Food, Internal Memos

Fun With Internal Memos: Submissions, Please

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We know we ask a lot of you: salary information for Skaddenfreude, legal celebrity sightings for The Eyes of the Law, and funny summer associate stories (which you’ve been slow to deliver thus far). But please, indulge us yet again.
One of the (few) pleasures of working in a large law office is receiving silly or stupid internal memos — you know, the kind that you snicker about with colleagues over lunch, or maybe forward to your friends by email for their amusement.
Back when we were in practice, this stern, one-line memo — from one of the nation’s leading corporate lawyers — went out to all of the firm’s support staff:

Reminder: there is to be no popcorn made in any of our kitchen microwaves.

Apparently this missive was prompted by concern over the firm offices smelling like a movie theater. And we can appreciate this concern. When you’re trying to close a billion-dollar deal, a sudden hankering for a 32-ounce Coke can be very distracting.
(Well, at least the floors weren’t sticky. They were carpeted — which we appreciated on those nights we’d take half-hour naps on our office floor, while waiting for word processing to turn some document around.)
This popcorn memo is rather innocuous. We know that far more scandalous internal memos — like emails setting forth detailed guidelines for appropriate attire, after a summer associate shows up in a denim micro-mini — are floating out there.
So send us the most asinine or amusing internal memos circulated in your workplace. We’ll review what you submit, then publish the best (worst?) memos in these pages — after redacting any information that could reveal your identity as our tipster. Here at ATL, we always keep our sources confidential (unless they want to be recognized).
As usual, please send them to us by email (with “Internal Memo” somewhere in the subject line). Thanks in advance for your contributions.

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