Law Schools, Student Loans

USC’s Ultimate Solution for Student Debt

A tipster reports that USC’s Gould School of Law has a new proactive solution to student debt: death or permanent and total disability.

That’s right, USC kids. If you can’t get a job coming out of the Gould School of Law, you could always just die. Perhaps not the J.D. you had in mind when you enrolled there.

But “Just Dying” is only one possible solution for your financial problems. USC has some other advice for those not planning on biting it after graduation…

USC Law gave a PowerPoint presentation on student debt solutions. A funny tipster reports that the school may have U.S. News & World Report in mind in offering up the debt repayment option of death:

It cracks me up. Great tip from the School. I think if we end up dead or disabled it helps the School’s employment numbers too. Also, I learned from this presentation that student’s noble enough to work at non-profits or in public service qualify for programs to help reduce their debt load. I asked whether those of us who are noble enough to work at Taco Bell or McDonald’s receive similar help, but apparently we are not as deserving of assistance. Actually both McDonald’s and Taco Bell rejected my resume, I guess there are just some places that the Trojan family can’t get you.

Speaking of lunch… USC has some tips on that as well:

We certainly endorse advising law students to make their own coffee instead of frittering away loan dollars on daily Starbucks lattes. At least until they’ve nailed down a Biglaw offer. Every dollar you save on lunch is a dollar that you can spend on Adderall don’t have to pay back.

But we’re still confused on how a bagged lunch costs just three dollars a day. High-quality San Francisco sourdough bread, maybe a Sopressata with some Boursin, and a thermos of wine costs a lot more than three bucks.

But maybe we need to start shopping in an entirely different way:

Our tipster said:

Both are subtle hints that USC-Law has responsibly set up its graduates for a life of serfdom!!! Naw of course I am just kidding. I think the real message here is that USC Law graduates cannot afford to eat out and they should only buy groceries with cash on hand. (Also, its funny to note that even freewheeling graduates only spend $7.50 on lunch if they eat out)

Oh well, it is a good thing the crushing tuition cost forced me to live in the ghetto’s of South East Los Angeles for the last 3 years, at least that experience provided me with skills that will be useful in the future. No joke, one thing I actually learned is how to trade cash for food stamps at 70% on the dollar, that equals a lot of extra Ramen after three years.

Remember USC students, if you put frozen peas in the ramen it’s a much more nutritious and filling meal.

Sadly USC doesn’t have any tips for how students can reduce their $40K-plus yearly tuition bill. Maybe USC should introduce a program where kids can bring in aluminum cans for recycling and have the cents credited against their bill. If the economy doesn’t pick up soon, a lot of law students may need to learn how to make some money off of the bounty of the street.

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