Canada, Judge of the Day

Verdict of the Day: Canadian 'Asshole'

By  
on

We expect judges to not let their personal opinions influence their judicial decisions. But it’s silly to expect judges to be automatons with no feelings. They hurt, they cry — and just like everybody else, they get angry when they have to deal with assholes.

Sadly being an asshole isn’t a crime, and so one Canadian judge just had to suck it up and let a Canadian junior hockey player charged with assault go free. But not before the judge gave the defendant a little piece of his mind. The CBC reports (gavel bang: Deadspin):

Junior hockey player Chris Doyle was found not guilty of assault Friday, but received some harsh words from P.E.I. Judge John Douglas.

“If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty,” said Douglas, chief judge of the provincial court.

“Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty.”

Make no mistake. Judge Douglas was right to point out that Chris Doyle was a giant douchebag…

Here’s why Judge Douglas thought the innocent man was still an “asshole.”

Doyle had shown up drunk at his ex-girlfriend’s apartment in Charlottetown last September. Testifying in his own defence, he admitted punching a door, which then hit a woman in the face and broke her nose.

But he said he didn’t know the woman was there, and it was an accident.

Sponsored

Full disclosure: Doors and other similar portals are my enemy and I’ve been known to tangle with them from time-to-time. But never in a situation where there was a reasonable chance of another person getting caught in the debris field.

And I don’t do things like this:

Doyle had already pleaded guilty to a charge of mischief, in connection with breaking a laptop at the apartment. He will be sentenced for that offence June 7.

The punching of the door was part of a series of events described at the trial. Doyle’s former girlfriend testified he came into her apartment uninvited when she had left the door unlocked because she was expecting her roommate.

Maybe being an asshole should be some kind of crime? This guy apparently has a history of menacing his girlfriend by breaking things like laptops and noses. It can’t be long before we’re dealing with full-scale domestic violence.

We are talking about Canada. Even if you can’t put him in jail, there’s got to be some kind of penalty box up there for goons and thugs.

Sponsored

Hockey player an ‘asshole,’ but not guilty, says judge [CBC News]
Judge: Hockey Player Is “A Colossal Asshole” [Deadspin]

Topics

, ,