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Lawyer of the Day: Brandon White Stranded in Gilligan’s Trial

Facebook is a godsend for office workers. It’s where we flee when we’re bored. It’s where we go for updates on our friends’ lives. And it’s where we vent when work sucks.

Florida state prosecutor Brandon White was marooned in a terrible trial last week, and decided to work through his frustrations creatively, by composing a parody of the Gilligan’s Island theme song worthy of a Law Revue show.

According to the Sun Sentinel, he posted his composition to Facebook on the second day of the trial — Wednesday, April 14th — just after 11 p.m. We apologize in advance for getting the Gilligan’s Island theme song stuck in your head. Lyrics via TCPalm:

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trial,
That started from this court in St. Lucie County.
The lead prosecutor was a good woman, the 2nd chair was totally awesome,
Six jurors were ready for trial that day for a four hour trial, a four hour trial.

The trial started easy enough but then became rough
The judge and jury confused,
If not for the courage of the fearless prosecutors
The trial would be lost, the trial would be lost.

He goes on to describe the others stuck in the same boat as him, including “the gangbanger defendant”…

Here are the rest of the lyrics:

The trial started Tuesday, continued til Wednesday
And then Thursday, with Robyn and Brandon too,
The weasle face
The gang banger defendant
The Judge, clerk, and Ritzline
Here in St. Lucie

We assume “weasle [sic] face” is the defense attorney…

So this is the tale of the trial
it’s going on here for a long, long time,
The prosecutors will have to make the best of things,
It’s an uphill climb.

The New Guy and Robyn
Will do their very best,
To make the sure justice is served
In the hornets nest.

No rules of evidence or professionalism,
Not a single ounce of integrity
Like My Cousin Vinny,
No ethics involved, no ethics involved

“Weasle face” probably didn’t care for that stanza.

So join us here each week my friends,
You’re sure to get a smile,
From 6 jurors, a weasle face and two prosecutors,
Here in St. Lucie County

His Skipper co-prosecutor, Robyn Stone, commented on the post:

“Hahahah – Brandon and I are in the trial from hell — it is just unbelievable – Brandon has been awesome — Brandon I love your poem…”

The fateful trial will last even longer. The judge declared a mistrial last Thursday, but not because of the Facebook poem. Instead, it’s because the jurors got too chummy with the bailiff.

The defense attorney in the case is raising the poetic offense with the Florida bar, though, since bar rules “prohibit officers of the court from disseminating disparaging remarks about judges, jurors or attorneys.”

It’s unclear exactly how White’s poem got disseminated beyond his Facebook friends, but getting into this trouble is a Gilligan-worthy move. It also serves as a reminder to check the privacy settings on your Facebook account and to refrain from setting your work to song.

Facebook poem gets prosecutor in hot water; St. Lucie deputy under investigation in same case [Sun Sentinel]
Read Assistant State Attorney Brandon White’s Facebook post [TCPalm]

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