Aquagirl, Biglaw, Summer Associates

The X-Summers: Submissions, Please

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At your suggestion, we’re putting together a compendium of juicy summer associate tales — the most funny or amusing stories, about the most colorful summer associates of all time. Inspired by Aquagirl, one of the greatest of them all, we’re organizing them around a theme:

SUPERHEROES!!!

Move over, X-Men. Make way for the X-Summers!
Please send us your submissions by email (subject line: “X-Summer”). It would be helpful to us if you try to conform your submissions to the template we’re planning to use, which contains fields for all the relevant information. For example:
1. Superhero name: The Jack-Sh*tter (real name: Jonas Blank*)
2. Special power: The ability to waste hundreds of hours of billable time.
3. Summered: Skadden Arps, summer 2003
4. Claim to fame: Meant to send an email to one friend, but instead sent it to Skadden’s entire underwriting group (partners included). That email read:

“I’m busy doing jack shit. Went to a nice 2hr sushi lunch today at Sushi Zen. Nice place. Spent the rest of the day typing emails and bullshitting with people. Unfortunately, I actually have work to do — I’m on some corp finance deal, under the global head of corp finance, which means I should really peruse these materials and not be a fuckup…”

“So yeah, Corporate Love hasn’t worn off yet… But just give me time…”

In the words of the New Yorker: OOPS.
5. What happened to him: At the direction of recruiting, Jonas Blank “wr[ote] an apology to the forty or so attorneys who had already opened the e-mail.” He received an offer from Skadden and worked there for several years, before leaving for a smaller firm.
Update: We added that last field after the fact. Thanks for the suggestion.
We look forward to your submissions, which you can send in by email. Thanks in advance!
* Generally we don’t reveal the names of people involved in embarrassing or tawdry situations. This is why Aquagirl is Aquagirl, or the Katten Kreep is the Katten Kreep.
But this general rule is subject to some exceptions. One is if the person’s name has already been published in an MSM publication — in Jonas Blank’s case, The New Yorker.

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