Predictably, I used to play Dungeons & Dragons in high school. Just as predictably, I didn’t lose my virginity until I stopped. It’s an established fact that Dungeons & Dragons is a bigger threat to human reproduction than all the gay marriages in the world.
But I did not know until this day that D&D could also pose a security risk. A Wisconsin prisoner, Kevin T. Singer, sued Wisconsin’s Waupun Correctional Institution after the guards confiscated his D&D materials.
Why did the prison guards take away this guy’s D&D paraphernalia? I’ll let Judge John Tinder of the Seventh Circuit explain:
Waupun’s long-serving Disruptive Group Coordinator, Captain Bruce Muraski, received an anonymous letter from an inmate. The letter expressed concern that Singer and three other inmates were forming a D&D gang and were trying to recruit others to join by passing around their D&D publications and touting the “rush” they got from playing the game. Muraski, Waupun’s expert on gang activity, decided to heed the letter’s advice and “check into this gang before it gets out of hand.”
A gang? A gang that needs to be checked? I’ve never been to prison, but I have watched Oz. I’m forced to believe one of two things: (a) any D&D “gang” member would find themselves tossing salads faster than you can say “saving throw against horrific prison justice … fails,” or (b) if you could beat up the D&D kids in your high school, then you can go to Wisconsin, commit violent crimes with impunity, get sent to prison and live like a God.
Singer sued the prison for violating his First Amendment rights. The district court ruled with the correctional facility on summary judgment, and the Seventh Circuit affirmed.
Does that mean we get to hear the Seventh Circuit argue that D&D is gang-like? Yes it does. Will that be hilarious? More fun than hacking through an encampment of goblins with a dwarven ax of immolation.
Details after the jump.
Singer collected the affidavits of numerous prisoners and statements by three role playing game “experts” (i.e., eunuchs), who all stated that that Dungeons & Dragons is not a gang. The prison had the testimony of Captain Bruce Muraski, a gang specialist. His testimony makes me wish that we had better gang specialists:
[Muraski] explained that the policy was intended to promote prison security because cooperative games can mimic the organization of gangs and lead to the actual development thereof. Muraski elaborated that during D&D games, one player is denoted the “Dungeon Master.” The Dungeon Master is tasked with giving directions to other players, which Muraski testified mimics the organization of a gang. At bottom, his testimony about this policy aim highlighted Waupun’s worries about cooperative activity among inmates, particularly that carried out in an organized, hierarchical fashion.
Look, I know the title “dungeon master” sounds scary and important. But don’t let the words confuse you. We’re talking about a guy who sits around all day drawing maps and debating whether a cloak of anti-venom can protect you from a fictional rat bite. (Note: It can’t, rats have diseases, anti-venom contemplates poisons, those are two completely different things. Please don’t tell my wife about this.)
But, the Seventh Circuit bought Muraski’s logic:
Singer maintains that his fifteen affiants delivered compelling testimony challenging Muraski’s assertion that D&D could promote gang-related activity. His eleven inmate affiants–who collectively served over 100 years in prison–all testified that they had never heard of any gang-related or other violent activity associated with D&D gameplay or paraphernalia. In Singer’s view, this testimony adequately rebuts Muraski’s testimony that D&D gameplay mimics the organization of a gang and as a consequence could lead to gang behavior. In our view, it does not.
Okay, 11 people who have been in prison for a hundred years say that linking D&D to gang behavior is ridiculous. In response, the court ignores them on the “silly criminals” theory of jurisprudence:
The question is not whether D&D has led to gang behavior in the past; the prison officials concede that it has not. The question is whether the prison officials are rational in their belief that, if left unchecked, D&D could lead to gang behavior among inmates and undermine prison security in the future. Singer’s affiants demonstrate significant personal knowledge about D&D’s rules and gameplay, and offer their own assessments that D&D does not lead to gang
behavior, but they lack the qualifications necessary to determine whether the relationship between the D&D ban and the maintenance of prison security is “so remote as to render the policy arbitrary or irrational.” …
(Of course, many of Singer’s affiants are present or former inmates, but their experiential “expertise” in prison security is from the wrong side of the bars and fails to match Muraski’s perspective.) The expertise critical here is that relating to prisons, their security, and the prevention of prison gang activity. Singer’s affiants conspicuously lack such expertise.
The Seventh Circuit conspicuously lacks the expertise in Dungeons & Dragons or role-playing games, but they get to wear the robes. I just hope they’re happy when, stripped of their D&D responsibilities, Singer and his merry band of players join the Nation of Islam, become radicalized, and trade in their multi-sided dice for singled-edged blades.
I mean, let’s be clear, it’s not like Singer is a peaceful man. Singer is in jail on a life sentence for first degree murder. He killed his sister’s boyfriend with a sledgehammer (and now you see why I suggested that Singer probably plays a Dwarf, warrior class). If he’s found an outlet for some of his more violent tenancies, isn’t that a good thing?
The court says that it is not a good thing, not necessarily:
While Cardwell and his other affiants, including a literacy tutor and a role-playing game analyst, testified to a positive relationship between D&D and rehabilitation, none disputed or even acknowledged the prison officials’ assertions that there are valid reasons to fear a relationship running in the opposite direction. The prison officials pointed to a few published circuit court cases to give traction to their views. We view these cases as persuasive evidence that for some individuals, games like D&D can impede rehabilitation, lead to escapist tendencies, or result in more dire consequences.
More dire consequences than what, precisely? He’s already beaten somebody to death with a freaking sledgehammer; what the hell else can he do?
Sorry, obviously, this is where my bleeding heart gets the best of me. Because all this is about is punishment. It’s not about rehabilitation, it’s not about security, it’s about old-school vengeance carried out by state actors. He killed somebody, and we as a society found something else he liked that we can take away. So we’re going to take it away. It’s Christopher Lloyd playing a Klingon in Star Trek 3 telling Kirk he won’t beam up Spock “because you wish it.”
I guess that is our right. I guess there is no compelling interest in making the life imprisonment of a murderer a little less horrible. But vengeance, even when legal, is still ugly. The Seventh Circuit just made a Lawful Evil decision here.
Singer v. Raemisch [U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit (PDF)]
Game Over: Inmate Can’t Play Dungeons & Dragons [New York Times]
I am firsty, SO VERY FIRSTY :)
It’s a pity that Susana Dokupil outgrew her passion for D&D. Had she kept on that track, perhaps she would have spared the world of her spawn.
I thought the 10/10 Flying Walrus was limited to Magic cards, but I’m glad to know they had them in D&D, too.
Posts about losing virginity in high school should not be authored by Elie. Please?
What happened to Dopukil and Roxanna? Canning writers in this economic environment? Good for you ATL!
All the cool kids lost their virginity in middle school. Loser.
Also, if I ever go to prison, I’m certainly not playing games. I’m going in solitary for my entire bid, where I can sit there and read books and not get butt raped.
GULC=TTT
-WCL 3L
Elie lost his virginity?
Predictably, I don’t know how to properly use the word “predictably.”
But at least I did my part to mix in a little gay marriage propaganda for no good reason.
P.S. Watch out for those “rate bites,” I hear the Fed can be a bitch.
HLS SECURE
I wish Kash would weigh in with her thoughts, from the sorta hot chick perspective, on the desirability of guys who play D&D.
Elie, I loved this article, and I appreciate your law school bashing, but come on, shouldn’t a nerd who plays D&D know the difference between “whether” and “weather”?
“…debating *weather* a cloak of anti-venom can protect you from a fictional rate bite.”
“weather a cloak of anti-venom can protect you from a fictional rate bite”
Classic.
I actually thought Elie displayed some humor in this post. Well done.
“But don’t let the words confuse you. We’re talking about a guy who sits around all day drawing maps and debating weather a cloak of anti-venom can protect you from a fictional rate bite.”
I think you mean “rat” – not “rate” – in addition to the forementioned “weather” and “whether.”
HTH
Elie aside, I thought playing D&D was a symptom/pathway to dropping out of school, founding your own software company, and becoming a billionaire. If it were a way to organize a gang to bully others in the community, our high schools would be much different places.
Unfrakinbelievable. For years gamers have had to fight the perception that they were worshiping Satan. Now we’re gang members like a Blood or Crip.
Mystal doesn’t know weather the whether will cooperate.
and now she doesn’t get to go to the Seven Sisters college of her choice.
He was playing D&D and he was on the football team?
Seriously, this is some messed up junk.
“His eleven inmate affiants”
At first I read that as “elven inmate affiants” and I thought WTF. Not a single one is a dwarf? That must be like the wimpiest gang ever. But I guess there’s always the fear of poison or magic.
Whether the weather is cold
Whether the weather is hot
We’ll be together
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not
My 12th level Paladin will sooooooo cast an Inflict Light Wounds spell on the guard who harshed our last adventure.
Obviously Elie never went to a gaming con to score with gamer chicks.
Prisons would be a lot less violent if they let the prisoners do LARP with the foam padded swords and hammers.
18. Yep. Though in fairness, I didn’t talk about fireballs with football players and I didn’t talk A-gap responsibility with my D&D friends.
LEADING A DOUBLE LIFE SECURE
–Elie
mystal, what is your THACO?
- DUNGEON MASTER SECURE
Elie, Harvard wants its degrees back.
The guard confiscated the stuff because this guy was a NERD!
NERDS NERDS NERDS NERDS NERDS NERDS!
Elie, is this you? I realize the first name is spelled differently, but maybe you did that to trick people. And the light part is funny, considering, you know …
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/01/26/newspapers-obama-fan-bogus-letter/
Good post Mystal! Very funny and enjoyable. Well done.
Nice work Elie.
Hilarious open, needed a snarf warning. Well done.
Who knows– maybe the game was all about the quest for the legendary Shiv +3, +5 v. Stoolpigeons.
I am a Night Elf Mohawk, suckas!
My new favorite ATL post. Thanks!
My new favorite ATL post. Thanks!
Elie calling out the CA7 for lack of expertise on prison behavior is a little rich.
Over/under on Kash’s age when she lost her virginity?
There are like 3 of you jokers there writing stories more or less full time, and this is the best shit you can come up with, every few hours or so?
41 – n/a
Just when I had almost given up, some gay stuff is mixed in there.
28 seriously it’s THAC0, not THACO. Note the difference.
CHECK YOU SKILL CHALLENGES!
Of my 5-member D&D group from middle/high school, three of us became biglaw lawyers. Not sure whether that is a good or bad thing.
I am a big-law lawyer looking for a D&D group to join. Anyone else out there interested in joining my party?
Hilarious that Elie tries to be snooty about disease/poison, then COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTANDS THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN VENOM AND POISON
Hilarious that Elie tries to be snooty about disease/poison/venom, then COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTANDS AND CONFLATES VENOM AND POISON
Elie’s.Best.Post.Ever
Screw your harshing on D&D players. I lost my virginity in the middle of a D&D session!
51 – dead on. Great work for once, MysTTTal.
16 – They should have gone the route of proclaiming D&D a religion, as claimed by all of the religious nuts. Then, the case goes the other way.
Fwiw, I married my dungeon master. He’s a really great guy. We have two awesome little boys who are just about old enough to be introduced to the joys of polyhedral dice and shared adventures. (Interestingly, they have a cooperative story they have been telling each other for over a year now, which they call “Stuffed Animal World” – my older son tells the story and his little brother gets to decide what his characters and so forth are doing. We’re thinking the eldest will make a fabulous GM someday….
(so much for the D&D = no sex/reproduction concept..)
I got my first hummer from a chick I met playing D&D and the hottest girl I know (lithe, sexy smart and a perfect ass) is someone I met at a local get together for an MMORPG. By the way, the gal who gave me the hummer is now a rheumatologist and the dungeon master from that group spends more on his car than 2003 Wachtells make in a year thanks to his work at a FPS software gaming co.
if the hottest girl you know is someone you met at a get together for an MMORPG, you must be ugly.
Just finished reading the opinion. It’s ridiculous! The court takes the view that presenting evidence that D&D has not in the past lead to gang activity does not in any way challenge the gang specialist’s view that D&D could lead to gang-like activity. The court then goes on to, rather than deciding whether there IS a rational relationship between the D&D ban and the government’s alleged interests (with the proper inferences due to the summary judgment), allege that the appellant has not challenged the opinion of the expert that there is such a rational relationship. In other words, the court avoids weighing the expert’s testimony against the evidence of the appellant (which is required, with certain inferences) by claiming that the appellant has not challenged the opinion of the expert. In other words, the court claims that the appellant did not challenge the statements of the expert witness (who claimed a rational basis), and he is thus NOT ALLOWED the factual inference that the court must consider in an appeal from summary judgment. This is horrible. Imagine a murder trial:
Witness A (an expert psychologist) gets on the stand and points at the defendant and says that, in his opinion, the defendant hated the victim and was predisposed to kill him. The defendant does not cross-examine the witness for some reason.
Then, the defendant presents evidence, say for example a videotape, showing the defendant 1000 miles away when the murder happened.
The prosecution then moves for summary judgment. The Judge finds for the prosecution, alleging that the defendant did not ‘challenge’ the expert opinion of the psychologist, and thus is not afforded the factual inference, despite the presentation of evidence tending to show his innocence.
The court ignores the underlying issue, whether there IS a rational basis, skirts the factual inference due to summary judgment, and goes on to make arguments not presented at trial. (“After all, punishment is a fundamental aspect of imprisonment, and prisons may choose to punish inmates by preventing them from participating in some of their favorite recreations.”)
I hope they petition for cert on the basis that this paragraph is unconstitutional:
Singer’s burden is not significantly lightened by the procedural strictures of summary judgment, which require us to draw “all justifiable inferences” in his favor, Anderson v. Liberty Lobby, Inc., 477 U.S. 242, 255 (1986), because we must distinguish between inferences relating to disputed facts and those relating to disputed matters of professional judgment, Beard v. Banks, 548 U.S. 521, 530 (2006). Our inferences as to disputed matters of professional judgment are governed by Overton, which mandates deference to the views of prison authorities. See id. (citing Overton, 539 U.S. at 132). “Unless [Singer] can point to sufficient evidence regarding such issues of judgment to allow him to prevail on the merits, he cannot prevail at the summary judgment stage.” Id.
Here, the court claims that the “disputed matters of professional judgment” is whether there is a rational basis, which is the underlying issue. If all the court needs to do to avoid the “procedural strictures of summary judgment,” is have an expert testify that in his “opinion” the underlying legal issue is resolved in the government’s favor, the factual inference has no teeth.
WHAT? Of course D&D is dangerous! Am I the only one who saw this tragedy played out in the compelling drama “Mazes & Monsters”?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084314/
59 = standard of review fail. Rational basis = rubber stamp for the state. Tough burden for sledgehammer killer/RPG enthusiast to meet.
Excellent post, Elie. Really funny in a laughing with you kinda way.
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/petition-sign.cgi?d20d12d8
Please sign this petition to the POTUS to try and review this inhumane ruling.
9th level Barbarian here (Unearthed Arcana anyone?). I recently acquired limited magic skills. I shot my Magic Missile at a Shambling Mound, who turned around and drained half of my hit points by crushing me with his halberd. Unfortunately, a Hill Troll nearby used some psyonics to incinerate my Id while I was attempting to seduce a Drow Elf. Suck it, Gary Gygax!
Excellent article Elie. Those two proficiency slots you spent on reading/writing have served you well.
21 ftw! 54, fu for reminding us all of that line. 23, only anti-paladins can use inflict light wound and even sledge-hammering murderer-DMs wouldn’t sanction that kind of optional PC BS I don’t think. That just wouldn’t be kosher for in a prison setting. Then again, the players themselves are all chaotic evil irl….
“It’s an established fact that Dungeons & Dragons is a bigger threat to human reproduction than all the gay marriages in the world.”
- Right… because relationships that actually can create babies shouldn’t be encouraged while ones that can’t should be… maybe your parents should have used protection.
And, you made the football team? Where? Madden?
Are we be Punk’d here today?!?
@59: Get a life.
Elie raised the spectre of Star Trek in the same post as D&D. Dorkiest… post… evar.
They missed the real threat. If he’d leveled just one more time he could have learned the “real magic.”
“I cast magic missile at the prison guards . . . and at the darkness.”
Terrifying. Thank goodness our courts are protecting us. If this guy rolled a natural 20 he could have taken over the whole place.
Here is a hypothetical question. Would this holding apply to all RPGs? Would the court rule that playing “Star Wars” leads to gang activity?
“These are not the dice you’re looking for.”
But seriously, thank goodness we’re discouraging prisoners from engaging in productive team-building activities. Because nothing is so damaging to rehabilitation as learning to work with others towards common goals.
P.s. I’m a happily engaged Biglaw associate who still plays RPGs every week. Most of the guys in my group are married and about half have children. So, while your post was hilarious, Elie, it is outdated. There are a lot of gamers who don’t fit the old teenager in the basement mold.
There are a lot of things banned in prison’s because they “might” cause trouble. Is it possible that D&D is dangerous? Probably not, but they had a right to ban D&D, he had a right to take legal action against that ban. He did and lost. It’s prison, not a tea party. If he hadn’t taken a sledgehammer to someone’s head he wouldn’t be in this predicament to begin with.
There are a lot of things banned in prison’s because they “might” cause trouble. Is it possible that D&D is dangerous? Probably not, but they had a right to ban D&D, he had a right to take legal action against that ban. He did and lost. It’s prison, not a tea party. If he hadn’t taken a sledgehammer to someone’s head he wouldn’t be in this predicament to begin with.
The prisoner should be grateful the court saved him from eternal damnation and/or suicide. See
http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp
At 3, if you are referring to Leviathan, it’s not a walrus and it doesn’t fly, although it appears to be flying in its picture and is a 10/10. Its class is actually “Leviathan.”
http://www.dacardworld.com/gaming/mtg-5th-edition-single-leviathan-unplayed-nm-mt?utm_source=google&utm_medium=base&utm_campaign=Google_Base#image
Doesn’t D&D involve killing stuff? How was this part of the group activity overlooked? Maybe if the inmates played care bears and rolled for happiness, there would be no threat.
There is a legitimate concern for guards who hear inmates talking about the dwarf he killed yesterday. This kind of thing should be banned in all prisons.
Also, sledgehammer murder = forfeit of life (unless, according to ATL posters, he is Asian, in Philly, and instead of a sledgehammer has a gun and shoots a “meathead”).
If they reacted to D&D like this, I’d love to see the “gang activity” and “disturbing content” reactions to prisoners setting up a World of Darkness campaign.
-
Guard: “Why did you shank Rocky?”
Brujah Clan Inmate: “Bastard is Tzimisce. And a punk.”
Guard: ….
Elie . . . . you can tell us. You’ve got a level 80 Tauren Paladin…don’t you? Oh, you know what I’m talking about. Come see me at Arathi Basin and get pwned so terribly.
This thread needs more comments. ATL needs more dork/nerd crap on its site.
My question is now that you've proven you can make it in the grown-up world (virginity loss, wife gain, this . .. um blog thing that you do and everyone reads . . .) isn't it time to more proudly display your Freak's Flag of Flying? C'mon, elvencloaks are for people not for closets.