Unless you’ve always wanted an Australian accent. From the Telegraph:
A New Zealand man who claimed he was raped by a wombat and that the experience left him speaking with an Australian accent has been found guilty of wasting police time.
Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.
Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.
“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”
Wombats are very considerate; they use lots of lube. We learned that on Animal Planet.
[Cradock] pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work….
Wombats are native to Australia and are not found in New Zealand. Although powerfully built and about the size of a small pig, they are very rarely dangerous. There are three species: the widely distributed common wombat and the much rarer southern and northern hairy-nosed wombats.
We don’t know if there are many public defenders regularly reading ATL. For those who do, we salute you for putting up with clients like this one:
Earlier this year, burglary and rape suspect Joshua Beadle got himself into deeper trouble by spitting at the judge.
This week, while shackled and outfitted in a special hooded spit mask, he talked himself into nearly two years in jail after threatening to kill Criminal Court Judge Lee Coffee.
“You mark my word, Judge Coffee,” Beadle shouted as he was led from the courtroom to a holding area. “I promise you, Lee Coffee, I’ll kill you and cut your (expletive) head off.”
The incident occurred Monday after a hearing in which his appointed attorney, Greg Carman, had asked to be removed from the case because Beadle had threatened to kill him earlier this month.
Generally, threatening to kill people is not the most effective technique for getting your way. Death threats against judges: not cool and not protected speech (when it comes to federal judges).
The following sequence reminds us of a parent reprimanding a little boy:
When Beadle, 23, continued talking after the judge ordered him to be silent, Coffee threatened to hold him in contempt for every word he uttered.
Beadle ignored the judge’s admonishment, said everyone was treating him as if he were stupid and then began making threats to the judge.
Coffee stopped counting at 70 words and held Beadle in contempt for 10 days per word for a total of 700 days in jail.
Did Beadle consider holding his breath until the court would take him seriously?
At least he’s courteous to court clerks:
In January, Beadle spit toward the judge, but instead hit a court clerk’s computer. Through his nylon-and-mesh spit mask, he apologized to the clerk on Monday and assured her that his intended target was the judge.
We have a strange obsession with Linda Greenhouse, the Supreme Court correspondent for the New York Times. When we spotted her recently at Jennifer 8. Lee’s D.C. book talk for The Fortune Cookie Chronicles, we practically leapt out of our seats in excitement. [FN1]
If you’re a fellow LG groupie, and if you’re at Yale Law School, here’s some good news. As one tipster excitedly chirped to us, “Linda Greenhouse is going to be a Yale Law sort-of-professor!” From the Yale Daily News:
After 30 years covering the Supreme Court for The New York Times, Pulitzer Prize-winner Linda Greenhouse will take a new post as a journalist-in-residence and senior fellow at Yale Law School starting next January, the Law School announced Wednesday.
Greenhouse, who accepted a buyout from The Times last month, will return to the law school from which she earned a Master of Studies in Law degree in 1978 to conduct her own research and give lectures and seminars, although it is not yet clear whether she will teach a formal course. She will also be involved with the Law School’s Supreme Court Clinic and will help pioneer its new Law and Media Program.
More details in the YLS press release. Surely this can only help Yale maintain its sizable lead over #2 Harvard and Stanford in the U.S. News rankings. (Yale has an overall score of 100, with Harvard and Stanford almost ten points behind, at 91.)
As you may recall, Linda Greenhouse received a cool $300K in her Times buyout. It’s a pittance compared to Biglaw bucks, but a princely sum in the world of journalism.
And now Greenhouse will be supplementing this with a draw on the well-endowed coffers of YLS — we’re guessing low six-figures (for what doesn’t sound like very much work). She’ll probably begin work on another book, too, for which she can expect a good-sized advance. Her last book, Becoming Justice Blackmun, was a national bestseller.
Linda Greenhouse to Linda Greenbacks!
[FN1] The use of “we” is especially appropriate here because Kash and I attended this reading together. Yale Law School nabs Linda Greenhouse after Times departure [Yale Daily News] Linda Greenhouse Returning To Yale Law School in 2009 as Journalist-in-Residence [Yale Law School]
So far, almost 1,000 ballots have been cast in this week’s ATL / Lateral Link survey on where you’d most want to work, and it’s clear that some firms are trying to win those votes.
Front-runner Latham has announced a “no layoffs” promise, and Ropes & Gray has upped the ante on the cool factor with revelations of card sharking partners. Speaking of cool, let’s not forget that Quinn Emanuel’s firm retreat is in Switzerland. Switzerland.
But while the firms work the vote, how do they work you? Are your assignments handed out by a careful administrator, or overseen by a mentor? Or is there a free market where you choose your own adventure?
Let’s find out, in today’s ATL / Lateral Link survey. Update: This survey is now closed. Click here for the results.
– Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this survey.
Disney World is one of those places that’s magical through the eyes of a 5-year-old, but the realization of one of Dante’s circles for adults. The long waits, the overpriced tickets and food, the body odor of foreign tourists, and the fear of being viciously attacked for cutting in line:
Aimee Krause says Victoria Walker accused her of cutting into the line at the Mad Tea Cup ride last year at Disney World, MyFOXOrlando reports.
Walker, an Alabama native, could face 15 years behind bars if convicted of battery with a deadly weapon.
Krause has now filed additional charges claiming her children were also attacked.
“She came from behind just screaming,” Krause told MyFOXOrlando. “Next thing I knew she kicked me in my left leg, threw me to the ground and at that point I was pinned between the teacup and the saucer and she continued to beat up on my body.”
In the incident report, Krause claimed Walker tried to choke her with a lanyard she wore to hold water bottles around her neck, MyFOXOrlando reports.
* Clear Channel and private equity firms sue banks they claim are balking on financing their buyout deal; injunctive relief secured. [WSJ Law Blog; AP]
* Lilly settles Zyprexa litigation with Alaska. [New York Times]
* SCOTUS considers pro se rights. [Washington Post]
* Did KPMG “enable” New Century’s collapse? [New York Times]
* Federal indictment: congressmen allegedly traveled to Iraq on Saddam’s dime. [CNN]
* Homeowners protest Bear Sterns bailout. [MSNBC]
* Claim filed by family of woman who died in airport police custody. [CNN]
A few more firms have joined the 18 Week Club. New and improved parental leave policies, from WilmerHale and O’Melveny & Myers, appear after the jump.
We admit we can be a little idiosyncratic in terms of which firms’ announcements we highlight. For more comprehensive information, check out Justin Bernold’s handy-dandy, continually updated tables of maternity leave and paternity leave policies at different firms.
* Not as coveted as Miley Cyrus tickets, but some people will pay good money for access to a Supreme Court oral argument. Is this kosher? [Rumors Daily]
* Would you take tax advice from Wesley Snipes? If so, drop by “New Tax City” for a free consultation. [News Groper]
* Supreme Court Fantasy League? Sounds like fun to us. Dibs on Nino! [Southern Appeal]
* Kinda contrarian, which may explain why we like it: a defense of commercial outlines, by Professor Dan Markel Eric Johnson. [PrawfsBlawg]
* “All I was going to do was talk. It wasn’t for sex. I am 93, you know.” [Tampa Bay Online]
* High-profile Miami attorney Ben Kuehne, previously discussed here, lashes back against the government. [Daily Business Review]
We reported yesterday about the University of Chicago Law School cutting off access to ATL internet in the classroom. A University of Chicago student sent along the e-mail from Dean Saul Levmore explaining the anti-internet policy, and said that we “should absolutely post the full text of Levmore’s asinine email.”
Check it out in its entirety after the jump. Here’s an excerpt:
Few things should be as important to our community as regaining and establishing our common sense that the classroom should be a place for learning and interaction. Visitors to classes, as well as many of our students, report that the rate of distracting Internet usage during class is astounding.
Remarkably, usage appears to be contagious, if not epidemic. Several observers have reported that one student will visit a gossip site or shop for shoes, and within twenty minutes an entire row is shoe shopping. Half the time a student is called on, the question needs to be repeated. I confess that as I have researched this subject, I have been made aware how offensive it often is when phone calls are taken in public and when Blackberry and other e-mail devices are consulted during meetings. I have promised myself that I will no longer check my Blackberry under the table at University meetings.
So tempted to shoe shop… Must finish blog post… We wonder how long Dean Levmore will keep his Blackberry promise. It reminds us of the Seinfeld “master of my domain” episode. How long can he hold out? Anyone want to make a wager? What’s the over / under?
(Poor Dean Levmore, by the way, is also taking flak for Chicago’s drop — just from #6 to #7, but some commenters are apoplectic — in the latest U.S. News law school rankings.)
Results of our poll, plus selected reader comments and the full text of Dean Levmore’s message, after the jump.
Kinney Recruiting’sEvan Jowers is currently in Hong Kong for client meetings and still has a few slots available through October 22. Evan will also be in Hong Kong November 14 to December 15. Further, Robert Kinney has been in Frankfurt and Munich this week and is available for meetings with our Germany based readers.
One of our key law firm clients has referred us to one of their important clients in the US, Europe and China – a leading global technology supplier for the auto industry – in order to handle their search for a new Asia General Counsel and Asia Chief Compliance Officer.
Kinney is exclusively handling this in-house search.
This position will have a lot of responsibility and include supervision of eight attorneys underneath them in the Asia in-house team. The new hire will report directly to the global general counsel and global chief compliance officer, who is based in the US. The new hire’s ability to make judgement calls is going to be as important as their technical skill set background.
The position is based in Shanghai and will deal with the company’s operations all over Asia and also in India, including frequent acquisitions in the region.
It is expected that the new hire will come from a top US firm’s Shanghai, Beijing or Hong Kong offices, currently in a top flight corporate practice at the senior associate, counsel or partner level. Of course, the candidate can be currently in a relevant in-house role.
It’s the legal profession’s equivalent of a long-term relationship.
When Michelle Waites, Senior Patent Counsel for Xerox Corporation, attended The LGBT Bar’s Lavender Law conference several years ago, she wasn’t sure what to expect. She left having forged a lasting business relationship that still endures today.
It was during The LGBT Bar’s event – an annual gathering of more than 1,600 lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied legal professionals – that Waites first met Marla Butler, a partner at Robins, Kaplan, Miller & Ciresi LLP, who specializes in patent law.
Today, the two are still close friends as well as professional colleagues. Butler’s firm continues to work with Xerox – a business partnership forged via The LGBT Bar.
On November 19th, The Bar will present its first-ever conference outside the United States. Dubbed “A Lavender Law Experience for Europe,” the day-long Business Legal Conference will replicate programs such as the one that brought Waites and Butler together for legal professionals in Europe.
The JOBS Act created new tools for companies to publicly advertise securities deals online. As a result, thousands of new deals have hit the market and hundreds of millions in capital has been raised, spurring a wealth of new business development opportunities for attorneys.
Fund deals, startup capital raises, PIPE deals and loan syndicates are just a handful of the transactions benefiting from the JOBS Act. InvestorID FirmTM is a platform designed to help attorneys equip their clients with the workflow, marketing and compliance tools to publicly solicit a securities offering online. By providing clients with the tools to painlessly navigate the regulatory landscape of general solicitation, InvestorID FirmTM helps attorneys add value above just legal services.
The Jumpstart Our Business Startups Act (JOBS Act) went into effect in 2013 and permits Regulation D offerings of securities to be advertised publicly. This means that funds and companies can now use social media, emails and web sites to market transactions to new “accredited” investors.
However, with these new powers come new pain points. InvestorID FirmTM provides a secure, fully hosted, cloud-based platform with a breadth of tools for your clients, including: