How to Run an NCAA Tournament Pool: Tips from Allen & Overy

Here on Above the Law, we’re running our own NCAA Tournament style bracket about the best cities for practicing law. Please don’t forget to vote — your ATL editors have printed out the brackets and somebody is going to make a killing.
But most of you will be filling out brackets for the real NCAA tournament (you can play against the ATL community here: group name: Atlblog, password: abovethelaw). I’ve got some experience running an NCAA bracket. My firm didn’t participate in an office pool, because that would be gambling. And gambling is wrong. Very wrong.
But if my firm had run an NCAA office pool, my officemate and I would have run the thing every year. We would have negotiated the scoring rules and buy-ins with busy partners and chased down money from paralegals and secretaries for weeks. Yes, my officemate and I would have owned the office pool … if it had existed.
At Allen & Overy, one American has taken it upon himself to run the bracket for a firm full of Brits. In my professional opinion, this guy is doing all the right things. For all the people out there participating in an office pool this month, make sure to steal this guy’s outline:

ITS BACK!!!!! Every year it seems we need a distraction right about now and that beloved tradition known as the NCAA basketball tournament somehow seems to fit the bill. Want to earn an abrasive street name? Want to indoctrinate Kevin and Robert by robbing them of a few quid? Here is your chance to win some adoration and transcend the “pyramid model” for a few weeks. Participating in the pool will give you all this and more. …
Traditional legal disclaimers, adjusted slightly, below.

That’s right, there’s an entire “mini prospectus” that should bring Brits and the non-sporting up to speed. It’s info every office should know …


Every person participating in a bracket needs to understand the first disclaimer from the A&O Mini Prospectus:

Everyone is strongly encouraged to participate; it will be the most fun at the office you will have all year. Win some money, brag to your friends.
ALL DECISIONS OF THE CALCULATION AGENT WILL BE FINAL (EVEN IN THE EVENT OF MANIFEST ERROR). AS CALCULATION AGENT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO STRONG-ARM PEOPLE INTO PARTICIPATING. THE CALCULATION AGENT IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, AND CANNOT CONTROL, THE ASSIGNMENT OF “STREET NAMES” THAT OFTEN ACCOMPANIES PARTICIPATION IN THE OFFICE POOL. PARTICIPANTS ARE WARNED THAT ENTRY INTO THE POOL WILL LIKELY SUBJECT YOU TO MOCKERY AND EMBARRASSMENT.
YOU WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY LOSE YOUR MONEY. THE POOL WILL INVARIABLY BE WON BY SOMEONE WHO CARES NOTHING AND KNOWS NOTHING OF COLLEGE BASKETBALL.

So true, I haven’t actually won an NCAA pool since 2003 (thanks be to the honorable Carmelo Anthony). Your pool will most likely be won by somebody who picks based on the attractiveness of the schools’ co-eds or some such nonsense.
The prize pool is sensible: 50% for 1st place, 33% for 2nd place, 17% for 3rd place. You want to keep people with a shot at the money for as long as possible.
The risk factors in the A&O memo are brilliant:

RISK FACTORS
Betting on basketball is wantonly foolish, and you will almost certainly lose your buy-in money
Betting on office pools is possibly the worst form of investment, and the pools are invariably won by persons who spend little or no time filling out that “perfect bracket” and instead pick the teams with recognizable names, or cute mascots, or totally at random…
Persons who know nothing of college basketball might win or finish ahead of you, causing you additional great embarrassment and humiliation in front of your co-workers
Picking a successful NCAA bracket involves much more luck than skill. Previous money-winners have included Borneans who have never heard of college basketball, partners who have assigned juniors to flip coins on their behalf, cats that have picked brackets through random selection, and love-struck associates who have picked on the basis of point guard hunkiness. It is very likely that you will lose to one of these participants, causing you extreme embarrassment and humiliation, and likely affecting the quality of your “street name”.

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Later this evening, I will pick my bracket. Then I will lay out every team seeded 12 or better on a pad and see which ones my dog pees on, and see if I can do better than a canine bladder.

Duke is a perennial underachiever, and participants who pick Duke do so at their own peril
Though it is once again riding high into this year’s tournament, Duke is a perpetual disappointment, and cannot be trusted to perform up to expectations. Persons who pick Duke to progress beyond the Sweet 16 will face dejection and heartache as their beloved Blue Devils fail yet again. Though you may instead resort to the proverbial moral high-road about the integrity of their players and the saintliness of their coach, this will only mask your heartache and will not win sympathy or respect from your colleagues.

The key to any successful bracket is correctly picking when Duke will lose. Know this.

You will lose valuable work time agonizing over your bracket
You will undoubtedly scour the web for special insight into filling out your brackets, wasting precious work time (much like I have wasted composing this mini prospectus). However, your colleagues may think better of you if you do well. So enjoy it, and bill your time to this number: XXXXXXX-XXXXXXX.

I wonder if the firms that are going to merit-based compensation will count NCAA bracket participation towards “firm citizenship.”
One last piece of advice: don’t take a “sick day” tomorrow or Friday. Just stream the tourney live on your screen. If a partner surprises you, excitedly say “are you watching this? Amazing!” There’s no shame in having a low productivity Thursday and Friday. Just be honest.
Read the full A&O Mini Prospectus below.

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ALLEN & OVERY NCAA TOURNAMENT MINI PROSPECTUS
NCAA TOURNAMENT MINI PROSPECTUS
The following information constitutes a mini-prospectus and an invitation to gambling and, as such, should not be viewed as complete or accurate in any way, and is probably grossly misleading. This mini-prospectus relates to wagering on the United States National Collegiate Athletic Association Men’s Division I Basketball Tournament (the NCAA Tournament). While the tournament was originally designed to anoint one American college basketball team as the national champion, its primary purpose today is to facilitate gambling, timewasting, pointless competition, and general foolishness in the American workplace. And this year we will make this opportunity available to some of our European cousins.
To carry on the recent tradition, the USLPE will be conducting an office pool, to which this mini-prospectus relates. Everyone is strongly encouraged to participate; it will be the most fun at the office you will have all year. Win some money, brag to your friends.
ALL DECISIONS OF THE CALCULATION AGENT WILL BE FINAL (EVEN IN THE EVENT OF MANIFEST ERROR). AS CALCULATION AGENT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO STRONG-ARM PEOPLE INTO PARTICIPATING. THE CALCULATION AGENT IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR, AND CANNOT CONTROL, THE ASSIGNMENT OF “STREET NAMES” THAT OFTEN ACCOMPANIES PARTICIPATION IN THE OFFICE POOL. PARTICIPANTS ARE WARNED THAT ENTRY INTO THE POOL WILL LIKELY SUBJECT YOU TO MOCKERY AND EMBARRASSMENT.
YOU WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY LOSE YOUR MONEY. THE POOL WILL INVARIABLY BE WON BY SOMEONE WHO CARES NOTHING AND KNOWS NOTHING OF COLLEGE BASKETBALL.
NOTICE TO NON-GAMBLERS
You may still participate in the pool even if you do not wish to buy in. Those players who are averse to wagering money will play purely for glory, and can choose whether their would-be winnings should pass to charity, buy more bacon sandwiches at US team meetings, compensate the Calculation Agent for his wit and charm, or any other purpose.
TERMS
Participation: Open to A&O US law group in Europe, known friends, spouses, siblings, etc.
Buy-In Price: £3
Pay-Out: Win: 50%
Place: 33%
Show: 17%
Bracket Submission: Thursday, March 18
Calculation Method: Modified Fibonacci
RISK FACTORS
Betting on basketball is wantonly foolish, and you will almost certainly lose your buy-in money
Betting on office pools is possibly the worst form of investment, and the pools are invariably won by persons who spend little or no time into filling out that “perfect bracket” and instead pick the teams with recognizable names, or cute mascots, or totally at random.
You will likely be subjected to office humiliation, both during the selection process and after you lose
Participating in the office pool will expose you to playful mocking or, in certain circumstances, outwardly hostile attack, particularly from partners. You may receive a “street name” by virtue of participating in the pool. This name will be assigned to you by D.Boss, and may be offensive, belittling, embarrassing, and purposefully intimidating.
Persons who know nothing of college basketball might win or finish ahead of you, causing you additional great embarrassment and humiliation in front of your co-workers
Picking a successful NCAA bracket involves much more luck than skill. Previous money-winners have included Borneans who have never heard of college basketball, partners who have assigned juniors to flip coins on their behalf, cats that have picked brackets through random selection, and love-struck associates who have picked on the basis of point guard hunkiness. It is very likely that you will lose to one of these participants, causing you extreme embarrassment and humiliation, and likely affecting the quality of your “street name”.
Duke is a perennial underachiever, and participants who pick Duke do so at their own peril
Though it is once again riding high into this year’s tournament, Duke is a perpetual disappointment, and cannot be trusted to perform up to expectations. Persons who pick Duke to progress beyond the Sweet 16 will face dejection and heartache as their beloved Blue Devils fail yet again. Though you may instead resort to the proverbial moral high-road about the integrity of their players and the saintliness of their coach, this will only mask your heartache and will not win sympathy or respect from your colleagues.
You will lose valuable work time agonizing over your bracket
You will undoubtedly scour the web for special insight into filling out your brackets, wasting precious work time (much like I have wasted composing this mini prospectus). However, your colleagues may think better of you if you do well. So enjoy it, and bill your time to this number: XXXXXXX-XXXXXXX.
You and the Calculation Agent have a conflict of interest
As calculation agent, I reserve the right to screw you out of your rightful winnings. Although I plan to distribute everyone’s brackets as PDFs over email, I will ultimately hold the purse money in my pocket, or my desk drawer, or maybe my shoe. Even if you win the pool, I may neglect to pay you your just deserts, or I may have already spent it on luxuries for myself. In addition, I want to win the pool, so I may fix the system in my favor, or attempt to falsify the results. I may also conveniently misplace your bracket, or damage it in an irreparable manner, all in the hopes of eliminating what I feel to be my closest competition.
THE METHOD
This tournament will feature a “Modified Fibonacci” calculation method. This method rewards the smart and lucky who pick the early round winners over those who simply pick the eventual winner.
The Modified Fibonacci method is undoubtedly the most superior method of NCAA basketball tournament pool calculation. Through no small spark of utter genius, its founder (me) has launched a revolution that has yet to change the way NCAA pools are played.
Under the Method, each game is worth the following points for its respective round:
Round of 64: 1
Round of 32: 2
Sweet 16: 3
Elite 8: 5
Final Four: 8
Championship: 13
As such, each of the rounds have a maximum possible point total as follows:
Round of 64: 32
Round of 32: 32
Sweet 16: 24
Elite 8: 20
Final Four: 16
Championship: 13