It’s hard to believe it was just a month ago that LEWW moved into our little cubicle at ATL headquarters, a bit nervous about whether we’d survive in the cutthroat blogging world. Here we are at the beginning of May, and LEWW is already flouting the dress code, stealing food from the fridge, and posting our first poll. That’s right — it’s time for the ATL readership to vote on its Legal Eagle Couple of the Month, for April 2007!
If you need to refresh your memory about these couples, you can click on the “Continue reading” link below, to review our original write-ups.
But if you’re ready to vote, here’s the poll:
1. Kathleen Walsh and John von Rosenberg
- Kathleen, 37, and John, 39, are both marrying somewhat late in life, which offers hope for those unattached 30-something ATL readers who yearn to see their names in this space one day. And it’s the first marriage for both, unlike the couple below them, where “[T]he bridegroom’s three previous marriages ended in divorce.” Good luck with that, girlfriend. (It’s totally okay for me to say that! As the Times helpfully informed us four pages earlier, if you’ve had more than one failed marriage, “[s]omething must be wrong with you.”)
- Kathleen brings serious Ivy League cred to this union with her undergrad degree from Brown and J.D. from Harvard.
- John’s occupation is a bracing gust of salty air amid the fetid stench of lawyer-banker-analyst-manager-publisher-Cravath-Goldman-gunk that washes up on these pages every week. John is a bathymetrist. We had no idea what that was either, but Wikipedia informs us that bathymetry is “the study of underwater depth.” (The word is derived from the Greek βαθυς, “deep,” and μετρον, “measure.”)
Speaking of underwater stuff, LEWW was nerdily reading The Hunt for Red October the other night when we were assaulted by this bluebooking disaster in a memo to the fictional President from the fictional Attorney General:
There is a good deal of case law on this subject. One single example is Dalmas v. Stathos (84FSuff. 828, 1949 A.M.C. 770 [S.D.N.Y 1949])
FSuff.? That mangled cite could get even AlGo fired!
The Case Against:
- Kathleen was until last month a lawyer for the disabled at the Equal Rights Center, but the Times is silent on how she’s occupying her time now. Do good bathymetrists’ wives quit their jobs to concentrate on throwing lavish bathymetry soirees? Is she at home warming John’s flippers?
- Kathleen will continue to use her name professionally, forgoing the opportunity to be known as “[The Countess] Kathleen von Rosenberg.” This hints at a lack of vanity unseemly in a lawyer.
- John went to LSU. LSU may be tops in bathymetry, but its women’s basketball coach (1) recently resigned amid allegations of coach-on-player hanky-panky and (2) is named “Pokey.” There are sex scandals that reflect well on institutions, but this isn’t one of them.
2. Shilpa Patel and Christopher Larson
- We like the diversity of this couple. Betcha they’re already sick of hearing that they’re going to have cute kids. (But it’s so true!)
- Christopher went to Yale; Shilpa went to Tufts and Brooklyn Law. According to the sages at U.S. News, Brooklyn is only the fifth-best law school in New York City, but it’s still better than the number-one law school in—hide the children, LEWW is attempting to count again—25 states!
- We’re a little torn about their picture. There’s something unfortunate going on with Shilpa’s hair, and we sternly condemn Christopher’s orange-and-brown argyle sweater. Nonetheless, they look radiant and in love. It’s hard not to root for these two.
The Case Against:
- There’s a family-pedigree imbalance here. She’s the daughter of a radiologist and a pediatrician; he’s the son of an optometrist, which is one of those doctor-but-not-really categories, like podiatrist. Let’s hope the real doctors were nice to Dr. Larson at the reception.
- Christopher is the political director of a PAC established by George Pataki, who is widely admired for being very tall. It’s commonly known that height is positively correlated with electoral success. The only plausible conclusion: We’re looking at the Turd Blossom of a future Pataki administration.
3. Anne Robinson and Kevin Moriarty
(Buy them a stockpot.)
- Anne is Duke/Harvard; Kevin is Princeton/NYU. No blemishes there!
- They’re cute. LEWW wants to pinch their cheeks. And their eyebrows are lined up perfectly, per the NYT’s instructions.
- Our sources tell us that Kevin recently clerked for judicial diva and SCOTUS also-ran Edith Brown Clement. Impressive!
- The following law firm names appear in this write-up: Latham, Watkins, Pillsbury, Winthrop, Shaw, Pittman, Wilmer, Cutler, Pickering, Hale, & Dorr. We got a little choked-up just typing that.
The case against:
- These lovers’ names have some unfortunate associations. Anne Robinson is the name of that awful English woman from The Weakest Link (who had to apologize for being, of all things, anti-Welsh!). As for Kevin, we can only say, “You’ve a magnificent brain, Moriarty. I admire it. I’d like to present it pickled in alcohol to the London Medical Society.”
- Perhaps it’s unfair to pick on Anne and Kevin for this, but the Times’ weird conventions for referring to law firms are driving us crazy. The world needs to know: What distinguishes “a law firm” from “the law firm”? When it comes to New York, the Times seems to have a basic system down. Firms that interview at top-10 schools are crowned with that reverent “the,” while all other firms get the vague and dismissive “a.” Hence:
But outside New York, all hell breaks loose:
Dow Lohnes: “the Washington law firm”
Arnold & Porter: “a Washington law firm”
Steptoe & Johnson: “the Washington law firm”
Hogan & Hartson: “a Washington law firm”
Bingham McCutchen: “a Boston law firm”
Goodwin Procter: “the Boston law firm”
Sidley Austin: “the Chicago law firm”
Jenner & Block: “a Chicago law firm”
Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher: “a Los Angeles law firm”
O’Melveny & Myers: “the Los Angeles law firm”
We’re all about the amplification of trivial distinctions into major status fetishes, but it spoils the fun if nobody can decipher the system. Please make your policy clearer, Times editors, and give O’Melveny associates the bliss of knowing exactly why they’re looking down on Gibson associates!
4. Melissa Epstein and Jason Mills
- Melissa and Jason met in Iraq while they were both Marine prosecutors. Their story is so adorable that the NYT devotes extra space to how they shlepped around Al Anbar Province together, courting and court-martialing.
- This pairing has broad ideological appeal. They met while serving their country (Rush Limbaugh whoops!). But what really brought them together was bonding over their shared liberal values (Barbra Streisand does the wave!). In a whopping understatement, Melissa notes that progressive politics are “not the norm in the Marine corps.”
- Since leaving active duty, these soldiers of love been putting their frontline experience to good use at prestigious law firms: She’s at Gibson Dunn and he’s at Morgan Lewis.
The Case Against:
- One of their shared interests is “food.” Not cooking, not “cuisine,” just “food.” (Fortunately, they both also enjoy “exercising.”)
5. Sara Galvan and Luke Bronin
(Their W-S list is bought-out, but you can still get them something from their booze registry.)
- Short of Olympic gold medals, this couple could not have more awe-inspiring credentials. They met the summer before they both left for Oxford as Rhodes Scholars. After falling in love in the city of dreaming spires, they descended upon New Haven for twin JDs from Yale.
- When Luke broke his kneecap in a bicycle accident their first year at Oxford, Sara wooed the invalid by bringing him “food and other necessities.” It’s not exactly Gaudy Night, but it’s sweet. Says Luke of his bride, “She’s tough, she’s feisty, she’s fun. I just love her.” And so do we!
The Case Against:
- Most of the Rhodes Scholars we knew in law school were busily jockying for position in each others’ Cabinets. Rhodies without SCOTUS clerkships were regarded as embarrassing flameouts. So we’re a little perplexed by these lovebirds’ lackluster post-Yale pursuits. Luke is now a lawyer at the Hartford, “the Connecticut insurance company.” Sara is a research professor of law at the University of Connecticut and doing something involving real estate in New Haven. What, is there no more prestigious stuff to apply for? Don’t go all Remembering Denny on us, kids.