend to sacrifice everything they once held dear and wear sleepless nights as a badge of honor. It’s no wonder articles like “Why are lawyers killing themselves?” seem so common nowadays.

This week, I reached out to several experts on happiness, human nature, and mental health. Most notably, I had the opportunity to catch up with one of my favorite authors, Gretchen Rubin.

Through her research and scholarship, Rubin has emerged as one of the most interesting commentators on habits and happiness. A graduate of Yale and Yale Law School, where she was Editor-in-Chief of the Yale Law Journal and winner of the Edgar M. Cullen Prize, Rubin started her career in law. She clerked for Judge Pierre Leval and was clerking for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when she realized she really wanted to be a writer. Of everything she’s ever written, she says, her one-minute video, The Years Are Short, resonates most with people.

A former lawyer, Rubin is now one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. I found our conversation to be both practical and enlightening. I believe you will too. Without further ado, here is a (lightly edited and condensed) write-up of our conversation:

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Renwei Chung (RC): I was first introduced to you through The Happiness Project, but you had written for quite some time before this. Do your research and books all follow a similar theme?

Gretchen Rubin (GR): All my books explore the subject of human nature. How do we understand ourselves — and other people — better? Why do we do what we do? How can we change, if we want to change? The subjects fascinate me.

RC: Last time we spoke, you were on the eve of publishing The Four Tendencies. As a former practicing attorney, how do you think this book applies to the legal tribe?

GR: In any profession, and especially in high-engagement professions like law, we have a huge advantage when we understand ourselves and our work styles — and when we understand how other people may approach the world differently. One person thinks, “I don’t need you to watch over me, let me manage my own work,” while another person thinks, “I work best with firm deadlines and team accountability.”

Both are legitimate and productive work styles, but when we assume that everyone works best the way that works for us, we miss opportunities to tailor circumstances so that all people can do their best work. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. When you know whether someone is an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel, you can take steps that will reduce conflict, burn-out, procrastination and resentment.

For people who’d like to find out their own Tendency, there’s a short free online quiz at quiz.gretchenrubin.com — more than 1.7 million people have taken it!

RC: Can you share with us a little about your legal career and your transition into becoming such an accomplished author?

GR: I was clerking for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when I realized that I wanted to be a writer. During my time in her chambers, I idly asked myself one day, “What interests me, that interests everyone in the world too?” And I thought, “Well, power. Money. Fame. Sex.” And I became completely fascinated by these linked subjects and what they revealed about human nature.

I did more and more research, and used all my time pursuing this subject, until I thought, “This is what people do if they’re going to write a book about a subject. I could write a book!” I went to the bookstore and bought a book called something like How to Write and Sell Your Non-Fiction Book Proposal — and followed the directions. That project became my first book: Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide. Of course, that account makes it sound easier than it was.

RC: I’d love to hear more about your clerking experience with former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor! Do you still keep in touch?

GR: Yes! In fact, I visited her recently. It was an extraordinary experience to clerk on the Supreme Court. It was an honor and privilege to play a part, however small, in such an important aspect of our government. I got a thrill every day as I walked up to the majestic Supreme Court building.

I often think of its inscription: EQUAL JUSTICE UNDER LAW. As a nation, we don’t always live up to that promise, but the Supreme Court building itself reminds us of one of our highest aims.

RC: What’s your advice for a law student who is thinking about applying to clerkships?

GR: Stay calm! It’s a tough process. Try not to let it take over your brain, and try not to let it get under your skin.

RC: Why do you think our profession is so prone to mental health issues?

GR: There are many reasons, but I wonder if this is part of it: Many people who go to law school don’t necessarily want to become lawyers. I count myself in this group. I thought, “I’m good at research and writing, I can always change my mind later, it’s great preparation, it will keep my options open.”

In fact, law school prepares you very well to be a lawyer, and many people end up going into the legal profession even though they didn’t really intend to do so. Money and security play their part as well. In many other professions, it’s much less likely to be a default decision, so there’s a better fit between skill, interest, and expectations.

RC: What advice do you have for attorneys who want to become authors?

GR: The most important thing is to have something to say. If you want to be a writer, but you don’t have anything in particular you want to communicate, you’re going to find it very tough. This sounds extremely obvious, but in my observation, it’s a common issue.

Also, to be an author, you need the habit of writing regularly. As I write about in Better Than Before, my book about habit-formation, there are many ways to create a consistent habit. If you’ve struggled to write regularly, you’re probably approaching it in a way that’s not right for you.

For instance, you may be trying to get up early every day to write before work — but you’re a night person, so you’re at your most creative and energetic much later in the day. Or maybe you need accountability to be write regularly, so you’re struggling because you’re writing in your free time, as a personal project. So what you need is a system of accountability.

RC: In March 2019, your newest book, Outer Order Inner Calm, will be published. Can you tell us a little about it?

GR: One of my Secrets of Adulthood is: For most people, outer order contributes to inner calm.

I’ve long been fascinated by the connection between outer order and inner calm — which seems disproportionate to me. After all, in the context of a happy, productive life, why should it matter if your desk is messy or your coat closet is crowded?

And yet over and over, people tell me, “When I get control over the stuff in my life, I feel more in control of my life generally.” I certainly feel this way myself.

So I wanted to focus in on this relationship, and also explore lots of easy, manageable strategies for creating outer order. For some reason, I find this an enormously energizing topic. As a friend told me, “I finally cleaned by fridge, and now I know I can switch careers.” I know that feeling, myself.

RC: Researching the keys to happiness has been central to your work. What makes you happy?

GR: So many things! Friends, family. My dog Barnaby. My four book groups. Going to the library. New York City, especially Central Park and public transportation. Books. Working on my podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. My laptop.

Lately I’ve been obsessed with the beauties of scent and of color. And, of course, it makes me happy to talk about happiness, habits, and human nature — it’s fascinating to hear people’s experiences and insights.

On behalf of everyone here at Above the Law, I would like to thank Gretchen Rubin for taking the time to share her story with our audience. We wish her continued success in her career. 

If you or someone you know is depressed, or otherwise in need help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) or a lawyer assistance program in your state. Remember that you are loved, so please reach out if you need assistance, before it’s too late. Don’t become a statistic — seek help.

Renwei Chung is the Diversity Columnist at Above the Law. You can contact Renwei by email at [email protected], follow him on Twitter (@renweichung), or connect with him on LinkedIn. 

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