“WHO THE F— IS KANYE WEST?” the shirt read, the offending obscenity resting just above the wood veneer rail of the jury box. Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Thomas Farber ordered the other jurors out of the courtroom — directing Eneorj to stand before his bench.
“Do you think it’s appropriate to wear a shirt that says ‘f—‘ on it in my courtroom?” the judge asked, anger in his voice.
When Eneorj started to protest about having a sweater on — not that it covered the front of the shirt — the judge cut her off, demanding, “You’re excused.”
We have not yet had the pleasure to serve on a jury. While we would relish the front row seating for a trial, we understand that others are not as eager to sit in judgment of their fellow citizens.
How do people get out of jury duty?
There are various ways to escape the ordeal. You could be so crude as to enter the hallowed halls of the court in profanity-laced clothing, or you could be the publisher of Above the Law, for example.
But if you want to avoid serving, make sure not to bring your New York Times to the jury room. Instead, consider picking up a Penthouse or Playboy. A friend relates a story about how he avoided becoming one of twelve angry men:
Back when I was doing contract work, I got called for jury duty. My first day showing up, I was reading the NY Times while I sat waiting for… 6 hours, and had to show up again the next day. So I told my wife that, but her paralegal friend told her that reading the NY Times was about the worst thing I could do — the lawyers scan the waiting room to see who might be favorable jurors, and I guess they like literate ones.
The New York Times reveals all the jurors that are fit to pick?
At the time, I was paid by the hour and money was a big tight, so losing a few days to jury duty would be a disaster.
So her friend told my wife that the best thing to do was to look unappealing to any of the attorneys. Offhand, she mentioned that probably the best way to do that would be to “go read porn or something.” So the next day, my wife ORDERED me to go buy a porn magazine on the way to jury duty and MAKE SURE I was reading it for the lawyers to see. This was actually more difficult to find at 7:45 am on a workday in Jersey City than you might think — not something I wanted my close-knit apartment community members to see me do.
You could have just told your neighbors that you were buying the porn to get off… jury duty.
Luckily, the jury pool was permanently dismissed at the start of the day so I didn’t have to actually read it. (I find those magazines actually sickening on many levels- exploitation, drug use, etc.)
We would suggest an easier way to make a negative impression on lawyers in the future. Since some lawyers are now social media stalking their jury pools, add “tort reform” to your interests on Facebook. That’s a bigger turn-off for plaintiffs’ lawyers than porn.