Harvard, Sex, Summer Associates, Weirdness

X-Summers: The Vanimal

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You know the drill. We’re still taking summer associate stories; if you have one to share, please review our submission guidelines, and then email us.
Here’s the latest:
1. Superhero name: The Vanimal
2. Special power(s): Ridiculous self-aggrandizement; creeping out female colleagues; writing erotic correspondence.
3. Summered: Balch & Bingham, “several summers back.”
4. Claim to fame: From our tipster:

“The Vanimal was an odd duck from [law school redacted] who liked to talk about himself in the third person and refer to himself as ‘The Vanimal.’ E.g., ‘the Vanimal doesn’t drink’ — which was pretty out of place at a traditional southern firm. [Ed. note: The origins of this bizarre ‘Vanimal’ moniker will have to remain obscure; to say more would risk revealing his identity.]

“In addition to calling himself the Vanimal and speaking in the third person, he would make a V with his fingers — like a peace sign, but palm inwards — which he held up while he talked.”

You’re dying to find out what the erotica writing is about, right?
Find out, after the jump.


More from our source:

“The Vanimal frequently spoke of his significant other, who ‘went to Harvard.’ Every mention of her was always accompanied by this tidbit. Of course, the Harvardian girlfriend didn’t stop the Vanimal from being incredibly creepy towards all of the female summers and young associates. For example, one day he had flowers delivered to every female SA…”

“The mystery Harvard woman made an appearance later in the summer. Of course, the only thing anyone really knew about her was that she went to Harvard — so they used that as what they thought would be a great icebreaker.”

“When asked (multiple times) about her time at Harvard, the girlfriend explained that yes, she was a Harvard student. What was she studying? Oh, she wasn’t a full-time student or anything — she was just taking a night class in erotic poetry.”

Maybe “The Vanimal” could have used some erotica-writing classes himself:

“The final incident with the Vanimal actually occurred after he had left the firm. Before his departure, he wrote his erotic-poetry-studying SO a sex letter, on law firm letterhead, and mailed it to her in a firm envelope. Nowhere on the outside did he indicate who the letter was from at the firm.”

“Unfortunately, the kid mis-addressed the letter, and it was returned to the firm. The mailroom employees opened it, saw the signature, and forwarded it to the hiring partner at the time.”

“The hiring partner was stunned. His reaction included such comments as ‘I’ve been married for ten years and didn’t think I was old enough to be reading it,” and ‘You’d think if she was studying erotic poetry, he could have started the letter with something better than ‘I’m so horny…'”

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5. What happened to him: “Needless to say, The Vanimal was not asked back to the firm.”
The usual rules apply: please do NOT name this former SA, or speculate about his identity, in the comments. Thanks.
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of summer associates (scroll down)

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