Email Scandals, Law Schools, Vicious Infighting

The Voracious Wolverine

wolverine in the wilderness.jpgMichigan people, I feel your pain. The seven fumble loss to “The School That God Built, Then Abandoned” was terrible. You guys are trying to enjoy these last days of summer before the arctic wind sends you into underground bunkers. And clearly, you can’t lend out a cell phone/ask for your cell phone back without getting dragged into a heated exchange that is mocked by all.

I understand how in that environment petty slights can turn into glorious insults. You demand satisfaction! But you justice seekers might want to turn somewhere other than the University of Michigan’s law school list-serv. The following email was sent by a 1L who has been on campus for approximately 11 minutes and 6 seconds:

Dear Student Body,

Whoever the SLEAZE is who likes taking people’s lunches (in particular, 1/2’s of subway sandwiches bought on one day and saved for the next) from the refrigerator in the student lounge, STOP. In case you aren’t aware, it’s stealing. Perhaps you’re practicing for a career in corporate law, but law school isn’t the place to practice this particular skill. Also, in case you aren’t aware, here are a few reasons not to do this:

1) Stealing lunches erodes collegiality among the student body.

2) Stealing lunches inconveniences the person from whom you steal by forcing them to go get lunch elsewhere, thereby wasting time and resources.

3) Stealing lunches can cause an additional inconvenience with having to buy lunch elsewhere. For most of us, the couple dollar loss isn’t really the issue, but imagine not having your wallet with you on a day when someone has stolen your lunch? You must either do without or seek out somebody to borrow from, both of which are annoying.

If you’re really so poor you can’t afford lunch, the law school will provide you with an emergency loan. If you’re just a sleaze, either take an ethics class or come talk to me.

Well allow me to retort.

1) I once got robbed and to make myself feel better, I called it “sharing” instead of “stealing.”

2) Isn’t forcing someone to get their lunch somewhere other than Subway kind of a good thing?

3) Not having your wallet? The only guys I know that don’t carry around their wallet whenever they leave the house are super rich or homeless. Which one are you?

The rest of the maize and blue electronically punch this guy after the jump.

Some students had sympathy for the hungry 1L:

I totally agree with the sentiment but just want to add that we should all be aware that it is not just law students who have access to the student lounge. During the day it is open to practically anyone off the street.

I guess the optimistic side of me hopes no one in the student body would intentionally takes another person’s sandwich.

When I lived on the street I would often steal into local law schools looking for half-eaten lunches.

Michgan security device.JPGAnother student simply linked to this marvelous invention that magically changes your law school leftovers into your college leftovers.

But one student really turned on some famed Midwestern charm to definitively address the issue:

Hi [Redacted],

First and foremost, i’m sorry to hear that you lost your subway sandwiches. i don’t think anybody likes it when something is taken from them. i may be wrong about that, but i’m pretty sure.

However, i don’t think that the lsorgevents listserv is the proper forum to voice this issue (barring permission from someone to use it). i don’t know the circumstances that surround this issue, meaning whether other people’s lunches have been taken, whether it’s just yours and it’s happened on multiple occasions, or whether this is the first time this has happened. Whatever the circumstance may be, if you feel that you need to voice your concerns about this matter, there are other forums available to you, such as lawopen. Lawopen is always happy to listen to your, as well as everyone’s, thoughts.

i say this [Redacted], because i feel that the student body is very much aware that stealing is wrong. Again, i may be wrong, but i’m almost positive that i’m not. So i feel that a lecture (for lack of a better term) on stealing is not necessary, and maybe inappropriate. i say inappropriate because in informing us on stealing, you appear to bad mouth those going into corporate. Or rather, you appear to shine the corporate sector in a negative light. This is probably not a good idea, considering that you have peers who are, or will be going into the corporate sector. Now, i am personally not one of those, but there are some out there. And i believe that it would probably not be a good idea to infer that those entering the corporate setting are more likely to steal lunches from the fridge. It’s just my guess.

Also, if you are worried about the collegial environment of our school (i assume so as it was listed as your #1 reason), then i can assure you that you have nothing to fear. During my time here at MLS, i have always found everyone to be on the same page, regarding this matter. i have yet to meet someone who “jeopardize” this matter. In fact, it seems everyone i meet only enhances our collegial environment. It’s probably one of many reasons we distinguish ourselves from other law schools. i know that if my lunch was stolen, i could rely on a lot of people (not just my close friends) to help me out without asking for a favor in return. But this is just my experience.

Again [Redacted], i’m truly sorry that you lost your sandwiches. If this happens again, i’d notify our deans of the problem. They would provide a remedy to the situation. Also, if it happens again, i wouldn’t mind spotting you for lunch. FYI, subway is one of my favorite restaurants.

All the best,

Even though there is no game this weekend, I’ll be happy to workshop additional ways to achieve better fridge security with all the Michigan Law alums at Professor Thom’s this weekend.

(hidden for your protection)

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