Women Expect Too Much Empathy From Female Partners

The debate over the merits (or demerits) of having a female boss is a perennial one. Well, maybe not perennial, but has been going strong in recent decades since skirt suits on bosses have become the norm.
The American Lawyer sticks its toe in the perilous gender waters in an article in this month’s issue: The End of Sisterhood. In its sure-to-make-you-angry-if-you’re-XX intro, Vivia Chen says that female partners, counsel, associates, and staff attorneys are talking about gender equality while bonding over “sushi, cosmos, and the occasional mani/pedi treatment.”
After they imbibe too many cosmos though and the truth starts flowing, things might get a bit uncomfortable:

[S]cratch the surface a bit deeper, and some members of the sorority tell another story: that women–particularly their immediate superiors–can be their worst tormentors. Fact is, despite the veneer of harmony and the decades of shared struggle, there’s tension on the women’s front. Talk to any group of women lawyers, and there will be plenty of war stories on the betrayals–real or perceived–that they have experienced at the hands of other women.

Sounds promising, right? But there are no juicy cat fights in the story. Just statistics. If you have stories, feel free to share in the comments.
After the jump, we’ll tell you more about why women don’t like working for other women.


The article says that in an American Bar Association survey from last year, a majority of 1,400 female lawyers under 40 said they preferred working for dudes. The reason? Men are better at giving constructive criticism and keeping confidences.
The article says there’s more to it than that though:

Women expect other women to be more empathetic and nicer–or at least hope they’ll be. When their women bosses aren’t, some women feel betrayed. And that betrayal can feel especially sharp and personal coming from someone who shares XX chromosomes.

To translate: ladies, don’t expect your female colleagues to be nurturers. And stop getting mani/pedis together, says Chen.

A good starting point would be to lower expectations. In fact, those cozy after-work gatherings might be promoting a false sense of intimacy that belies the inevitable tensions of a work relationship.

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Female readers, feel free to lambaste Kash for stirring up the gender waters with this article. She won’t feel betrayed.
The End of Sisterhood [American Lawyer]

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