That’s the approach a law student in New York is taking. The 3L placed an ad on Craigslist this week, titled “3rd Year Law Student Seeking Competent, Sane, Paying Legal Employer.”
According to the student’s self-description, this 3L is the perfect legal employee, with “excellent, substantive experience in the legal field”; their “own Westlaw and Lexis-Nexis password and unlimited access to both databases” (courtesy of the student’s school?); “a lot of experience drafting contracts, including very complex and lengthy contracts”; “high work ethic”; and “good social skills.”
This stellar job seeker will not accept just any job. The 3L writes:
In order to be considered for this opening as my new boss, in addition to being willing to pay for my services, you must also meet all of the following criteria:
There are 21 requirements. Number 1: “You must not be a lunatic.”
Here’s the full list from Craigslist:
1. You must not be a lunatic.
2. You must not be a complete jerk.
3. You must not be a senile person who should have retired years ago.
4. You must not be disastrously disorganized.
5. You must actually show up to your legal practice on a regular basis.
6. You must not use screaming or condescension as your preferred method of communication.
Well, that rules out, what, 75% of possible legal bosses?
Regardless, the list goes on.
7. You must actually know what is going on in your own cases.
8. You must actually be a boss, which means correcting me if I make a reasonable mistake and explaining how to do a new task.
9. You must be able to meet basic deadlines in your own case, which also entails knowing what these deadlines are.
10. You must not be a major alcoholic or drug addict.
How do you define “major”? Could Partner Pothead apply to be this kid’s employer?
11. You must not ask me to do unreasonable, personal tasks. I am a legal employee, not your babysitter.
12. You must not have unreasonable religious preferences, such as expecting me to wear your preferred religious garb while at work and proselytizing on the job.
13. You must not require me to lie to clients on a regular basis, or forge your signature, or do any other activities which could jeopardize me obtaining a legal license in the future.
14. You must not continually screw up your own cases, and then expect me to magically fix the problems or blame me when things go wrong as a result of your errors.
C’mon now. That’s what associates are for.
15. You must be financially stable in such a way that I am not continually worried about getting paid at the end of each pay period.
16. You must have basic, functioning office equipment, including an internet connection.
17. You must be capable of legal and logical reasoning skills that are more sophisticated than knee jerk reactions such as “that’s bullshit!” Sometimes something more complex is going on.
18. You must possess basic social skills.
But Asperger’s goes hand in hand with legal brilliance!
19. You must be willing to pay me on a regular basis for my services (just a reminder). I do not accept food, liquor or drugs as payment. Payment must be made in valid, U.S. currency and must be a reasonable wage for a person of my skill set.
20. You must not be a crazy, obsessive-compulsive control freak.
21. You must not get off on degrading your employees.
If you meet all of the above qualifications, and you are interested in hiring someone with my level of skills, please email me in response with information about yourself. I can provide a resume and writing sample upon request.
You may be inclined to think this posting is a joke. It most certainly is not. Finding a legal employer with all of the above qualifications who is willing to pay a competent law student with very strong experience is seemingly impossible right now. I would be delighted to find someone who fits these seemingly basic qualifications.
What do you think? Does this 3L meet his own #1 requirement?