Archive for March 2010

No Sin Taxes in the Champagne Room

By Elie Mystal

Many of the things I enjoy in life (smoking, drinking, kicking children who speak out of turn) are either illegal or subject to a sin tax. Luckily, most of the laws against my illegal vices are unenforceable if I commit infractions discretely. (“I don’t know what happened to little Jimmy. He must have fallen onto my foot.”) But I can’t avoid sin taxes — and thus I can’t stand them.

First of all, they are regressive. Secondly, they’re anti-business. So we literally have a tax regime that freedom-loving progressives and money-loving conservatives should hate, and yet sin taxes continue to be an acceptable way for the government to shove its morality down our throats.

The Texas Supreme Court is wrestling with just such a question of morality versus freedom and money. Specifically, it’s a battle between morality and the freedom to stuff money into a g-string. The Austin-American Statesman reports:

Is exotic dancing, performed partially clothed or fully nude, a form of free speech protected by the U.S. Constitution?

Strip club owners insist that it is, and on Thursday they asked the Texas Supreme Court to strike down the state’s $5-per-patron tax as an unconstitutional limit on free expression.

Of course, proponents of the tax can’t just come out and say “we hate men who like to look at nude women.” Check out the hook they’re trying to hang their abuse of legislative power on…

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Judge of the Day: Shirley Strickland Saffold

By Kashmir Hill

Judge Shirley Strickland Saffold (aka Lawmiss?)

When weighing in on cases, it’s best for judges to limit their opinions to their Opinions. They’ve been warned before to be careful on Facebook and on blogs they author. But the case of Ohio judge, Shirley Strickland Saffold, shows they should exercise caution with anonymous online commentary as well.

An online commenter named “lawmiss” registered on the Cleveland Plain Dealer website with Judge Saffold’s AOL e-mail address in 2007. Since then, Lawmiss has had some critical things to say on articles about cases that came before Judge Saffold.

In one, Lawmiss threw one of the attorneys defending a bus driver in a vehicular homicide case… well, under the bus. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

“Rufus Sims did a disservice to his client,” the Nov. 21, 2009, post reads. “If only he could shut his Amos and Andy style mouth. What makes him think that is [sic] he insults and acts like buffon [sic] that it will cause the judge to think and see it his way. There are so many lawyers that could’ve done a much better job. This was not a tough case, folks. [The bus driver] should’ve hired a lawyer with the experience to truly handle her needs. Amos and Andy, shuffling around did not do it.”

Sims is now appearing before Judge Saffold defending, in the words of one of our tipsters, “the most notorious serial killer in Cleveland history,” Anthony Sowell. Sims is not pleased to see this evidence of possible bias against him.

When accused by the Dealer of making these comments, Judge Saffold threw her daughter under the bus. Sydney Saffold, 23, “a one-time law student” claims she made the comments associated with her mom’s account.

Judge’s children might lie, but a computer’s browser activity history doesn’t…

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Here’s One Job Brooklyn Law Students Are Definitely Qualified For

By Elie Mystal

The Good Wife is one of the few legal dramas out there that is worth a damn. The writing is good, the situations are believable yet not so realistic as to be boring, and the acting is quality.

The producers of the Good Wife brought their show to the campus of Brooklyn Law School this week. There was much gawking at the show’s stars: Julianna Margulies and Chris Noth. The Brooklyn Daily Eagle reports:

The TV show was filming on the Brooklyn Law School campus this week on Joralemon Street, as well as outside Brooklyn federal court. Students reportedly not only witnessed the legal drama being filmed, but also had a spread of snacks and treats set up for them by the show’s producers. Refreshments had attached notes saying, “Have a good day?” according to the Daily News.

Don’t take candy from strangers. Don’t take candy from strangers!!

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Job of the Week: Patent Litigation in Houston

By Above the Law

Thumbnail image for Job of the Week Lateral Link ATL logo.gifAlthough Houston may have been defeated by Atlanta in our 2010 March Madness contest, it’s still a great city for practicing law. Today’s Job of the Week, brought to you by Lateral Link, is an opportunity to do IP litigation down in Texas.

Position: Patent Litigation Associate (all levels)
Location: Houston, TX
Description: Top firm has an immediate opening for a stellar patent litigation associate. The firm is open to any class year. Top academic credentials are required. A science background is preferred. For more information about this position, please view Position #6041 on Lateral Link. You may also contact Gary Cohen, gcohen@laterallink.com or (214) 329-9201, for any other opportunities in the Texas area. Membership in Lateral Link is by application only and you can apply at www.laterallink.com.

Earlier: Prior Jobs of the Week

Attractive People May or May Not Be Better Lawyers, But They Do Get Paid More

By Kashmir Hill

Earlier this month, your Above the Law editors had a little debate about whether attractive people make better lawyers. Apparently a couple of economists asked a similar question a decade ago. Jeff Biddle and Daniel Hamermesh published a paper in the Journal of Labor Economics in 1998 titled Beauty, Productivity, and Discrimination: Lawyers’ Looks and Lucre.

Gavel bang to University of Florida law professor Daniel Sokol, for pointing us in the direction of the article. It’s a fascinating read. We learned that:

* lawyers in the private sector are more attractive than those in the public sector;
* ugly looks-challenged people clerk;
* litigators are the most attractive attorneys, and that regulatory lawyers are the least attractive.
* being really, really, super good-looking makes men more likely to become partners, but makes women less likely to become partners; and
* attractive lawyers bill at higher rates and make more money.

The economists looked at law school graduates from the 1970s and 1980s. They created a control group by focusing on the graduates from just one law school, referred to as “Law School X” in the paper: “a highly selective institution that has typically matriculated and graduated between 300 and 400 students each year.”

We spoke to Professor Hamermesh this week about his research into how being hot helps lawyers’ careers. It’s not hiring partners who are solely to blame for this, though. The selective pressure comes from lawyers’ clients. Hamermesh shared his insights, and also revealed to us which law school provided his lovely guinea pigs…

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  • 26 Mar 2010 at 10:03 AM

The PC Police Have Perfect Playground Jail

By Elie Mystal

For two days now the New York Times has been all over a playground in Bedford-Stuyvesant. People have been very offended by one piece of equipment:

[A]n orange jungle gym adorned with the word “Jail,” a cell door and prison bars has, six years after its installation, set off outrage in the neighborhood and the blogosphere, along with a hasty official response.

I know there’s a NIMBY problem when it comes to building correctional facilities, but this is ridiculous…

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Morning Docket: 03.26.10

By Elie Mystal

* The state of Maryland and Perdue Chicken are ganging up on the University of Maryland Law School. [Baltimore Sun]

* UConn sued for age discrimination against a 13-year-old. [Associated Press]

* We have a deal for Ground Zero reconstruction! [Daily News]

* What is the proper venue for lawsuits against Toyota? I don’t know, perhaps a court on wheels? [National Law Journal]

* Pope Benedict XVI seemed to know a lot about pedophile priests, but did nothing. Who knew that George Michael was a gospel singer? [New York Times]

ATL March Madness: Best City to Practice Law (Regional Finals). West and Midwest.

By Kashmir Hill & Elie Mystal

ATL’s competition to crown the best city to practice law continues.

In the regional finals in the east and south, D.C. is dominating New York, and Dallas is doing away with Atlanta. Now it’s time for us to turn our sights westward.

This round’s bouts will determine which city in flyover country is the best for lawyers and will finally resolve the NoCal vs SoCal debate. Let’s get to it…

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Non-Sequiturs: 03.25.10

By Elie Mystal

* Watching porn on a television in your car could be a crime in New York. So, to be clear, SUVs are for ego masturbation, not the other kind. [Legal Blog Watch]

* When I think of the NCAA, I don’t think of slavery. Serfdom, yes. But slaves weren’t allowed to learn how to read. [Generation J.D.]

* TMZ is allegedly a great place for drug abuse. But I bet they don’t have anything on the rollicking parties going on here at Above the Law. We’re wild. I just had another cup of coffee — at 5:00 p.m. Yeah! [Gawker]

* The recession makes alimony complicated. [Dealbreaker]

* Legal journalists are just like the people they cover — at least when it comes to starting their days. [L.A. Observed]

* A profile of an ATL friend (and past contributor), Ted Frank. [ABA Journal]

New York Law School Student Plea for Pass/Fail Grading Results in Epic Fail

By Elie Mystal

Here’s a little rule I just made up: People who do poorly in legal writing at New York Law School should not file pro se complaints against their school. It’s a good rule for people who don’t want to embarrass themselves.

I think I’ll call my brand-new maxim the “Timothy Keefe Rule.” The kid deserves something after getting smacked around by a New York appellate court. Here’s the set up, from the First Department opinion in Keefe v. New York Law School:

Plaintiff, a transfer student at defendant law school, commenced this action alleging, inter alia, that defendant breached an implied contract of good faith and fair dealing with him as a result of a grade he received in his Legal Writing II course. Claiming that he was unfairly disadvantaged because he did not take Legal Writing I at the law school, plaintiff seeks to require the law school to change its grading system from letter grades to pass/fail.

Keefe’s suit was dismissed at the Supreme Court level, and the dismissal was affirmed by the Appellate Division. I sure do hope he tries one more time at the Court of Appeals, because this is the kind of terrible argument I can’t get enough of …

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UC – Irvine: Everybody Has a Job

By Elie Mystal

As we’ve previously reported, the inaugural class of students at UC – Irvine School of Law attends law school for free. Now, we’ve got more good news for students there: they all have jobs lined up for the summer. Every last one of them. The Recorder (subscription) reports:

Not only does the entire inaugural class get its J.D.s free of tuition, all 60 students also have jobs lined up for the summer.

UC-Irvine School of Law officials say they’ve helped place almost 30 students at nonprofits and 17 with judges, including 11 in federal posts. The rest are in with law firms and prosecutors’ offices.

I imagine there are students who turned down free tuition at Irvine to go to UCLA or USC. I hope all those kids got summer jobs too…

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  • 25 Mar 2010 at 2:48 PM
  • Weirdness

Mental Health Break: The Lawyers’ Coloring Book

By Kashmir Hill

Loyal readers of our In-House Counseling column may have have missed their little dose of psychotherapy yesterday. Will Meyerhofer, aka The People’s Therapist, is regressing this week. He’ll be back next Wednesday.

You’re stuck at work, but perhaps you’d like to do a little regression too? For your infantile pleasure, we bring you an oldie but a goodie — The Coloring Book for Lawyers:

A coloring book for lawyers? Well, color us excited!



Our favorites from the coloring book after the jump…

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Pls Hndle Thx: High Anxiety

By Marin

Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

Dear ATL,

So I got Lathamed from my job last year.  It was tough but I eventually found a job that I like.  However, I live in constant fear of being Lathamed again.  I guess since it came out of nowhere last time, it really has me on edge (received great feedback on my work product, but things were SLOW).

Other than keep a spare cyanide pill handy just in case, what do I do?  My Lathaming has taught me some lessons about playing politics, but what else can I do other than that and good work?

Also, do you think I may have an IIED claim against my old firm?

- Lathamed

Dear Lathamed,

People expect the world to function in certain predictable ways. If you look good on a date, you expect a call back. If you work hard, you expect to keep your job.  If you do well in law school, you expect $160,000, 0% balance transfer offers and a completely amazing life. Until you get dumped by someone less attractive than you or fired for no reason, you won’t realize that the world is actually made of quicksand and that guts are meant to be sucker-punched.

In this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad world, some people manage portfolios; others manage anxiety.  The fact is, there is nothing you can do to prevent an employer from firing you. Even Bill Clinton was fired and he was the damn President. So you have a choice: have diarrhea for the next few years, or get over yourself and learn to cope with uncertainty. Lucky for you, I’ve spent the past 29 years paralyzed by fear, and I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of the most effective strategies I’ve found for managing anxiety.
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  • 25 Mar 2010 at 12:44 PM

The ABA Techshow: You Say You Want A Revolution? There’s an App for That

By Gabe Acevedo

“F@ck no!”

As I stood sipping a drink at The Front Page in Dupont Circle during a happy hour for e-discovery professionals, that was the highly articulate response I received from a technology vendor rep on whether he was attending the ABA Techshow, which begins today.

“That event is more for solos,” he said. “It’s small time.”

In a sense he was right.  If LegalTech New York is considered the Super Bowl of legal technology conferences in the industry, the ABA Techshow is dismissed by many as a worthless preseason game.

So then, why am I here in Chicago for the ABA Techshow?  Well, let’s just say you would be surprised what you can learn in the preseason.

It’s not that the Techshow cannot attract large law firms to join their party.  I mean, the organizer is the freaking American Bar Association for goodness sake.  The fact of the matter is that it doesn’t, because it doesn’t have to.  The ABA Techshow has done a great job at carving out a very specialized niche for itself — a niche which is attracting a breed of lawyer that is operating ahead of the curve on a daily basis.

If you can read between the lines and keep your ear to the ground, there are several legal technology trends that everyone, especially Biglaw, should be tracking. I’ve got three of those for you after the jump.

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Career Center: March Madness

By Above the Law

Career Center AboveTheLaw Lateral Link ATL.jpgMarch is all about the numbers: associates at some firms are finally learning what their 2009 bonus amounts are, while associates at other firms are learning more about what their 2010 salary will be. Check out the ATL Career Center, powered by Lateral Link, for the latest information on what the numbers are at firms around the country.

In the past few weeks, we have updated the firm snapshots for Paul Hastings, Gibson Dunn, Simpson Thacher, Knobbe Martens, Skadden Arps, Bingham McCutchen, Winston & Strawn, Holland & Knight, and Kaye Scholer. Use the Career Center’s firm snapshots and comparison tool to learn about other bonus news at firms around the country.

To go beyond the numbers game, join Lateral Link and Katten Muchin Rosenman on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 in Chicago, where a diverse panel of partners and corporate counsel from prestigious law firms and companies will discuss professional development considerations for mid-level associates in determining their long-term career paths. Panelists include Floyd Mandell of Katten Muchin Rosenman, Felicia Gerber Perlman of Skadden Arps, and Tom Kiser, GC at University Health System Consortium. Click here for more information.

And as always, we encourage you to send information about your law firm experience to careercenter@abovethelaw.com.

Schulte Nixes Seamless Before 8:30

By Elie Mystal

Most Biglaw New York lawyers would die of malnutrition without SeamlessWeb. Malnutrition, people! Because nobody has time to run down 50 floors to grab a bite to eat after hours.

Given the recession, charging 6:30 steak dinners to clients is no longer cool. But Schulte Roth & Zabel could be taking its anti-Seamless policy a bit too far. Here’s the email Schulte attorneys received last night:

The Firm cafeteria goes to great lengths to provide menu choices that reflect your preferences, and we are constantly looking for new ways to improve those offerings and keep the cafeteria operating as efficiently as possible. Attorneys and legal assistants working in the office on a client-related matter past 7:30 p.m. are encouraged to patronize Café 23, which is open for dinner Monday through Thursday evenings from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. Beginning April 5th, 2010, you will not be able to place orders through SeamlessWeb until 8:30 p.m. on weekday evenings.

We recognize that this change will cause some of you to rethink your dining options and, to that end, we ask you to let us know what types of food you would like the cafeteria to provide at dinnertime and then give Café 23 a try. Please email your comments and suggestions to [Redacted], Director of Food Services. Thank you.

Screwing around with SeamlessWeb is one sure way to piss off everybody that works for you. And boy are Schulte associates pissed …

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Legal Secretary of the Day: Not Getting Fired Leads to Getting Fired

By Kashmir Hill

Nancy Topolski must have been happy initially to survive the layoffs in the Portland office of Davis Wright Tremaine. But with fewer secretaries to go around, her workload increased. To the point of causing stress-induced panic attacks.

If you’re not making a lawyer’s salary, that’s just not acceptable. After one of her panic attacks, she went to HR and asked for a lighter workload. From the National Law Journal:

Topolski informed her supervisor several times in late September and October that her increased workload was causing her stress, affecting her ability to sleep and causing her to make mistakes. On Oct. 21, Topolski suffered a panic attack while at work and told a human resources representative that she needed a lighter workload, which the representative indicated would happen, according to the complaint. However, no changes were made and Topolski suffered a second panic attack at work on Nov. 3, the suit says.

At that point they did accommodate her — by firing her. Now she’s suing the firm for $1 million….

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Morning Docket 03.25.10

By Kashmir Hill

* Georgia Attorney General Thurbert Baker (pictured) just says no to health care reform lawsuits. [Associated Press]

* The Supreme Court issued a last-minute stay yesterday in the execution of a Texas man. [Associated Press]

* Proposition 420? [Reuters]

* Wall Street pay reform is making life difficult for divorce attorneys. [Bloomberg]

* The first case of sexual harassment via full body scanner. [True/Slant]

* Is U.S. District Judge Alvin Hellerstein’s advocacy for 9/11 responders crossing a line? [Associated Press]

* If you weren’t making a porno, why would you name it “The Hills Have Thighs”? [Courthouse News Service]

Associate Bonus Watch: Paul Hastings Matches Cravath Scale Everywhere but Atlanta

By Elie Mystal

For two weeks we’ve been getting reports about Paul Hastings bonuses. Many people claim that they received bonuses on par with the Cravath scale. But there have been a dedicated few who claim they were jobbed by the firm at bonus time. This tipster captures the general feeling:

PH bonuses were just announced [last month] and some crazy stuff has been going on. The top performers are getting totally screwed as PH has a bonus grid and is not allowing anyone to go off of that set chart. The result is that the best people with the strongest evals and tons of hours are getting barely any more different than their peers who did the bare minimum. There are some extreme and specific examples.

We’ve been able to solve the mystery. Paul Hastings gave out Cravath-level bonuses in all of their offices except Atlanta. In Atlanta Paul Hastings tried to match the Atlanta market for total compensation — which resulted in bonuses below the Cravath scale. The firm gave us details on its decision….

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Non-Sequiturs: 03.24.10

By Elie Mystal

* I wonder if Jesse James was blindsided by his tax problems? (Too soon?) [Going Concern]

* Is it possible to make Westchester less white? [Next American City]

* How the Census discriminates against … well, almost all of us. [True/Slant]

* There’s a reason God didn’t want humans to kill each other — and that reason is the state of Texas. [Simple Justice]

* Health care reform could benefit personal injury victims. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* I too wish judges would occasionally swallow their whistles. [Drug and Device Law]

* Viacom versus YouTube makes legal bloggers stand at attention. Sexting, you know, also makes them stand at attention. [Infamy or Praise]

LATE ADDITION: * David Boies and Ted Olson will talk to Campbell Brown tonight about how gay marriage changed their relationship. [CNN]