Non-Sequiturs: 09.09.10

* Pyromaniac Pastor Terry Jones has called off his threat to burn copies of the Koran on 9/11. Jones claims that it’s in exchange for the developers agreeing to move the Ground Zero mosque. Developers claim they only agreed to meet with him. So who knows where this is going. The only thing I know for sure is that somewhere, Moses is pointing at Jesus and Muhammad and saying “… and that’s why I just smashed the damn tablets. The old man has no idea what he’s doing.” [Huffington Post]

* Puerto Rico is involved in a “rum war” with the Virgin Islands. Whatever, the exports from both islands can only be tolerated with a healthy dose of coke. The real battle would be between Haiti and Cuba. [Out of the Storm News]

* Instead of speed bumps, Canada is going with an optical illusion of a child to slow people down. So once Canadian drivers get used to that, the only possible result of this program will be dead children. Honk if you like grieving mothers at vehicular manslaughter trials. [Yahoo News]

* The lead singer of 90’s boy band LFO has died. So we turn to Marin for a fitting obituary. She says: “It wasn’t the Chinese food that made him sick; it was leukemia.” That email address you’re looking for is advice@abovethelaw.com, I don’t need emails from the Mayo Clinic clogging my inbox. [Us News]

* This Sunday Elizabeth Wurtzel will explain how to write about the bad things that have happened in your life. This Sunday, I’ll be out having bad things happen to me. [Housing Works]

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