Advice for the Lawlame, Ann Israel, Biglaw, NYLawyer.com, Rank Stupidity

Advice for the Lawlame: Said I Loved You But I Lied

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One of our favorite features over at NYLawyer.com are the advice columns. There’s Advice for the Lawlorn, a column by Ann Israel, a legal recruiter based in New York. And there’s Crossroads, in which job consultant Linda Laufer offers insights on career direction and job transition.
In a typical column, some clueless correspondent writes in to Ann Israel, says that he has a 2.3 GPA from a fourth-tier law school, and asks if he can land a job at Davis Polk. Sensibly enough, Ann tells him he has a better chance of being in a three-way with Petra Nemcova and Madeleine Albright. She then suggests that he hire a well-regarded headhunter — someone like herself, say — to help him get a paralegal position at a personal-injury firm somewhere on Long Island.
Ann’s advice is often sound, especially when it relates to her area of expertise: how to land a Biglaw job. But sometimes she’s off the mark — and sometimes she seems more interested in shilling for legal recruiters than offering actual insight.
So we’ve decided to offer our own version of an advice column here at Above the Law. We’ll take questions submitted to “Advice for the Lawlorn” or “Crossroads,” then offer our own unique take on them.
Here’s this week’s request for advice:

Dear Ann:

While on an interview with a BigLaw firm, the question came up about whether I was an attorney and passed the California Bar in July. The truth is that I passed in February; but I just agreed that I passed in July. The interview went really well otherwise and I expect an offer any day. I had no intention to not tell the truth – I just got caught up in the heat of the moment. What do I do if I am hired? I really need this job!

Our reponse to this legal Pinocchio, after the jump.

Dear Dumbass:

Okay, we’re not going to mince words: you may not be cut out for this whole “law” thing. First, you tell lies — accidentally. This suggests you lack the ability to tell premeditated lies, a skill required of all competent attorneys.

Second, you don’t seem terribly intelligent. After all, a smarter person wouldn’t have gotten into a mess like this. And passing the bar in February is highly suspect. Our guess is that you took the bar back in July, the more traditional time for taking the bar, and failed. Nice work.

Here’s our assessment of your situation. You have a law degree, but you’re not terribly brilliant. And you tell lies. So why not try politics?

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Your friends at Above the Law

Advice for the Lawlorn [NYLawyer.com]

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