Archive for September 2006

Morning Docket: 09.15.06

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anna nicole smith.jpg* Anna Nicole Smith, the buxom ex-Playmate and victorious Supreme Court litigant, supports a formal inquest into the mysterious death of her 20-year-old son, Daniel Wayne Smith. [Associated Press]
* SCOTUS groupies, rejoice: Same-day transcripts of Supreme Court oral arguments will be made available, for free, on the Court’s website. [Washington Post; SCOTUSblog]
* The Pennsylvania Supreme Court strikes down the legislature’s attempted repeal of judicial pay raises as unconstitutional. As a result, Pennsylvania Supreme Court justices’ salaries will increase to about $171,000, and Common Please judges’ salaries will increase to almost $150,000. Not bad for being an icky state court judge. [How Appealing (linkwrap)]
* Boy that was fast: notorious plaintiffs’ lawyer William Lerach, a former partner at the indicted law firm Milberg Weiss, has filed a derivative lawsuit against the HP board. [The Recorder via WSJ Law Blog]
* Michael “Under God” Newdow, the Energizer Bunny of questionable litigation, is at it again. [Law.com]
* More wrangling between the White House and Congressional Republicans over military tribunals and permissible interrogation methods for terror suspects. We hope this gets resolved soon, ’cause our attention span just isn’t that long. [New York Times]

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Law and Order: Fashion Victims Unit

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fashion victim.jpgWelcome to Law and Order: Fashion Victims Unit, an Above the Law feature that we hope will catch on with fashion-forward lawyers.
FVU will be like New York magazine’s “Look Book” column — see, e.g., here — but for attorneys. We’ll put up a photograph of a lawyer with an interesting or distinctive way of dressing, then either interview that individual — if they agree to participate — or offer color commentary on their outfit (a la Gawker’s Looking at the Look Book).
This feature will require some reader participation. Here’s what we need from you: good-sized, high-quality, head-to-toe photographs of sartorially distinctive lawyers. You can send in pictures of friends, colleagues — or even yourself.
Please send us your submissions by email (subject line: “FVU”). Thanks!

Non-Sequiturs: 09.14.06

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concealer.jpg* It’s a gay, gay, gay, gay world. [Althouse]
* But David Bernstein still doesn’t appreciate the importance of perfectly-matched concealer. [Volokh Conspiracy]
* Maybe the contributors to this new blawg can enlighten him. [Consumer Law & Policy Blog via PrawfsBlawg]
* Without lawyers, who would be in charge of knowing random s***? [Concurring Opinions]
* Like, say, the legal rules about shouting “fire” in a crowded theater? Maybe this book can tell us. [Crescat Sententia]
* Remember Christopher Slowik, the 37-year-old Brooklyn Law grad whose job search was depressing us? Well, things have taken a happier turn for him. [Wall Street Journal via WSJ Law Blog]
* VC commenters are THE BEST. [Volokh Conspiracy]

Viet Dinh: Still As Cuddly As Ever

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viet dinh.jpgThe recent HP leak investigation scandal has drawn into the spotlight a legal celebrity of the first rank: Viet Dinh. Dinh represents venture capitalist god Thomas Perkins, in Perkins’s (rather tense) dealings with HP’s board and lawyers.
Dinh, for those of you visiting from other planets, is one of the highest-flying legal eagles in the country. He’s a former high-ranking official at the Justice Department, current professor at Georgetown Law, and former Supreme Court clerk (to Justice Sandra Day O’Connor).
Despite his platinum-plated résumé, Dinh is a grabby l’il guy. Here’s the lede of Anna Schneider-Mayerson’s very interesting profile of Dinh, in the New York Observer:

On the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, Viet Dinh, one of the lead architects of the controversial Patriot Act, was standing in his Washington, D.C., office, waxing poetic about Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor.

“Justice O’Connor, I love her so much,” the 38-year-old law professor said. “I love her so much. She’s the best.”

As if to return the compliment, her image, in the form of a photo portrait signed to her former clerk “with respect and affection,” smiled back at him.

Hugs all around!

The effusive Dinh is, according to Schneider-Mayerson, “an avid and nonpartisan hugger.” As he readily admits, “I always hug [conservative lawyer] Ted Olson and [ACLU executive director] Anthony Romero,” he said.
Does this surprise us? Not in the least. Learn why, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Viet Dinh: Still As Cuddly As Ever”

An Open Letter to the Empress of Palo Alto

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rachel kovner.jpgBased on the feedback we’ve received, it seems that you share our obsession with the brilliant Rachel Kovner.
In case you don’t know, Ms. Kovner is (1) the best student in the history of Stanford Law School (“the Empress of Palo Alto”); (2) a future law clerk to Justice Antonin Scalia (“Nino’s Girl”); and (3) the daughter of the $2.5 billion man, Bruce Kovner.
(The rather odd picture at right is from her Facebook profile. Don’t ask us, we’re as confused as you are.)
One thing we’ve heard is that Rachel, despite her brilliance and her wealth, is a quiet and unassuming young woman. She doesn’t call attention to herself; to the contrary, she eschews the limelight. She doesn’t like people knowing that her dad is the 93rd richest man in America (a fact that’s in the public domain, readily ascertainable by anyone with Google).
Now all this is quite understandable. After all, Rachel doesn’t want certiorari petitions sent to the Supreme Court with footnotes like this: “If the Court declines to hear this case, petitioner respectfully requests that this petition be construed as an application for a $5,000 loan from Ms. Rachel Kovner, so petitioner can get momma a facelift.”
But it’s just not a realistic approach to the world for someone in the Jimmy Choo shoes of Rachel Kovner — as we will now explain, in this open letter.

Dear Ms. Kovner:

Greetings from your friends at Above the Law. As you surely know, we have written about you extensively in the past week. See, e.g., here and here.

We understand from some of your friends that you are a modest and low-key person, uncomfortable with being the center of attention. But given who you are, your aversion to the spotlight is simply untenable.

With your blinding intellect, and your father’s mountains of hedge-fund cash, it was only a matter of time before the world discovered you. Greatness knows no hiding place. The proverbial cream rises to the proverbial top.

So Rachel, dear, listen up. You got a Supreme Court clerkship, and we didn’t; so maybe we’re in no position to give you advice. But we ARE a little older than you, and we’ve been around the block, so please permit us a few words.

Here is today’s lesson (which we hope you’ll learn with the same diligence that earned you the top grades in Stanford Law history): There is nothing more important than fame.*

Yes, fame. Celebrity. Your name on everyone’s lips. People knowing who you are, even though you have no clue as to who they are. An off-the-chart Q score. People constantly talking about you — for good or ill. Take to heart the words of Samuel Johnson: “I would rather be attacked than unnoticed.” Or this old adage: “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.”

Remember the saying “Whoever dies with the most toys wins?” It should be updated for today’s world: “Whoever dies with the most Google hits wins.”

As we’ve said again and again, Rachel, you are fabulous. A superstar. And you need to stop denying or hiding from that reality. You are one of the greatest legal minds of your generation. And your father is one of the world’s richest men.

So start playing the part. Find your inner diva, and let her shine. Show up tomorrow in Judge Wilkinson’s chambers and shout, at the top of your lungs: “I am Rachel Kovner. Hear me roar!!!”

Sincerely,
Your Friends at Above the Law

* Incredibly enough, the phrase “there is nothing more important than fame,” placed within quotation marks, generates no Google hits. The same thing goes for the more concise “Nothing is more important than fame.”
Well, that’s about to change…
Earlier: More on the Fabulous Rachel Kovner
Definitive Proof that Life Isn’t Fair

Summer Associate Stories: Girl Gone Wild

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paper moon.JPGRemember Cristina Leeann Schultz, a.k.a. the Stanford Law escort? The federal government alleged that she “paid off more than $300,000 in student loans, [working] under the stage name of Brazil, a call girl who roamed the country to turn ‘high-priced hottie’ tricks.”*
Perhaps Brazil — er, Ms. Schultz — is inspiring future generations of female law students to explore, um, other professional opportunities. Check out our latest summer associate story:

[A] summer associate at McGuireWoods in Richmond apparently was feeling unfulfilled by her list of assignments for the summer. So she headed down to the Paper Moon strip club for Amateur Night. For anyone who hasn’t sampled Richmond’s professional nudie scene, it’s pretty terrible. I can only imagine the horror of amateur night.

Anyway, said summer associate — I believe she goes to school at [redacted] — got onstage, did her thing… and WON. Sadly, her secret remained safe through the end of the summer, and no one ever really found out.

Until now.

We congratulate this multi-talented law student. Any summer associate can throw on a pantsuit. But how many can throw one off?
So can you top that? We’re still on the prowl for more silly summer associate stories. You know where to reach us.
* What, pray tell, is a “high-priced hottie” trick? Is this a term of art within the world’s oldest profession?
Stanford Law Grad, U.S. Clash Over Cache of Cash [The Legal Reader]
Stanford Peers Empathize with Alleged Prostitute [The Stanford Daily Review]
Earlier: Low-Hanging Fruit: Summer Associate Stories, Please

Judge of the Day: Stanley Mills

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stanley mills judge parking.JPGThis is pretty awesome. Of course it’s from Florida, from whence all fabulous things come.

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger.

And you never, ever, pull into Circuit Judge Stanley Mills’ parking spot.

Nichole Delameter spent all day Monday learning that lesson while cooling her flip-flops at the West Pasco Judicial Center.

Mills made Delameter sit in his courtroom for much of the morning after she parked in his reserved spot. He used his 2005 Cadillac to block in her 1990 Oldsmobile until he left at the end of the day.

Some people accuse the judge of overreacting. But let’s view his actions in context:

For the second time in two weeks, the Pinellas-Pasco circuit judge arrived for morning court to find another vehicle in his spot. And just like last week, he pulled behind it, parking perpendicular to the offending vehicle and blocking it in.

Last week he didn’t move his car, the judge said Monday, until the errant driver got this lecture in court: “There’s two perks to the job,” Mills said. “I have my own bathroom, and I have my own parking spot, and you’re not going to get to use either.”

Darn tootin’, Your Honor! And here’s our favorite detail:

It was 3:30 p.m. in the parking lot when remorse gave way to anger. While Judge Mills was still working, his judicial assistant kept moving the Cadillac to let other judges get in and out of their spots. But Delameter’s car was still stuck.

That’ll learn her! And will someone please tell her to buy some closed-toe shoes?
Judge Sentences Car in His Spot to Lockdown [St. Petersburg Times]
A Judge Overreacts [St. Petersburg Times (editorial)]
Judge Stanley Mills [Sixth Judicial Circuit of Florida]
(Gavel bang: How Appealing.)

“First Thing We Do, Let’s Vote Off All the Lawyers”

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survivor logo.JPGAttention reality TV junkies: the new season of Survivor debuts tonight.
This edition is formally called “Survivor: Cook Islands.” But as some have noted, you may know it better by its nickname: “Survivor: Race Wars.”

Tonight, CBS kicks off the social experiment/ratings gimmick that is executive producer Mark Burnett’s latest and brashest attempt to give his reality show an attention boost.

This time, blacks, whites, Hispanics and Asians will initially be separated into four tribes. That’s 20 contestants divided along racial and ethnic lines, an idea that’s stirred up a hot stew of outrage and curiosity.

We’ve never been that into “Survivor” (despite a general weakness for reality television). But maybe we’ll tune in tonight. Why? Because two of the contestants are lawyers — including a guy we went to law school with!
The two attorney contestants are both Asian-American — and ridiculously good-looking. This is interesting, since (1) law isn’t a profession widely associated with Asians, and (2) not many lawyers are ridiculously good-looking (ERISA hotties excepted).
Their names are Becky Lee and Yul Kwon. You can read more about them — and check out their photos — after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading ““First Thing We Do, Let’s Vote Off All the Lawyers””

Another Atypical Deposition

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One of our finest moments in private practice took place during a deposition. We had been up the entire night before, along with the paralegal on the case, pulling documents and preparing deposition outline material for the partner.

It was a critical deposition: the deposition of the plaintiff, a billionaire businessman (on the Forbes 400 — although not as high as Bruce Kovner). The questions were being asked by the partner, but we were on hand to watch and assist.

Several hours into the deposition — due to our sleep deprivation, coupled with less-than-scintillating testimony — we started to nod off (as did the paralegal). The plaintiff noticed. After the partner asked a question that was very similar to a prior question, the plaintiff exploded: “You already asked me that. Your questions are so boring and repetitive, YOUR OWN COLLEAGUE IS FALLING ASLEEP!”*

But if we had been attending this deposition, we wouldn’t have fallen asleep. Here’s a bit of context for the video clip, contained in the email that forwarded it to us:

The attached deposition excerpt will underscore the importance of good witness preparation and steady questioning technique when taking. (Pay special attention to the defending attorney’s studied silence on the tape because the witness obviously was in firm control.) Also, note the excellent follow-up question at the end by the questioning attorney.

Click on the video clip below to play — and be sure to listen through to the end, ’cause that’s where the best stuff is. Enjoy!

(Our “preemption check” was cursory, so if this video has been previously discussed on another website or blog, we apologize.)

* You’re probably wondering what happened to us, after we fell asleep during the most important deposition in the case, and got made fun of — on the record — by the billionaire plaintiff.

No, we didn’t get fired. In fact, the partner was very gracious and understanding. In the elevator after the deposition, he told us: “I know you and [the paralegal] were up all night. So don’t worry about it. When I was an associate, I fell asleep during a deposition too. The problem was, I was taking it!”

Tough Deposition Questioning [YouTube]

Earlier: Not Your Typical Deposition

Skaddenfreude: Non-Lawyer Salaries

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100 dollar bill Above the Law Above the Law law firm salary legal blog legal tabloid Above the Law.JPGWelcome to the latest edition of Skaddenfreude: Totally Gauche Ogling of Other Lawyers’ Incomes.
Normally we offer you a round-up of how much various lawyers around the country are making — and how many billable hours they’re racking up. But today we’re going to do things a little differently. Many readers of this blog are people who work in the legal profession, but who aren’t lawyers (or who will be lawyers eventually, but aren’t yet). And some of these readers kindly sent us their compensation information. So today we shine the salary spotlight on these non-lawyers with law-related occupations:

(1) contractor-investigator, aerospace company/Justice Department, based in a large city, specializing in disability rights, class of 2004: $48,000 (incl. health and welfare benefit; base is “a meager $41,000″);*

(2) procurement specialist, engineering and construction company, based in a small city, specializing in contract and construction law, class of 2000: $55,000 (plus “profit sharing and all the slide rules I can bogart”);**

(3) intellectual property manager/in house counsel’s office (and evening law student), biotechnology company, metropolitan area of a large city, class of 2008 (law school): $80,000.

Our Skaddenfreude hopper is almost empty right now. Please help us out by sending us your income information, by email, to tips AT abovethelaw DOT com (subject line: “Skaddenfreude”). The components of a submissions package are listed here.
If you’re a counsel or partner (equity or non-equity) at a big law firm, we’re especially interested in hearing from you. As we’ve explained previously, you will be kept anonymous. We thank you in advance for your contributions.
* Clarification: This reader is a law school graduate; and even though the holder of this position does not have to be a lawyer, legal training is strongly preferred.
** Correction: We misapprehended our reader’s submission; this individual is a lawyer. “I do contracts. And boy, do I do contracts.” We apologize for the error. Who knew that a lawyer would be so keen on slide rules?
Earlier: Prior Skaddenfreude coverage (scroll down)

ERISA Hotties: A Behind-the-Scenes Look

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erisa beauty queen.jpgTwo updates in our post-results coverage of ERISA hotties:
1. We are happy to report that, as requested by one of the winners, tiaras will be provided to the two winning ERISA hotties: Professor Bruce Wolk and Sarah E. Downie.
The tiaras will be furnished courtesy of acclaimed wedding tiara designer Christina Garcia. We will be contacting the winners to find out their shipping information.
2. Check out this hilarious email — which we and dozens of others received as a forwarded message. (We’ve deleted the endless string of email forwards that preceded the original message.)

I will send a serious email later, but first a frivolous one — I am 5 votes down in the ERISA Hottie Contest. The polls close at 1:00 your time. The leader has been sending me some rather snooty emails — it seems she’s ready to count me out and claim the crown.

So, I need to teach this girl a lesson — get your mom and dad to vote! Send the link to anyone good humored enough to help me win!

http://www.abovethelaw.com/2006/09/erisa_hotties_your_female_nomi.php#more

We will leave it to you to guess the identity of the sender — but it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.
Earlier: Prior ERISA Hotties coverage

Morning Docket: 09.14.06

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whitney houston.jpg* It’s her prerogative… to seek a legal separation from her husband of 14 years. Whitney Houston files for legal separation from Bobby Brown, citing “irreconcilable differences.” (What differences? They’re both seriously f***ed up celebrities. But we will always love you, Whitney.) [Associated Press]
* Congressional Republicans are falling in line behind the Bush Administration’s warrantless wiretapping program. The Administration is also making some progress in pushing its military tribunal proposal forward; but it’s proving a tougher sell. [Washington Post; New York Times]
* It’s official: Judge Thomas M. Hardiman (W.D. Pa.), who was rumored to be in the running for a Third Circuit spot, has been officially nominated by President Bush. [Pittsburg Post-Gazette via How Appealing]
* Kayne Gillaspie is eliminated from Project Runway. Yes, he was a real sweetheart; but it was only a matter of time. [Reality TV Magazine; Althouse]
* And Tucker Carlson is ushered off the floor on Dancing With the Stars. We voted for you, Tucker — like three times! Sorry it wasn’t enough. [Reality TV Magazine]