Holidays and Seasons, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: Hallmark of Justice

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com

Greetings,

My firm, like so many, has decided not to purchase and send holiday cards for our clients, instead relying on those stupid ecards.  Ostensibly this is part of our “Going Green” initiative.  More likely it puts more green in the partners’ pockets.  Whatever.

I’d like to send actual paper cards to some of my clients and contacts.  These are people who are not social friends, but with whom I have a business relationship, or would like to maintain professional contact. My questions:

1.  Should I send them my regular family holiday card (photo of me with the wife & kids and a holiday greeting)?  Most of the people to whom I would send this have never met my wife or kids, and in many cases probably don’t know they even exist.

2.  If not, should I get a generic card or a customized card with my name on the card?  what about other info (firm name, phone, email, etc.)?

3.  Should I include a business card with my holiday card?

4.  Should I forget the whole thing and just send ecards?  or nothing at all?

Thanks,
Bah Humbug

Dear Bah Humbug,

These detailed questions require a very organized response. Let’s break down each option you’ve laid out…

1. Regular family holiday card? No, that’s creepy. If a business contact of mine sent me a picture of his or her family standing in sweaters against a fireplace, I would be slightly concerned that they might soon ask to connect on Facebook. You are business contacts with these people, not second cousins. You also don’t really know who your clients are outside the office. They may talk M&A by day but be sex offenders (or alleged sex offenders) by night. Given that possibility, do you really want pictures of your wife and children floating around their desks? P.S. None of your personal contacts want to get your card, either.

2. Generic card? Generic cards with pre-printed imagery and words are a landmine. For instance, if you’re a litigator, it would be disingenuous to send a card with “Wishing you a happy and healthy holiday season,” because you’re actually hoping they slip and fall or eat lead paint. Likewise, sending a card with the dove of peace on the front is also in poor taste if you do hostile takeovers (or if you’re a litigator). If you’re going to go generic (and sending personal print cards is not a terrible idea), make sure to stick with neutral imagery like snowflakes, top hats or champagne glasses, and steer clear of words like “blessings” and “yuletide.”

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3. Include business card? Putting your business card in your holiday card is the equivalent of buying one of those record-your-own message cards and saying: “Seasons greetings! If you’ve been injured in an accident…” If you’re confident that your clients will get your holiday card and not send it to the FBI for anthrax inspection, they probably already have your contact info.

4. Screw it? Your firm’s e-card will suffice, but if you want to sent a print card, that’s ok, too, as long as you follow the guidelines in #2. Or, you could do what my former-paralegal sister recommends, which is just send a bill with your hours circled.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Marin

I don’t do holiday cards. They seem like an awful waste of time for something that will end up in the trash (or worse, collected by a weird lady who turns them into a collage and then watches the Martha Stewart show while muttering obscenities under her breath).

But, if you are going to do the holiday card thing, isn’t the whole point that you’ve taken the time and effort to send out well-wishes to your friends and colleagues? How is that accomplished by sending an email (sorry, “e-card”)? An e-holiday card is like saying, “I want you to think that I care but I really don’t. Here’s hoping you’re a fool who is easily impressed.”

Bah Humbug, you are right to recognize you are working with some cheap and inconsiderate partners. And you’re right to do what you can to counteract their inappropriate greed during the holiday season.

That said, the family holiday card and the business card inclusion are non-options. Marin’s right. Your clients don’t want to see your wife and kids. You work for these people, and I’m sure they’d prefer to not know that you are out there multiplying or anything. And business card, again, obviates the whole point of a holiday card (if there is one). You’re supposed to be well-wishing, not blatantly trying to generate business. Of course you hope that well-wishing will help you generate business, but that process has to happen organically.

So that really only leaves you with the option of putting together some kind of generic card. But I don’t think you need to concern yourself with Marin’s restrictions. I mean, she might actually read the holiday cards she gets (though I don’t recall seeing her ever make a collage of anything other than shot glasses), but your clients most certainly will not.

It’s a holiday card. Like I said, the entire thing is kind of stupid anyway, and the recipient will spend five seconds on it before tossing it. You just need those to be five pleasant seconds. An e-card makes them five insulting seconds. But if you can get out of there with a “Honey, I think our lawyer sent us a Christmas card. That was nice of him [*toss*],” then you’ve done your job.

Good luck, I hope you get out of your cheap-ass firm really soon.

Happy Thanksgiving,
— Mystical Stewart

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

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